The mountain I walk on is my oasis in a desert in more ways than one. However, when I travel, I always find a new mountain. We all have to have our “sanctuary” and mine is usually outside because I stayed inside and away from people for so long. Remember that scene in “The Shawshank Redemption” where Tim Robbins is standing in the rain with his arms outstretched? That’s what happened with me when I changed my path last year, and rejoined the human race.

I had a deep seated fear of allowing myself to become involved with life in general, and was dangerously close to becoming a total recluse again. Nothing is better after spending so many years in prisons of other people’s design as a child (or of my own as an adult) than to stand outside among other people and know that there is freedom in walking among a crowd and not feeling isolated in it and forced to be there for other reasons.

Time is a precious gift–and it is best shared and not squandered.  If sharing mine makes a difference, and it is all that I can offer at the moment, then you are welcome to such as I have if we should ever meet one another. 

My current idea of "Heaven" at the moment...

2 comments on “Redemption

  1. I’m speechless. I almost feel like you’re writing about “me.” I, too, locked myself away from the world, never allowing myself to dream or aspire to anything other than a stay-at- home mom. And after they’re all out of the nest, then what. I got more and more discouraged and began a slow downward spiral into alcoholism.

    Thankfully, I have an indomitable spirit and a husband that has been my rock and greatest support through it all. The Lord has watched over me through some very dark times, just waiting for me to turn around and ask for His guidence. Each and EVERY time I do, He answers my prayers as any unconditionally loving parent would. That doesn’t mean the anwser is always what I want, but I’ve learned to trust His judgement even if I don’t quite understand the reason. Usually the reason is revealed in it’s due time. This has been happening more and more over the past few months. I guess the key is prayer. I can’t really expect Him to be able to guide me if I’m unwilling to ask, let alone follow. 😉

    Actually my having a blog here in the first place is due to such guidence. It’s hard to take a chance on rejection and ridicule, not to mention, the stigma attached to most types of mental illness.

    But look what happened. You found my blog. And then I read yours. And now, I’m looking forward to your next one. BTW… My mind’s eye sees Heaven much the same way as yours. ;-D Blessings.

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