Reflections on Today’s World, and Becoming a Grandparent

Well, I just celebrated my 49th birthday on 11/25.  Two of my sons, Kevin and Brian went with me to the club and it was great!  We had a party and such.  Now for the wilder part of the day. I opened a present the my son and his girlfriend gave to me.  I thought it was a gag because it was a pregnancy test!  Kevin said, “Mom…Just read it man!”  I looked at it and it said “positive”.   I looked at him and his girlfriend and they told me that I am going to be a grandmother.

I think it’s not really overwhelming me yet, but it is overwhelming my son, Kevin.  He’s still taking in the “I’m going to be a dad.” bit. I admit this inspires me to work on clearly defining, organizing my goals and moving forward with plans at a better pace than what I have been.

I do know this much, this woman will never be a “rocking chair grannie“. I’m too head strong for that. I know this much, I am the last person a school wants to encounter if I am the alternate person to pick up my grandchild from school, or the one who is on the list to help care for the child and I end up having to deal with some administrator who says that bullying is just something kids have to deal with and they should get used to it.

Schools are not prisons.  To me that is the same thing as when an officer in a prison tells an offender who has been assaulted, “Well, you shouldn’t have come to prison.”  Well excuse me but public schools are the only institutions that are MANDATORY for anyone who has never broken a law–e.g:  OUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN,  so that is the LAST comment any teacher or administrator had better make in my presence.

If the system wants to treat these children like little offenders (which is what this amounts to) then they should be held accountable for deliberate indifference when a child gets assaulted and/or killed on school property if it can be shown that there was an ongoing problem and it was NOT addressed effectively.  IF the legal departments are the ones creating the problem by tying the administrators hands and threatening to not represent them if THEY don’t agree with discipline methods–then the district should be able to fire them and hire independent attorneys.

The same holds true if the bullied child commits suicide and the school KNEW there was a problem and failed to act.  If they are held liable for not reporting child abuse/neglect, then they should be held to the same standard when they allow children to be terrorized on their own territory.   They may be part of the government machine–but they should not be above the law by any standard.

See what is happening here? My grandson or granddaughter is not even on the planet yet and I am already concerned for the future of that child. At least I’ll get some days where I can color and teach him/her how to do a dream board.   I know that when I’m around, I’ll shelter that child from as much as I can and so will Kevin and his beautiful girlfriend, Daphne…She is one tough mama and she will not fail to protect her young!

Now I think it is time that she and my son get pics of themselves together with her other 3 kids…For one, they call me grandma anyway and for two, they are part of this family.   THAT’S what they should do–GET FAMILY PICTURES!

I am also starting to do some more soul-searching again…It’s almost like the same thing I did when I was having Eric (my oldest son) who was born on my 20th birthday…I guess this means I need to take a considerably less “charged” tone with my blogs too.  However, it will be very, very difficult when talking about bullying because I am so vehemently passionate about it.

However, pursuing one’s dreams is very important also. I want to impart to this grandchild that only he or she can choose the greatest path for himself/herself in life but it is important to make decisions one can live with and sleep with at night because nobody will walk in those shoes but him or her.

If there is one lesson I have learned in my life, it is that it is one thing to put your dreams on hold–but another to let them die.  Nobody should ever to the latter because that is when that word called “regret” haunts one until the end of their days because they always wonder what might have been.  I really believe now that I can have my dream.  I won’t share what that dream is here, but I know it will one day come true.

I will also be giving that book “The Alchemist” to Daphne’s oldest son, “Jabez” when he gets older.  I think that will open that boy’s eyes to a lot of things.  The Universe has really blessed me, but I’ve got $10 in my pocket that says I am one of the few that has learned to be content with what I now have for the simple fact that I definitely know that a good change is coming.  I can feel it and it will be good for me when it comes.  I also think that this is true for some friends of mine and I am usually not wrong when I feel it this strongly.  2012 is going to be a great year for a few of my friends! I feel it!

Take care and have a great week! This was one Thanksgiving Holiday for which I am expressing a lot more gratitude to the Universe!

Gratitude for All Things Remembered this Thanksgiving…

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! Keep on dancing while you're at it!

With this Thanksgiving Holiday rapidly approaching I have had to sit down and reflect on all the things which I have been thankful for.  I go up to my mountain when I can to express this to God (and you can call that force what you like–that is what I know it to be because it’s easier for everyone to comprehend) and take in whatever lessons that entity decides to impart to me at that time.  I have been truly blessed with mild weather this week and will go up  there again in a few hours.

The Universe is so infinite, yet people constantly try to say that one day all of that will end as will all life forms on this planet. I do not believe that for a minute.  I believe life will continue in cycles.  I believe it will be shaken, altered, stirred, beaten down, pressed into a new shape, or simply allowed to continue to slowly evolve into something none of us could have ever imagined in over 500-1000 years time.  Whether we witness it or not is anyone’s guess.

Sometimes during this time of year, I truly miss my father, my Grannie Ainsworth and other relatives who have passed.  I am grateful for them having been in my path because I know that somewhere in the back of my brain lies that wisdom and with that they all imparted to me.  It is this time of year I also remember some things that made me chuckle a time or two as a child.

Today I want to talk about my Grandpa, Elton J. O’Neill.  He passed away in 1987 while I was living in King  City, CA.  I will never forget how mad someone got when they found out that he showed me how to play 5 card stud and I was beating most at it.  I haven’t played in years, so I’ve forgotten much of what he taught me, but this is a man who had an  interesting  history of his own.

At one time he was a caddy for some of the best golfers and ran pool halls and domino halls, which were big business in those days.  He enjoyed playing dominoes and such until he could no longer do so.

There were times during the Great Depression that he and my grandmother (Mary) would pick potatoes (or cotton) and such to get by.  Grandpa told me more than once that he stole chickens to feed the family once in a while and would take a little money to buy vanilla extract.  Why?  IF there wasn’t a still around, that is how many people would get drunk in those days.

I also remember a story my father told me about how when he was 9 years old he got caught smoking in the boys bathroom and got his fanny worn out by the principal.

I have one interesting memory of my own.  Please bear in mind that my Grandpa O’Neill could not see very well.  It was around 1976 or 77 and one day, my father decided to go to Abilene to see if he could find some yard sales to find stuff in.  We all loaded up in Dad‘s new “Minnie Winnie”–which was a small Winnebago and headed out.  To this day, I also remember Uncle Jackie (my dad’s older brother) being there also.  I believe it was either right before or right after Thanksgiving–not sure of the exact date.

We had just passed Cisco, TX and there was a hill up to the right which had a nativity scene on it.  It looked real–especially at a distance and with snow on the ground (as there was on this day).  My grandpa took a look out the window and squinted at it very hard.  Suddenly he said rather loudly, “Look at those hippies up there! Those fools are gonna freeze to death!”  We got a kick out of it.

Then of course I miss my Grannie Ainsworth who sometimes danced a jig and played harmonica.  I remember eating in “shifts” as what I call “the herd” came over! There were often 30+ people over there during the holidays and when we got finished eating at one grandparent’s house, we’d let it settle and then go to the other ones!  I truly miss the porcupine meatballs and the chocolate pies as my sister reminded me of one day. Disclaimer:  For those who never heard of those meatballs, they are made from beef–not porcupine meat!  I got a laugh out of being asked about that once!

I also have fond memories of Young School.  Despite being bullied there are two things that I do not think any former student will disagree with me about and that is the fact that they had the best home-made rolls and fresh vegetables and fruit there was!   And we always bought extra chocolate milk (well most of us did anyway).  I also remember that there were bats, but I loved going into the auditorium.  To this day I remember the swamp coolers, the wood flooring, and the smell of the rolls as they were cooking every morning.

For having all the wonderful people in my life I did have I was truly blessed, and even those who cause adversity in my life blessed me in the end.  Without their existence I would not be who I am or where I am today.  For those in my life now, I am also truly thankful!  Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with  your families, and may you all have more wonderful experiences to come your way in the years ahead!

Just adding this because it is beautiful...

Holiday Depression Issues…

I am deeply disturbed at the lack of coverage on this issue.  It seems that at this time of year, especially when people are experiencing difficulty, friends and family seem to not realize that what is going on when people get snappy or unhappy it is due to Holiday Depression.  There is pressure to get and make that perfect dinner–get gifts for Christmas, make the shopping on Nov 25th of this year, etc…Imagine what it could for me having wrecked my car recently, going into debt with 3 birthdays coming up during this time–Eric’s (my oldest is also on Nov 25th (my birthday also), Brian’s is Dec 17th and Kevin’s is Nov 29th…

The running joke is that I am freaking broke from Oct.-Jan!

I am not depressed, though. Far from it. I am grateful that I have a family who is always there for me and for an employer that totally rocks! Yes, I took a pay cut when I quit the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice in 2010, and have no regrets.  The pay cut was well worth it. I am concerned for someone I know who seems to be sad this time of year and going through so much.  I am also concerned for a family that lost two loved ones in a fire last night.

Look, I’m not here to preach, but if you are worried about finances, the first thing you should do is simply NOT spend money on items for others that you can barely afford, if at all. This marketing ploy drives me nuts every year.  You will find that many relatives and friends love home-made candy and gifts as opposed to the cheap crap that we get into our stores now.  My sister makes us fudge and other candies and we LOVE IT! Nothing can beat that!

Although I don’t have as much since I took that pay cut, I have more than most.  I have my family, my dog, a blog I read faithfully that always inspires me to keep my head out of my backside and keep remembering that doors always open where others close.    Sometimes we end up in a place where we are not happy at the moment, but we have to be there for a reason.  We have to follow our intuition and simply go to where we may fear to tread from time to time.  When we reach that destination we so felt a strong need to go to, sometimes things do not go as planned.  We don’t get that job or the place we want right away–but we must learn to be still and silent.  We must wait.

The latter part of that is the hardest part of all.  It is especially hard when in that stillness we hear the echoes of loved ones telling us things that were so important to them, but seem lost in the time since their passing.  We try to apply this to ourselves, but it is not something that can be forced as much as it can be allowed to enter us and embrace us. I can remember the last conversation I had with my father and grandfather one day before their passing.  Each call ended with “I love you.”  This means so much more to me than people know.  Even today I can hear them say those words to me when I am feeling like a broken china doll, and it calms my spirit.

I remember going to the ocean in Monterrey, California after my grandfather died.  I felt a release and a comfort there as I said my good-bye to him while allowing the waters of the Pacific Ocean to lap over my feet and feeling the breeze blow through my hair.  It was then I felt that “embrace” (as I call it) and knew that this was meant to be and that he was no longer suffering.  There is a song Carly Simon wrote and sang after losing her mother that seems to sum up a lot of what I feel right now, and I think it will help those who have lost someone close to them also.  It is called “Like a River”…Watch the video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leQhz8oIYRQ&ob=av2e

I was raised as a Baptist. I don’t go to church, but I do know it says in the bible that when we die, we become as angels.  If that is so, then that explains this…Maybe our loved ones never truly leave us.  Whether we call this simply “the Universe”, “God“, “Ronald McDonald” or whatever, something seems to be embracing us and trying to gently tell us that all will be alright–if we be still, listen and wait–and then trust that this entity will take care of us if we simply trust in it just enough to know that it is not out there to hurt us or make bad things happen–but to help us endure the stuff that comes at us from all directions and drives us mad from time to time.

Sometimes those angels sent to help us are not in our memories and such, but in those around us that we would least  likely expect. Sometimes it helps me just to get out and visit new places and meet new people that I interview.  At other times, like when the sun comes up, I will be on my mountain, allowing whatever meets me there to embrace me and calm my spirit to get through the day once again.  However, lately my angels have come in the form of those whose blogs I read that remind me that life is not something to be taken for granted.

I have also learned to embrace the child I once was, let her go and forgive those who hurt me.  Those who know me know what I am referring to, and it was a long, hard process–and to those who saw it and felt helpless, don’t worry.  I am fine.  I am a new person and once I was able to throw off the baggage, I was fine. I would not trade one second of my life for anyone else’s because I have learned to embrace things as they are and be happy.  As I said, I have much to be thankful for, and will continue to keep those who are feeling so down in my thoughts because I KNOW without a doubt things will turn around for them.

This Holiday Season, no matter what is going around us, even if all we have is a fried chicken from Wal~Mart, instant potatoes, canned green beans and some type of sweet to eat–we should be thankful that we are there together to enjoy each other for another day–another moment.  Sometimes all people have to give one another is the loving hug each morning and those 3 words called “I love you”–but to receive these one more time is greater than any gift in the universe if you stop and think about it.

Money buys turkey, presents, and a lot of other stuff–but it never guarantees love and happiness.  Perhaps that is what confuses me so.  I never really could understand how people can allow themselves to fall into the trap of defining themselves by what they have instead of their inner gifts that the universe gave them–the ability to make someone laugh even if they are having a rough day, a sense of humor to carry them through the rough times (like we have had in Texas with these wildfires all damned year!),   It is funny that those who have the least are the ones who are always ready to give the most, too.

Now go give someone a hug and tell them you love them–even if it’s your dog or cat!  Then dry your eyes and look around you.  It is never as bad as you think it is.  Tomorrow is always a new day and it will get better…Take care and have a great week!  😉

On a Lighter Note…

I need to lose 15 lbs…No seriously, I learned that while the south might use the term tea kettle for tea-pot,  there is a difference!  I also learned that there are people who DO make home-made cheese!   I am totally enthralled by this phenomenon.  I thought people stopped doing that decades ago!

I think it is simply terrific that people actually do this!

I am also grateful for all that has happened in my life.  I wouldn’t be where I am if it hadn’t been for all I have experienced.  More importantly, I am thankful for my family, my friends and my dog Buddy…

Each day we are on this orb, we should be grateful for what we do have. Even if in an emotional slump, I truly believe that there is always something we can be grateful for.

That being said, it is my wish that in the coming year, that all of my friends get what they desire–new jobs, homes, the babies to sleep the night through, or whatever…As for me I only want ONE thing and that is to be accepted 100% as I am.   I think if a person is working overtime to get me to change the way I am (or anyone else for that matter), then he or she should first invest in a mirror and start working on the person they see when they stand in front of  it. In fact, there is a good philosophy behind this particular song by Weezer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQHPYelqr0E&ob=av2e

Now you all know why I am taking my time with the guys.  I’m in no hurry…Individuality is the spice of life to me…If you cannot be comfortable in your own skin because you’re spending too much time worrying about someone else’s opinion and walking on eggshells to keep the peace–then it’s time to re-evaluate why you are where you are and make changes.  It worked for me…Have a great week!

This is an Indie Film Worth Supporting!

She remembers those days well…Walking into class with a pencil, the same clothes she had to wear for two days straight, her book and no paper…When she tried to borrow paper the student she asked told her, “Get your own! You’re always out of stuff!”  Embarrassed, by the situation she then asked the teacher if she had some that she could borrow.  In those days teachers weren’t that keen on it, but she knew the child’s situation at home…There was no money.  The teacher handed her a folder with ten sheets of paper with her name on it.  She then said to her, “This is your paper folder. Bring it to me every day and I will keep refilling it.”

Smiling the little girl did so.  Her grades came up and she seemed happier, even though other kids in her class picked on her.   I should remember her well…I was that child.  I didn’t always have what I needed due to things taking place at home–but at least I HAD a roof over my head.  Many of these students do not.  That is where School on Wheels comes in.  You can find out more via the link below. They have been providing tutoring services to homeless students since 1993.  This is definitely a worthwhile cause to support and more organizations like this are needed around the nation!

Now I want to tell you a way that you can help that might interest you as well.  IF you are a patron of the arts, and support independent film makers, then you need to check out the trailer for the picture “Lost in a Crowd” that is soon to be released.  The cast and crew have decided that they will give 10% of all funding raised to School on Wheels, Inc.   You can view the trailer here:

http://www.indiegogo.com/LIAC

There are also rewards in this for you depending on the amount you choose to give.  There are many independent films that do not make it to mainstream markets due to various factors, but this is a film that deserves to have support.  You will be seeing a lot more of this cast and crew in the future.

There is also a link on the home page that will take you to the main website for School on Wheels for when you’d like to give supplies, volunteer, etc…

Again, this is a worthwhile cause to be a part of, and for as little as $10, you can make the difference in the life of a student with needs this holiday season.  Thank you and have a great week!

Veteran’s Day Thoughts

Kenneth B. O'Neill USAF Msgt. (Ret-1972) 1929-1995

My father entered the US Army Air Corps at the age of 17–having lied about his age to get in (according to what he told me).  He, like my son Brian, had no idea what awaited him.  Like his grandson, he saw combat, had some of his friends die (at times in front of him) and missed many holidays, birthdays and anniversaries with this family as he did two tours in Viet Nam and one in Korea.

Veterans Day has a special meaning for me. It is the time I take to remember all that was good and right and pay reverence to those family members of mine who served and are no longer with me.  I miss my father very much, and although Brian is with me, I miss the young man I sent off on the bus a few years ago.

Both were wounded in the line of duty like so many others before and since…Dad carried his scars and such as does Brian.

To those of you who are serving our country right now, thank you so much for your service.  For those families who have lost service member(s), my heart goes out to you all.  May all of our men and women in uniform stay safe and come back home to us!

I Hate Politics…Really…Can You Tell?

There are some things in this world I do not understand.  I am not gay, but I don’t care who marries who and who sleeps with who. It is simply not my business.  Now I know the crowd who attends church every Sunday without fail are going to slam me for saying that, but it is true.  It is NOT my business or anyone else’s–not the church’s, not the government’s, etc…WHY does EVERY bleeding thing have to be legislated in this country according to the whims of those who are only trying to control the rest of the population via their leaders and lobbyists? The problem is that people who go out against gay marriage are NOT minding their own business but trying to force their will on another segment of the population.  There are some in that camp that will argue that it is the “left-wing-commie-loving-“whoevers” (their words–not mine)” that are trying to force their agenda on them.

I say that government–instead of taking sides in the issue should shut them all up and simply pass a federal amendment that will require one state to honor another state’s civil laws about marriage and such and then leave it the hell alone.  That way each state can legalize what they want and other states have to honor it.  Here’s the catch:  The legalization of marijuana will need separate attention. I don’t smoke marijuana…In fact I don’t smoke at all, but I am not offended by what others do…Why?  AGAIN:  IT is THEIR business.

I didn’t go around playing “Tap door, run!” like others did either…However instead of it being labeled the harmless prank as it is, many have decided to label it “criminal mischief“…All of  these laws are designed to meet ONE end, folks…That end is to gain revenue.  The fines collected and such would blow your minds. However, we do have to give to the $400K+ retirement package for the presidents when out of office…Then there are those congressmen/women who exempt themselves from legislation they pass wanting to force a medical care package down the throats of Americans as well as tax the hell out of them further.  First off, Congress should pass NO LAWS that they and their families are NOT subject to.  Their families shouldn’t get a college education on MY DIME when others who clearly deserve it cannot get aid to go themselves.    Most only DREAM of going to college because of state cuts.

THAT is a whole new topic for another post.  Both parties are contributing to the problems–they say government can’t run…Yeah right…Pay me only $150,000 a year with a 1 week vacation per year, good health insurance and a decent 401K, and I’LL RUN FOR PREZ in 2012! Don’t pay for my kids college either!  Don’t pay me the $450K a year when out of office either–($70K would be plenty) and definitely do not build a “library” for me.  I need no monument when people are hungry in this country! I’ll pay into SS (which all federal employees should do–including government members)! First piece of legislation I pass will be to return the Black Hills to the Lakota over a 10 year timetable.  Then I’ll  pass a “Mind Your Own Damned Business” law…That will mean people can marry who they want, and BY GOD, I’ll push to legalize marijuana for private use.  People who abuse law enforcement to harass their neighbors will get stiff fines and so will the exes who stalk their former lovers/exes, etc…There will be jail time for claims proven to be false and deliberately made too…How is that for a start?

Also for “crimes” that are really harmful to NOBODY that juveniles would commit–such as “Tap Door, run!”–NO FINES whatsoever…Make ’em do 40 hours of community service and write a 5000 word essay on why they shouldn’t break curfew  if they disturb someone’s beauty sleep! I’ve seen that penalty work on MANY kids.  I hate politics because it is all about the ALMIGHTY BUCK folks! Pure and simple!

I Am One Pissed Off Mom! CHILD ABUSE SHOULD NEVER, EVER BE TOLERATED!

Before reading this, I need to forewarn you that what you are about to watch is CHILD ABUSE.  This is a form of bullying I endured at home, but I knew the difference between a spanking and a beating.  My dad “spanked” me.  My stepmother would beat me by throwing me into walls and cabinets and such–literally…She picked me up off of the ground and threw me around.  This video rivets me to the core.  The language this man used with this child took me back to my own stepmother’s abuse.   The beating (and yes it is a beating) was totally uncalled for.

As a sergeant in a correctional facility, I saw men in that unit who did serious time for this kind of shit and this guy is a judge?! C’mon! People need to quit defending  Neanderthals like this! He is an animal!  I am brutal and to the point when I make these statements, but I was totally incensed at the cruelty of this man. If he has any minor children left at home, I hope to hell Child Protective Services (CPS) takes steps to protect them.  This was assault and battery of a child–pure and simple. Unfortunately, if this video is 7 years old, they can’t charge him for this beating, but if there are younger children around him, CPS can still investigate–and they should.

IF I were this young woman, this bastard would not come within 2 feet of any child of mine–I promise you that much.  If he did it to her, he’d do it to them.  If you don’t want to watch the video, I’ll understand, but please take my word for it–this guy is so full of bullshit that if he ever got locked up on a charge like that, he would spend his entire time in protective custody for what is on this video.  It is disturbing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wl9y3SIPt7o&feature=youtu.be

This is a Film You Need to Check Out! I’ll Tell You Why…

I have a lot of respect for the Indie film market because those in it reach out to wide audiences of every race, religion, creed, etc…Often the cast and crew give of their time to help those in need.  This is about one such group who have put their energy into a new film.  Right now they are raising money to get the film marketed, but 10% will go to Schools on Wheels, an organization that is making a difference in the lives of homeless students in Los Angeles.  I had never heard of Schools on Wheels prior to this film, but I am hoping that these pop up all over the place, because they are very much-needed!

Here is a link to School on Wheels here:  http://www.schoolonwheels.org/  and they are worth checking out!

The name of the film is called “Lost in a Crowd”.  Aside from being a pretty darned good movie, they are donating 10% of any money used to promote the film to School on Wheels!  You can check out the trailer and such here:   http://www.indiegogo.com/LIAC    This film  also marks the directorial début of Micah Cohen!  Also here is a partial list of the cast: Timothy Ryan Cole, Luke Albright,  David L. Murphy, Gary Cairns and Marta McGonagle.    I really wish these guys the best as they have put a lot of hard work and dedication into this project!

Have a great week!

Tina