Nanahood–What part is this?! Everything’s Here–Including My Bout with Postpartum Depression…

Okay…Here’s the latest! I went to the baby shower for my first grandson who should make his début kicking and screaming sometime next month.  I say that because if he is anything like Kevin Sr., we’re in for a ride, that’s for sure…Kevin (MY SON) had a set of lungs on him that could have been classified as ear-splitting wmd’s and hopefully my grandsons will have those too! I can handle that noise but I can’t say the same about people who like to honk their horns when I’m trying to SLEEP…

I already gave both grandsons “the lecture” too.  “Don’t be a corrections officer.  Go to College. DO something with your life.” and that was it.  I didn’t add the “…if you don’t go to college.” bit at the end of that.  I guess I should have…Well, they’ll get another lecture anyway.

I find myself remembering when I had my 3 sons.  Eric is a first time dad and Laura is a first time mom…The first time the kid sleeps all night, they’ll both be up checking to see if the little guy is breathing.  I think we ALL go through that when they sleep all night at first. Then there are those growth spurts (if either of them nurse) where the baby will want to eat every 30 mins for a week or so, and it will drive ’em mad because they’ll think the baby’s not getting enough milk, when he is…He just eats more often during a growth spurt.  In case some of these anti-breast feeding nurses end up coming at you, remember one thing:  get as much of the areola into the baby’s mouth as you can.  That way you don’t get sore nipples. Yes, those nurses are still out there and they don’t want to let me hear their BS about why formula is better either.

Hopefully, neither of the girls will go through the postpartum depression crap.   It does exist and Tom Cruise is a total idiot for trying to act like he knows something about it when he doesn’t know jack.  He’s not a doctor and if there is one thing that makes me mad it’s when someone tries to play “armchair expert” at something they have NO experience with.  He hasn’t lived those remarks to Brooke Shields down yet, either.

I had postpartum depression with Eric so I KNOW it’s real and I wish it on NOBODY.  I would cry and cry thinking that I had to be doing something wrong. At one point, except to feed Eric and change his diaper and such, I stayed in bed for 2 days straight. Found out later what caused Eric’s crying for hours was severe colic.  Dad stepped in several times during that point because I went through it for about 4 months until my hormonal imbalance (which creeped up on me) was straightened out. I wouldn’t eat for 2 days or so (something my sister didn’t know about but Dad did), and at other times I’d totally zone out. My dad and I became close again after I had my kids, and I am grateful that in hindsight, I can see that he knew what to do!  He had me tell my doctor when he took me to the base one day. When they did the blood-work, my hormone levels after 2 weeks were still all jacked around at levels that resulted in my getting more blood-work each month.  Ironically, I didn’t go through it with Brian or Kevin.

Either way that shit is real and anyone who says it doesn’t exist has his/her head up their fanny. It’s that simple. I hope if either girl goes through that they’ll get in touch with me or their mom…Why? Because most men just don’t get it. Seriously! Kevin would be so freaked out if Daphne went through it he’d be beside himself.  That’s the NEXT discussion I’m having with him by the way. He needs to know what to watch for.  To be honest, I didn’t realize I had it–I just thought I was losing my marbles and doing everything wrong.  No matter how reassuring Dad was and such–I could not pull myself up by the bra straps and get my head out of my fanny either, so the doctors were really cool about addressing it.  My main one told me that once my hormone levels went back to normal I’d be fine and it sometimes takes more than 2-3 months…Well, that’s what happened, but it actually took 4 months with me.  Going back to work helped some, but I wore my mask well.  I didn’t let it show, but Dad knew…Seriously…Couldn’t hide shit from the man…

There is just something about that father-daughter bond that never goes away regardless of what goes down…I miss that guy…AGAIN.  I’m sure he’s laughing because all the weird stuff happens with me…When I had Kevin, he called to tell my niece had been born. Her name is Chelsea…I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and my water broke. I called him back and said, “Well Dad, your grandson is on his way!”  He laughed so hard and said, “Well the strange stuff always happens with you.”  I wasn’t about to disagree because the pattern never changed. Seriously…I mean look at this chapter of my life–Nana getting the double whammy–TWO grandsons that will be about 2-3 weeks apart! How often does that happen? Better yet, what are the odds of  moms having kids on their birthdays? I’ve done that too!

By the time Eric was 4 months old, and under the docs care, I was back to normal.  Thank you Dad…At least the girls know if they need a breather, I’ll have a twin stroller and a crib at the house.  First thing’s first. I’m buying a big refrigerator. Something tells me I’m gonna need it–just like SOMETHING told me not to go to China when the opportunity came up.

Well I am SERIOUSLY hoping for some rain today. We certainly need it!  Have a great week everyone and enjoy this pick of Daphne and the best creative work I have seen from a teenager! Gives you an idea of what name they are considering for Grandson #1 (said in Charlie Chan voice)!

There were tons of gifts inside of this thing! The girl who made this should market these! They are great! Those are rolled up disposable diapers set in tiers and the compartment inside holds a LOT of stuff! This is my favorite pic from the baby shower! LOVE YA Daphne!

In What Colors Do You Dream?

Sounds silly doesn’t it?  Maybe it is but we all have our quirks and perks.  Some of us even slide into pulling into our shells from time to time because we are safer there. It is when I am in my shell, as I am at the moment that I begin to ask myself what it is I really want? What color do I want my life to be?  Blue is beautiful, yet almost as somber as black depending on the shade.  I love how the rain, lightning and thunder mixes with that–and there are many times I have felt safer in the storm than out of it.

Nobody can understand that thought either. I hear that life cannot be a “color” but who is it that makes these bloody rules?  I know that there are those times when I rant about some things, but they DO make some sense to me.  The color on those days is not a basic crayon red but more of that of arterial blood–my blood, which I once saw after being viciously bitten once.  That was a scary experience–combined with  yellow, which is often associated with fear but not canary yellow…Oh no…It’s more of a pastel because while there is some fear in my hesitation,  that part does not last long.

Then there is my mountain which ranges from brown to green, with various sprinkles of color throughout depending on my journey.  It calms and blends all those other colors.  It is said that we all bleed red but the road is red also.  That blood that dripped from me then is now part of that road for real.  So what color should I dream in?  Should it be the mixture of blues and greys of a summer rain long anticipated, or should I start to dream of greens and such?

Better yet here is a question for you.  What is the color of love?  Does any emotion have a color?  I thought I knew love but I didn’t until now.  It embraces me when I close my eyes. It chases me when I would rather be alone.  It really never gives up on me, so the Universe must know something that I don’t.  However, I don’t let it consume me.  I cannot let it possess me. It opens me back up to yellow all over again…This time the same shade of yellow as that wallpaper that Charlotte Perkins Gillman wrote about. I have heard that love is insane.  Time will tell won’t it?

What color is insanity?  Is it bold and bright or pastels and subdued?  Are the artists and dreamers really the mad ones or is the rest of the world the color of–well what color could the word “fucked” be?

Sometimes it can be the dark hues of “The Awakening” by Kate Chopin or “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath.  All of these colors I am looking into–but if love has a color–I fear letting it become a force to drive me out of this comfort zone–this solitude I am now in for the rest of the week.  As long as I don’t slip into the darkness of a murky river with grey stones to weigh me down, I guess I am doing fine.  That color keeps chasing me–especially when I dream–but should I dream it at all?  Is it white and pure or is it the color of the bruises that I once had upon my heart?

I do know this much–it does have different types and degrees–some true and some false.  How does one know the difference in their heart? Does the  Universe say to trust it, or to think before deciding?   I’m not trying so hard now.  Maybe it is not a color but a vibration.  If I figure this out, I’ll discuss that later.  But for now, in what colors do you dream?  I think I’ll enjoy these colors for a while:

Solitude with peace…This is where love might find me–if I let it.

I will stop this now.  I would rather dream the colors of my mountain and the colors of the new chapter in my life about to open.  Something is on the horizon–and it will be to my benefit.   In what colors do you dream?

The Strangest Thing About Facebook is it’s Infinite Stupidity

This could be such a short post, but it may not end up being so.  I’ll just free-type and see where the road leads…I don’t even know why I came up with this title…It’s kind of stupid because to me, Facebook itself is a “social” network that really isn’t that social. While it can be a useful tool to network with, I find it ironic that many members end up penalized for actually “networking”.

You know what I”m referring to–that phenomenon that many subscribers on Facebook call “Facebook Jail!”  That’s right. It works this way…FACEBOOK will suggest people to you that you  may or MAY NOT  know personally so that you can send friend requests to them. However, if you do that, they can suspend your account and penalize you for each time they think you make friends with someone you don’t know. Ironically there are ways around this. Make sure they email you if you are networking with each other for a few days before requesting them to be friends.  THOSE particular emails are enough to shoot down their accusations.

First off, I feel that Facebook (Are you paying attention Mr. Zuckerberg?) needs to get a life and new employees.  Many accounts are suspended in error, or people get suspended for actually making friends with FAMILY members and co-workers! I’m serious!  They also force changes upon subscribers that they detest without giving options to not use these so-called improvements, the latest of which is a feature they forced upon everyone called “timeline” which is a complete pain in the ass.

Personally, I cannot wait for a new social network to come into play to give them some competition.  When that happens, people will flock to it in droves–especially if that particular competing network respects the privacy of its clients.  Of course there are those die-hard fanatics of the Facebook status quo that say, “It’s free and you get what you pay for!” and they are absolutely right because they get nothing from it except a false sense of satisfaction from sitting behind the computer and constantly posting about crap that means absolutely NOTHING to anyone besides themselves…Yes, one can see a lot of people like that–and there are also those who are seriously using it as a tool  to market themselves, or they are trying to make the world a better place.  However, I see more trolls as of late…They simply like to read their posts,  the contents of which are equal to bovine fecal matter of the male variety. Whoever guesses what that is gets 3 brownie points in Tina‘s “Book of the Asinine”.

I would do a book of “Fear and Loathing” but Christopher Pennock does a better job of that than I ever could. I strongly urge you to check his readings on YouTube.  They are freaking hilarious.  They should get him on “Saturday Night Live!” Here’s a link to part 1:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2A07KmUp2c

I would like to add here that the funniest are parts 3 and 4!!!  After you listen to that, go like his fan page! He’s working again and he deserves the support.   HERE is the link for that but just so you know, most people know him as Jeb Hawkes from the original “Dark Shadows” series:   https://www.facebook.com/pages/Christopher-Pennock/202548139768998   While there, you will find that he is about to work on a film called “Posey” with Sally Kirkland. Check that project out!

That being said, I am moving into a new house and taking up my Insanity workout program again.  I’ll get the body I want in 6 weeks time and only spend time on FB to do admin duties and promote those people whose work I believe in.  Most of the people I know personally, I socialize with right here in my community or via email.  IF one can’t find me there or via my cell phone–I am most likely on my mountain enjoying my fellowship with my surroundings.  Why? Because I am really tired of the crap Facebook does that I mentioned above, and Chris Pennock: I hope you keep giving ’em enough hell for us both!