When There is No Justice, There Are Tears Without End

Today I am charged with writing something about my best friend.  This is the hardest post I ever had to write. Why? Because she is dead. She has been dead for years, but in high school she was my best friend. She knew everything about me and never shared it with anyone.  To this day I  still wonder why her killers got off with only a 7 year sentence when it was clearly premeditated murder. Had I been able to attend the trial,  I would have raised hell to the media about how HER character was put on trial rather than the actions of the bitch that pumped the bullets into her body.  She was lured out to a desolate road, shot and left for dead. The last conversation I had with her, we talked about my boys and such. Then she said she had to go to meet someone. That was the last time we ever spoke.

So what ended up happening? To make a long story short, they didn’t find the deposit. I guess they were high on drugs or something because they tore the rest of the car apart looking for it from what I am told. So what is there to say? My memories were of good, clean juvenile fun we had and a few in-depth discussions. Ironically I never met her father until well after she died.  She and I would talk for hours on the phone just BS’ing.  He remembered that. I remember the pain in his eyes. I remember seeing his tears fall as he relayed to me his thoughts about losing his only daughter.  Losing a child is a pain I can relate to, only I lost mine due to troubled pregnancies.

And as my eyes are now welling up, I can say no more–except this and that hope she is at peace, even though she got NO justice. Here is part of a song I wrote for her…Her name is Leslie.

“Childhood Friend”

“..Childhood Friend…Why have you gone out to play in all the rain, again?

Leaving me alone, your memory to defend to the end.

God it hurts so bad but I miss my childhood friend…”

I cannot write anymore.  I still miss her after all these years. I guess you can tell just from what I wrote above where the 2nd line came from…But she is dead and cannot defend herself. The person I knew is not the one the defense lawyer for these murderers tried to portray. That I do know and will go to my grave knowing it. I can tell you this…Not once did she ever try to offer me drugs of any kind–which is what the defense for these ass clowns tried to say she was doing in her free time to make THEM look a little better, I guess.  Given my childhood, which most who know me personally are aware of–if she were offering anyone drugs I would have been a prime candidate for self-medication back then just to escape the bull crap that went on in my life.

RIP Leslie…I still miss you, kid…

I also have an aunt who was murdered…They never found who did that either…Either way, Leslie got no justice and my aunt’s killers are out there and it sucks.

More on bullying…(Updated on 12/2/2011)

Worth sharing again…The problem is only getting worse and officials are far to complacent…

The Haunted Pen

If you read my earlier blog on bullying, then what I am about to say may be of some surprise to you. Yes, I do feel that forgiving others enables us to move forward, but what about those that are broken and can take no more? I have my own ideas on this.

We have different types of bullying–but in all cases I feel that there is ONE common thread. Bullies go after anyone they perceive to be different and/or lesser than themselves. I think they feel empowered at someone else’s expense because either they have been bullied and now this is an outlet, or they simply feel that they are above anyone else. I also feel that all bullying can stem from resentment or hate.

Bullies are EVERYWHERE. They are in school and in the workplace. If you don’t believe me, look at all the lawsuits. Bullies all…

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My Thoughts On Relationships and What I Tend to Avoid

Note: The post below is simply my opinion of the matter. I am very leery of who I get involved with, especially when they get too much into the “flattery” bit. I don’t know about the rest of you, but give me an honest guy I can bullshit with at the club any day of the week.  At least I know that even when we get pissed at each other we can still remain friends, even if I am never going get into a committed relationship if I can see it would ruin the friendship.

Maybe I am just strange but I never understood why some people feel the need to wrap their entire identity up in another person. I’ve been divorced for 19 years. I’m a bit gun-shy of anyone who tries to make out like I am their “possession” after only dating a few months. I bolt! I rather enjoy my independence. I think the biggest mistake young women make is they look for a prince when there is no prince. After the novelty of a relationship wears off, that is when the younger women get very disappointed, disillusioned and brought down to reality. They discover that relationships take work.

However when women look for a lasting relationship while a man is looking for an “arrangement” that suits him, that is where problems come in. Eventually they part ways and I’ve seen this too many times. Sometimes it’s the other way around and some of the women look to combine resources and such, while the guys are actually looking for something real and lasting that goes beyond the material. Neither type of relationship tends to last and I’ve seen too many of my friends end up miserable after seven years or so in such a farce. No, these people are not “gold diggers” either. They just have different ideas of what constructs a relationship and when two people get together who aren’t like-minded and there isn’t good communication, that is a relationship doomed to fail from day one.

I can tell quickly where I stand with someone now. I can tell when it will not work by listening closely to what he’s saying. If younger women (and men) could gain that skill without having to go through the motions first, there might be less heartache involved in the break-up. As far as being a woman, I was better off the day I realized there are no princes, and it takes more than a crown to make a true prince…Think about it.

This holds true for the guys who tend to hook up with “princess” types too–the girls who want all to revolve around THEM. Guys, those are the girls you need to avoid…Period. If they don’t have a life outside of YOU there is a problem… And  women need to realize, there are guys like this too. .Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about there when it comes to the “princess” type–Betty Broderick was one of those. She is an extreme example but the “princess” type will keep calling you and harassing you and your new girlfriend long after you break up with her. She’ll also back stab you when you tell her to knock it off and she will covertly try to make you look like the bad guy to others–and will work deceitfully and covertly to get others in your own circle to turn on you. I don’t know WHY it is but sometimes, and in some ways,  it is easier to spot the male doing this than the female.  Maybe it is because the female tends to be more subtle about it.

Granted, Broderick is an extreme example, but guys who have dealt with that type KNOW what I mean. They manipulate and cannot let go of the guy when he leaves. They are like “Hilly” in the movie “The Help”–where she treats her ex’s wife like crap and gets her ostracized in the community out of extreme jealousy, and she also tries to control others in her peer group. Guys, there is a way to spot those types. When they always say what you WANT to hear vs. what you NEED to hear to get you hooked, be careful. Some things are too good to be true. A good woman will start off  by being that friend who tells you what she really thinks–even if there are times it really ticks you off at first, but at least she’s being HONEST and that is what counts. And don’t pout if she is right either!  If she’s being honest with you, then she RESPECTS you as a person and cares about the person you are and NOT what you have to offer.  The same holds true for women out there who are addicted to those “sweet nothings” that they hear a lot. They need to ditch people who are into that bit.  That road leads quickly to misery. Sweet nothings are only bait used to hook the fish…

Chew on that for a while…There is a big difference in what some say vs. what they REALLY mean. That is another thing to watch for!

Enter the Key Man…

The woman frantically flings things around on her dresser and paces back and forth from room to room…”Where are the damned keys?!” she hisses as she continues along her reckless path during what seems to be this never-ending”Columbus” mission.  She pulled open every drawer, tossing and throwing bras, panties and even her pajamas on the bed convinced that Brutus her pet ferret, probably stashed them somewhere.

“I swear every friggin’ time Brutus is let out something disappears.” she groans as she flops back onto the bed, tossing her head sideways to get her lengthy black bangs out of her eyes.

The rain begins to pound on the windows as she looks at the blackened sky. “It’s a damned good thing I’m off today.” she mused.

She then heard a faint jingle.  She moved slowly as it repeated.  The jingle began to get a bit louder when she heard the back door open and shut.

“Hey babe!,” her hubby said, “I had to borrow your car this morning because mine is in the shop.”

“Really?” she asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

“Yeah,” he began as he saw her expression, “It’s Tuesday and I knew you would be off. I told you about this on Saturday. Remember? You were sleeping late so I didn’t want to bug you.” he said as he handed the keys back to her.

“Oh…Whatever. I thought Brutus stashed ’em again.” she said.

“No but he did stash this. I found it in his favorite corner.” he grinned as he handed her a bracelet.

“That little bas-”

“Now now…Calm down.  You know he likes to stash stuff. It’s almost noon. Let’s go to lunch. You’ll feel better.”

“Okay. Let me go clean my mess.” she said.

“Threw all your stuff around again, didn’t you?” he grinned.

“Yeah. I’ll be ready in a few.”  she said as she began the drudgery of cleaning up the bedroom–for the 5th time in three days!”

Just out of sheer curiosity, how many of you have days similar to that?