The Club Nobody Wants To Be In (Part 2)–They are Still Fathers…

This is a link to an older article which does a “Where Are they Now?” type of thing on David Smith–Susan Smith’s ex…

http://www.hlntv.com/slideshow/2013/10/09/david-smith-susan-smith-killed-sons-where-are-they-now

Having lost a child, this is a common thing to happen–where he talks about having more good days than bad,  but still having those days that bring a person to the knees…I still have them, but my son’s twin wasn’t murdered…The baby died early in the pregnancy and they insisted at the doctor’s office that I was no longer pregnant…When I went back  later with the ever-present morning, noon and night sickness that went on for weeks after losing the baby, they discovered there was another baby in the other sac.

I simply do not understand why society expects men to be what I can only describe as “unattached” to their own grief.  This is something we as a society need to move away from. Those who push this mentality need to be strongly addressed.  Men are every bit as emotional as women are, and they may not always show it in the way society has demanded, but society and it’s expectations should not rule how an individual would handle this issue–ever…Quite frankly, I am surprised at how many experts on grief, as a general rule, think that they are qualified to address the issue of  how to handle losing a child. This is especially true of those who never experienced such a loss.

Losing a child in any way is hell, but losing two in the way that Smith’s were lost would break even the strongest of men. However this man, despite those bad days, still drives on.  For that I admire him.  Nobody likes this little club that anyone who has lost a child is in, but I would like to see society lay off of the men…They can hurt like everyone else. Let them grieve because they also lost a child or (as in this case) more…

And for those who lost a child like I did, the men are still fathers just as assuredly as women who lost a child are still mothers.  People need to understand this, so please think before commenting and be just as considerate of the fathers as you should be of the mothers. That lost child (or those lost children) will remain a part of them forever.

 

A Day in a Western Dreamland…

I had a very weird dream the other day. I dreamed I was in a saloon in during the 1800’s. All was unusually quiet, save for one man who sounded a hell of a lot like Sam Elliot, who was telling a story…

“…Then the ol’ coot was sittin’ on the porch yellin’ at his woman to hurry up on gettin’ grub ready. She told him every time it was going to take a while because she was waitin’ for their boy to get back from the store with some salt pork.

I suppose he finally gave up n’ fell into a deep sleep. For two years he yelled and fussed over the drought goin’ on n he dreamed during this particular nap that clouds were a-gatherin’ about how it was sprinklin’ n he was jumpin all up n down “, hootin’ and a-hollerin’ (and the narrator demonstrated again) and slappin’ his hat when all of a sudden, he figured out the dust was still a-blowin’ n it was hotter than heck!

He took his hat and looked closely like this at it (demonstrates again), then he threw it down n stomped around like a crazy man!

“Why in the hell did he do that?” another man who sounded a lot like Anthony Zerbe asked.

“Well it was most likely because the bird in the nest above him on the porch pissed on his hat while he was sleepin’.”

They laughed as I woke up.

Here are My 2 Cents on the Ventura Ruling…

Here is another peanut gallery post for the subjugated masses…Why do I say that? Because it is short and it is simple.  The Ventura verdict is a joke that isn’t even funny.  He says now he would have dropped it if Chris Kyle had simply “apologized” for what he wrote…Apologized? The guy died!  So what does Ventura do? He goes after a dead man’s money.  In the public eye, if he wanted to prove himself to be the bigger man, he should not have taken a swipe at the grieving widow.

Sure one can always try to say “He didn’t do that. He went after the estate!” but since she is the executor–it’s the same bloody difference.

If Mr. Ventura ever goes back into politics like he’s considering, this is something that will bite him on the ass for the fact that he lost the respect of a lot more military members after this verdict than before it.

Have a great night…

Lost Treasures Found…

I sang rock and such for decades but was raised on country…I remember being in my 30’s and swearing I’d only sing rock…Well, it was Charlie Daniels that said, “If you go with what you were raised on, you won’t mess up.” or something to that effect.

Well I have found that I do have some country chops…I guess I can thank my grandparents for it but I was simply DRAWN to this song the other night. I never realized who Goldie Hill was, but now I listen avidly to the songs she sang. I also listen to the likes of Cowboy Copas, Kitty Wells and a lot of others as of late–yet I keep coming back to THIS song.  There was something in her voice that I simply adore.  Watch this one–and believe me, I could almost hear Patsy Cline cover this song, had she thought of it and/or lived long enough. You’ll see why.  Just bend a note here and there and stick with the natural register and BAM!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-F8veijaO0

There are so many people I never got to hear when I was little because a lot of them died either prior to my birth or shortly afterwards.  However, it is the classics that keep bringing me back “home”. Here’s another one I love to hear:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUHqM3j7n5Y

Hearing him sing that, I can now see just how much impact losing him, Cowboy Copas and Patsy Cline at the same time  broke the heart of Country music itself for quite time. Losing those 3 had the same impact on Country music that the crash that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper had on the world of Rock and Roll just a few short years before.

I guess I know the feeling of what it is like to find a shiny treasure in an old attic!

Have a great day!

Spammers Tick Me Off…If They Tick You Off, Feel Free to Use This!

If you have difficulty finding this blog on Google and you are spamming, you either need glasses and/or I am blocking you. Sorry folks…I had to put it out there because I’ve got too many people trying to spam this blog as of late! Fellow writers, feel free to use this to vent anytime you like on them too!

Most of us know you are simply trying to get us to visit your sites to set us up with spyware, malware, viruses and/or various crap you want us to buy from you. However, I for one, AM NOT interested. Therefore, you do not need to respond to this post! Thank you.

A Club Nobody Wants to Join…

I have been down for the past 2 days.  Depression over losing a child 28 years ago set in and it will pass, but what brought it on should not surprise anyone.  A friend of mine lost her daughter two days ago. She was waiting for a heart transplant. It is quite different to lose an older child but the pain is the same for us both.  We will never get to see our children’s “what might have been” and there will always be an empty space at the table.

For a while people seem empathetic and will listen to us. They will allow us to cry on their shoulders for a bit, but if they have never been in this unique club, there comes a day when they stop listening and we are left to deal with the wreckage alone. They do not know how to deal with our pain so they say things like, “You need to get over it.” or “You need to come back to the living.’  Well god forbid they ever have to join the membership of this club because then they will know the reality of the situation. Some even go so far as to say “You can have another child.” OR “You have other children.” Excuse me, but NO CHILD replaces a lost child. One can have 10 more children after and they still mourn the one that is lost. Believe me…I KNOW this for a fact.

Every would-have-been birthday is greeted with the utmost dread.  Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc…is greeted with thoughts of “what might have been”. In short, losing a child is a pain we never recover from–we just learn to deal with it in our own way.  To this day I cannot attend funerals of children/babies.  It literally tears me to fucking  pieces and nobody understands why. It is simple–it brings up my pain that I am still dealing with after 28 years and I feel so bad for the other parent(s) because having been a long-standing member of this god forsaken club, I know what they are in for in the long run.

If you want to help or understand a grieving parent, try not saying anything. Just listen. Wipe our tears when they come. Whatever you do, don’t say things like those mentioned above. While well-meaning they actually cut like a bloody knife.  I apologize for my language earlier but I am NOT having a good day today. I don’t know if I will have a better one tomorrow either, but at least I have a pillow to cry on and can be there for my friend as she needs me.

 

Yes, People Kill People But….

Look, I do not talk about this a lot. Yes, I DO support the right of EVERY law-abiding citizen to own a gun, but mental health in this country has to be addressed.  I’m not into all this gun grabbing crap a lot of people are trying to push for,  but I see nothing wrong with flagging people who have severe behavioral disorders from getting a gun. If people are arrested for domestic violence, robbery, assault, etc…they should automatically have their guns confiscated also until found not guilty–and if found guilty, they should not be returned to anyone in the household, but sold to cover costs incurred by the county and/or state.

I do not agree with the extreme left on this issue because they give off a perception that they do have a goal to take ALL guns away, or at least many of them do. However, these violent groups of people have to be dealt with.

I do not think it is that much to ask for. I’m not advocating limitations on all guns or gun sales, just to individuals who have such records.

Had such a system been in place in the 1970’s my stepmother might not have blown her brains out when I was almost 15. Was she mentally ill? Yes. We found out AFTER her death that she had been institutionalized. Her favorite thing to do when my dad was at work was to point that .22 that she killed herself with and put it to my temple as her method of “discipline” which was nothing more than terrorism in my home.

To this day, people, I can still feel the cold end of that gun at my temple. Sometimes I wake up dreaming about it. It was only after she died that I realized that this wasn’t just a surrealistic nightmare I lived in, but that she could have, at any moment, blown my brains out and anyone else’s in the house too.

Unless you lived through it, I know you can’t relate to it and more went on than that, which I will not discuss. Funny thing is I didn’t really realize what “normal” was until I got around “normal families” that sat at the table together and such after her death. I grew to pity her. Hopefully, she is at peace. I forgave her long ago, and despite the nightmares I have once in a while, I can still feel pity for her and understand that she could not help herself–but that the state failed to help her a long, long time ago.

I will say this much for those who have gone through something like this at the hands of a mentally ill relative or person close to your family. What helped me was to forgive her. Once I did that, the nightmares gradually happened less often, and became less intense. I actually stood over her grave about seven years ago and told her that I forgive her. Anyway, I hope that does help someone out there. I know forgiving her did help me.

Why We Should All Read the Writings of ANY Public Figure…

If you want to know what any public figure is about, read their writings. Read the books they wrote themselves. Those reveal the content of their character. If you have not read those, then don’t criticize those who have. To refuse to check out a person’s own words means that one is willing to remain willfully ignorant. They are willing to be used for that person’s gain. It doesn’t matter if that person is a political figure, entertainer or journalist. Those words that were put into print define them. It is those who choose to stay willfully blind who refuse to read them–or listen to them if they are available on audio. If they are upset with YOU for doing so, then it is because they don’t want to see the truth, but to live in their own Utopian delusion whatever that may be.

I have a nasty habit of calling writers on the carpet when they contradict themselves as well. We all should all be doing this if we are paying attention.

Elliot Rodger…All That’s Left is “Why”?

This is another one of my short rants. We’ve got a director blaming the NRA for the deaths of innocent people. Evidently he doesn’t know squat. Elliot Rodger was mentally ill. He needed help. His parents tried to get him that help. Had the Santa Monica Police Department seen the warning signs of trouble in his videos, MAYBE they could have gotten him committed to a psychiatric facility for at least 45 days. Had they done that, 8 people might be alive today. THAT is the bottom line of it. In my opinion, mental illness doesn’t excuse an action or make it right, but it does help explain the “why” of it to a degree.

Now I want to know what also figures into this “why”? Was this guy bullied all his life or something? THAT is the vibe I got off of watching some of the videos. He doesn’t really come out and say it, though. The reason I say this is that a lot of shooters seemed to have experienced school bullying. THIS is one thing I personally would like for the public to know. Hopefully one day all the families, including Rodger’s, will have the answer to that “Why?”

However the political “blame game” is not going to cut it this time. People need to quit using others’ tragedy to earn brownie points or to get people to take a look at their work and that is what the director that made the NRA comment is doing. That’s right. I’m calling him out.  He’s using a colleague’s tragedy to make a name for himself. They don’t need to use it to further politics either. People are sick of that tactic already, and before anyone starts complaining and moaning, I don’t own a gun myself. I never have. I probably never will because I don’t need one. However, I do support the right of law-abiding citizens to own one.

 

Why On Earth is This Tolerated?

I have written much about bullying, but feel compelled to address what is turning into a severe problem nation wide.  A growing number of elderly and disabled people are being attacked. Why? Because criminals view them as easy targets. I don’t want to hear about teenagers making mistakes when I’m reading about elderly people having to have plastic surgery because their facial injuries so severe.

I don’t want to hear about how people make mistakes. To deliberately target those who are least able to help themselves, to me, is a hate crime. I don’t care what race the perpetrator is. I don’t care what race the victim is. Our elderly and disabled deserve better treatment than what is being given by our justice system, so HERE is what I propose:

I propose that anyone found guilty of assaulting an elderly and/or person with a disability which results in serious bodily harm should have to serve a 25 year sentence, flat-time and no parole, in a federal correctional facility.

There. You have my Monday rant. I am so sick of reading these stories, and many of these victims get critically injured.  This is some serious stuff people.  I personally think that 25 years flat time in GP is plenty of time to rethink one’s actions in a case like this.

I have an aunt who was murdered–after being severely beaten. So if you think I’m over-reacting, just pray this doesn’t happen in your family. Why is this even tolerated in this country? That is all I’m saying about this crap.