I’ll Stay Single, Thank You Very Much…

When destined to be alone  it is totally best to revel in the solitude. In order to truly appreciate it, all I have to do is listen to all the couples I know when they fight over dumb crap and be glad that I don’t have to deal with their dilemmas.

I am very serious. Every couple I know either got together out of some sense of a need for a living arrangement or they got together because of outside pressures that “they’d be good for each other”. I am sorry but any relationship that is not based on a mutual attraction in the beginning that leads to some sort of pseudo commitment with no love  is nothing but a lie in the making and if there is any love whatsoever, it is usually one-sided. “Arrangements that make sense” are just not my thing. That’s a business arrangement not a relationship.

These are the same individuals who think my life is “broken” and needs “fixing”. No thank you. I spent over half my life married and have no desire to commit to anyone again.  I have no interest in meeting the person one thinks would be so “good for me” because in fact that is being based on what is good for THAT person engineering this whole thing in his or her own mind. To that I would say I am not you. I have my own needs and desires and if I go out with anyone it will be of my choosing, not yours. If that person is so good to you, then dump your significant other and go out with him yourself…I’m not interested. Capiche?  I feel like I’m being pimped out when someone tries to set me up like that and I totally detest it.

Every couple I know fights over money, or the fact that one has to work long hours to make the money to pay for that house or whatever the other person wants, but then they get mad because they feel they don’t get enough attention once the novelty wears off of the relationship. Relationships take work. I learned that a long time ago. After two strikes I’m not going for a 3rd. Unlike a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” I know when to take what I’ve got and walk away. I’m not willing to kiss any more friggin’  frogs and I’m not looking for a prince because to me there is no such thing as real, romantic love. If there were, there wouldn’t be so many bloody divorces…

Here is the PERFECT singles ad for me if I were going to put one up: “Hey guys! If you are looking for a woman who looks like Cindy Crawford, cleans like Alice on “The Brady Bunch” and cooks like Julia Child, you are shit out of luck with me.”  At least I can say I am honest. I do not need anyone to “take care of me” and I certainly don’t need a partner to validate who I am.

Red State…Blue State…How about “NONSENSE”?

Is there some reason why all Americans, who bleed red the last time I checked, let their politicians guide their every thought as of late? I’ve heard people in red states bash blue ones and vice-versa and have started blocking all of them when they do it on Facebook.   It is rubbish. It is another form of bigotry that has been labelled as regional bias. Why can’t people agree to disagree and let people live as they want to? I’ve heard one side say they want religion outlawed. That is stupidity. Even if it is outlawed people will practice their faith regardless and they will teach it to their children so you can scrap that idea now.

The other says they don’t want to allow same-sex marriage.  Then don’t do it.  If you don’t want an abortion–don’t have one. For those in the blue states who bitch about those who own guns…If you don’t want a gun, don’t buy one.  We as a nation have allowed ourselves to become somewhat “bullying” of  others who live in states below the 36th parallel. Well get over that garbage. We are all Americans. Again WE ALL BLEED RED.  We have enough enemies outside of this country that the last thing we need to do is to allow this country to implode from within but the real difference lies in who reads what laws are passed and who doesn’t as well as who is willing to give up some freedom just to have their medical bills paid or whatever.

I for one am NOT willing to give up the rights granted by the Constitution and I find it appalling that our military would not be able to keep bullets in their weapons in this country while the police in many areas are being given small arsenals.  Perhaps the government doesn’t want our soldiers to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United states and protect a bigots right to be a stupid ass bigot.  I’m sure this makes the Westboro Baptist Church very happy any way–not to mention some extremists in other countries.

I will also be the first to point out that voting for someone or against someone based on race, gender, etc…Is still based on the “–ism” words. Think about it.  Read what they stand for and if it is not something you would want your children and grandchildren to live under, either change your latitude or fire  your politicians in the elections.  GET OUT AND VOTE!

Other than that, leave each other alone. The political climate created by the politicians started all this crap and the anger SHOULD be directed at them. We are merely caught in the middle.

And while you are at it, this is something you MAY want to take into consideration being that it seems to predict what is going on…Yes, it’s George Carlin, it is funny and yes there is some bad language in it. However, he was right and Americans didn’t want to see it because they all live in their own little bubble.  We need to  stop this left vs. right crap and actually READ the laws put into place.  We certainly do not need to let this bias from some make this nation escalate into chaos. If they don’t want to work with us, then We the People need to VOTE to put a stop to this nonsense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vG4vvFwyYWQ

 

Ladies (and Guys), If You Want to Rid Yourself of a Would-Be Suitor… *Snickers Profusely Here*

Alright this was inspired by a friend I went to school with…I’m not giving her name or anything but I have been in this situation myself so I’ve decided to share some things to get rid of that persistent “would be suitor” who wants to take you out but you have NO interest in him or her.   These can easily be adapted for men’s use against persistent females, but just change a few names up…

For example when a guy says to you in a theater where there are plenty of seats available but he comes up to you and asks, “Is this seat taken?”  You already KNOW what time it is–especially if he tries to introduce himself and shake your hand.  All you have to do is grow a pair and say, “No and this one is about to be available as well.”

If he’s one of the overly persistent pain-in-the-ass types, just say, “No and this one won’t be either when you sit down.” OUCH!

Guys, just act like your cell phone is ringing and your wife is calling–or better yet–pretend you have a boyfriend.  Cools the persistent stalker girls like the church lady in Six Feet Under really quick. If you’ve never seen it, you need to get someone to show you the church scene where Michael has to tell her to get lost!  Why? I can’t find the damned clip of it but if someone else wants to share it, feel free!

Now for the next scenario. A guy comes up to you, introduces himself and starts really pushing himself to get a dinner date with you, making you feel really uncomfortable.

For the women you only have to say one thing, “Sure but I think you should know that I am Betty Broderick‘s half-sister or I’m Aileen Wournos’s lost daughter.”  That should make you a real hit if they bother you at work too!

If he says “Who?”, just say, “You might want to Google that.”

Men, just say, “I’m Charlie Manson‘s (or Ted Bundy‘s–insert your favorite serial killer’s name here) bastard son.  Are you sure you wanna hang around me?”  Make sure you get that “Michael C. Hall from “Dexter” look about you too when you say that–IF the lady keeps stalking…

*Now I am going to go have my cup of Mexican Hot Chocolate and laugh profusely at the absurdity of life!* LOL

After all if life is a joke, are we not waiting on the punchline?

Oh and if you’re wondering about that “Dexter Look”–here…This is probably his funniest kill scene too. Watch this clip (and it has adult language in it so don’t let the kiddies see you watch it! ) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8taUxqSRsDg

Funny how I’m giving advice on how to get rid of a prospective date in less than 10 minutes…

How to Manage Complaints–Literally…

After many complaints on various subjects, I have found that categorizing the complaint levels is a tremendous help: Cat 1: These have top priority so sharpen your wit and deal with them bluntly and honestly. Cat 2: General whining and such: Always answer with one word: “And?” especially if they are in your circle and you can do NOTHING about what they are complaining about. Cat 3: The ones that do not make sense. Answer with “Can you rephrase that please?” and MAYBE they will form a coherent thought that one can deal with and cause their complaint to make it from this “junk box” level to a Cat 2.

I have also found that most of the ones in the Cat 3 box tend to come at me when I am at various parties, or at the club.  And the people levying them as if trying to aim a gun without a sight on it, are too drunk to pull my trigger.  They tend to sound like the late Foster Brooks–only with speech less intelligible.

For those of you who do not know or remember who Foster Brooks is, here is a reminder!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yACWE3CzmYQ

Now if this were a post being made on a professional level, believe me, I would rephrase this entire post, but being that I am not making a work related video–except for those of you who work at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, I shall refrain from all logic because at your place of employment, there is NO SUCH THING!  Have a great week, everyone!

In the meantime, here is some interesting reading fodder for those who seriously would like to check out the issues below…

 

We Aren’t Born Free…Women, ‘Tis All An Illusion (or Bullshit)….

Warning: This post contains adult language. If you are an adult, then you’ll have to deal with it (mostly the word “bullshit”). Once again, I’ve gotten into an all time, funk–aka one of my bullshit moods. It is within this realm that anything might emit from my pen or keyboard–and this is not  (pause here)  “The Twilight Zone” so even I do go off into left field on this particular venting session, it is hopefully a lapse into a temporary case of posterior cranial rectumitis…If so, I’ll be back to my normal bright and bouncy self in a few days, hopping around like Tigger on steroids…Maybe it would sound like this–then again, maybe not… 😉  By the way both the sped up and slowed down versions are on here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rek6ZL9tHYk

We begin in confinement.  We begin in a very small place, that adjusts with us as we grow.  We wait to break free,  It is warm, solitary and quiet there, and then we’re sent into another form of confinement–with strange voices, bright as hell lights and we freeze our ass off until we’re sent to our new quarters. No one understands us there either, so they learn to communicate with us by trial and error, and as we haven’t yet realized that we are as humans truly born astride a grave (as Beckett says), they eventually learn to interpret what certain cries mean and such… We are then confined in a home, sometimes full of love, sometimes not. That depends on those charged with protecting and guarding over us.  Some shield us from the fighting and such. Others take no thought at harming us by acting out their anger.  Others actually love and care for one another, so the confinement seems more like a safe, secure place with perks and such…That is, until we assert our own individuality. God forbid we do that!

We have to be carbon copies and if not, all the arrows become pointed at us:  “I didn’t raise you to be that way!”, “You should never have had that kid!”, or better yet, “I don’t care what your parents say, I’m all you’ve got and you’ll damned well do what I want you to do!”  That last line did not work very well with one of the matrons my dad brought home either. That was when the riot began.  It was more like a strike.  Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose and sometimes winning doesn’t seem worth it in the end.  In my case, I still question it.  However the fourteen year old I was, who had to endure much torture in that cell, didn’t–at least not until well after she was grown.

Then more of those “what if’s” crept in to antagonize her a bit… Those “what if’s” from our past are only pictures of former cells we were locked into, but if we have a place to escape to, even if for a little while, the cells we spend our lives in and out of are much more bearable. I for one, am glad that I am getting older. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I sure as hell don’t want to see what this world is going to be in the next 50 years.  Why? It will only get worse. People become more selfish with each passing generation and want to control everyone around them–thus making neighborhoods and such “mini-prisons” all in the name of what they hold to be “valuable” and it is not always their property, but they are really trying to force their way of life on other people. It really is to the point that where when someone says to me, “We are born free…” I strongly object to that.  We are not free when rules and such of one segment of society are forced upon the rest. I find it ironic that we have to fight to maintain our individuality as artists and such because someone says, “Oh…this is what is marketable.” OR “That is what is correct to say.”  That’s bullshit.  It is what they want to market to keep others from exercising critical thinking skills.

They have conformed and they want the audience to conform to their own way of thinking, and that is manipulation, which I also feel is bullshit. Quite frankly, this whole idea of the “world community/village” is bullshit.  There will always be leaders fighting and arguing over who will control this bitch of an orb, and if people are dumb enough to allow it, then it is their own fault when their children and grandchildren suffer for their lack of foresight.  It is always about what people and their leaders want HERE AND NOW and that is where the problem lies. This world is so riddled with problems and complications it cannot be corrected in OUR lifetime so what have we done? Passed the bullshit on to our children and grandchildren to deal with. Welcome to the world, where we aren’t born free…and probably never will be again. THAT is what the media fails to tell you all.  And hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be my bright and cheery self again and will be proven wrong, but it may take a week…Or two…or three. I just really got peeved at this article below and it set off a chain reaction in me…As a woman, this is only a reminder to what I feel is true, at least tonight…Here’s your “war on women“, Alice

http://jezebel.com/yale-officially-declares-nonconsensual-sex-not-that-b-988475927 And a lot of our leaders have come from that University…That should really piss you off.

And I do like the one below!

 

Gee…Ya Think?

Disclaimer: The following post is meant to be a sarcastic rant and nothing more. It is not to be taken seriously. If  you really believe that I mean this stuff in a serious context, please seek counseling on the big, brown ugly ass couch and you will feel better since  I will not respond to any post that tries to make this more than the piece of political dark-witted tripe that it is!  Of course watching certain political figures using certain tragedies and the victims of them for their own gain sickens me as much as anything else.  Both parties do it. That is my opinion…

In light of the latest attack on 15 people at the Lone Star College in Cypress, TX some fringe groups are beginning to lobby congress to pass requirements that box cutters, utility knives, sharp gardening tools, hatchets, machetes,   and such materials would  be sold only to those who are contractors in the State of Texas or those who are utilizing these tools must be in possession of a sales tax certificate that will enable them to sell arts and crafts that they produce.  Anyone else who wants these must take a 3 hour training course requiring safety rules be taught on where these can be kept and such.  There will also be a number on the limit of blades and such that anyone can buy for a refill.

Alright…I’ve already established that this is nothing more than dark witted tripe.  So now you are probably thinking, “What the hell is she going on about?”  It is simple. I will spell it out for you.  Whether it is a gun with a limited number of bullets, or a box cutter, they can both become “mechanisms for confrontation”. There is one thing people might want to consider in the gun debate though. With a limited number of bullets, it will take time to re-load, which will give people time to escape or take down the attacker.

On the other hand, a box cutter, utility knife, or other sharp items–like machetes,   can be used repetitively, relatively silently, and swiftly before anyone can take any action because those doing it can hide in a crowd if they get away, and the people who commit crimes using guns or this type of weapon are the exceptions and not the rule. More laws and such will not stop these killings.  The events at Lone Star College only serve to prove the point.

There are other points to ponder here.  Shouldn’t those who are known to be deranged enough to commit such an act have access to anything like this?  I am willing to bet that most will answer “no”, but the only way to stop this is to stop closing down mental health facilities and stop having more staff at the mental hospitals than beds available for the patients. People who are this far gone should not be running around loose and untreated in a free society. 

To continue to allow this will only endanger more people. And for those who have no record of mental illness who commit such depraved acts the answer is simple. When they kill, rape, and or cause grievous bodily harm, lock them up.  NO light sentences for violent crimes and such.  That will stop a lot those who can obviously tell right from wrong from going to the “largest hotel chain in the U.S.”–which is the correctional facility.

To think that outlawing or severely limiting ownership of any mechanism of confrontation, whether it be a gun, machete or whatever is going to stop crimes or reduce the numbers dying each year is, at best, erroneous thought.  Again, the people who commit these acts are the exception and not the rule and since they are the ones doing most of the violent acts, they will find other ways to carry out destruction regardless of what is taken away from society.

 

Texspearean Experience–“Merchant of Venice”….Nana’s version…Well, a Snippet Anyway! ;-)

I am working on a contemporary version of the Merchant of Venice–by William Shakespeare. However, this version is going to be written in the Texspearean language for those who have trouble with reading the great bard’s work.  It is my hope that he has a sense of humor because if he doesn’t, and reincarnation is real (which I don’t think it is-sorry), then with my luck he’d come back as the person who stomps me into the ground–because, I’d return as a  friggin’ cockroach!

Seriously this thing is playing out in my mind…That can be very dangerous.  Be afraid…Be VERY afraid.  What you are about to read is not something you will find in the world which you now know, but you will find it only in, “The Tina Zone” when she’s sleepy…This is part of my journal, folks. DISCLAIMER: I do not take XANAX or PROZAC!

The woman dozed off for a bit…She was exhausted from her long workday, but was thinking heavily about “The Merchant of Venice” before turning off the light and closing her eyes for the night…For some strange reason she saw a contemporary scene played out at the end of this short little dream where someone uttered the line, “No s***, Shylock!”, at which point she woke up for a bit, but as she dozed off, this scenario crossed her mind:

“…NERISSA How like you the young German, the Duke of Saxony‘s nephew?

PORTIA Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and
most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk: when
he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and
when he is worst, he is little better than a beast:
and the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall
make shift to go without him….”

In contemporary language in today’s world, she knows how Portia’s answering line would open in such a version…It would start with two words: “…Bitch, please!” and then go on to “…I can’t stand the dude!…” among other things.  Then she would explain the reasons for hoping she could just be left to her own devices or run off to join the French Foreign Legion…”  

Then again, that is the world of Tina when she’s tired and dozing off.  Have a great week! I know I will! I at least hope it makes someone laugh. I love reading Shakespeare, but when it comes to talking about it, my wires ALWAYS end up crossed and I end up creating this stuff one beast at a time!  I do love comedy, so that’s probably part of  it.

 

Nana: The Baby Boomers are the “Forgotten Audience” It Seems…

Well–not to sound cliché but “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  I am really tired of networks cancelling good shows like “Harry’s Law“, “Memphis Beat” and “Cold Case” because of Nielsen ratings.  These ratings are no longer truly representative of what viewers want because they do not adequately get put across to households representing all age groups.

Even Warner Bros. has stated that “…baby boomers tend to not go to theaters, so that is why certain movies get marketed…” HELLO!  Dear Warner Bros: We pay the friggin’ bills half the time! Stop ignoring us all! If WE are at home in rocking chairs, it should be us you’re surveying and not those teens and ‘tweens you keep pandering movies to that aren’t fit for my dog to piss on the fire hydrant in front of the theater over. You know exactly to what I am referring.  Yes, I am mad. Yes, I’m still hormonal. Deal with it.  To you we are the forgotten audience, but like that nagging ringing you get in your ears, we are NOT going away. We don’t have one foot on the grave and another on the banana peel yet.

Think they got that, folks? Even if they see it, it will not matter much…

One of the best movies that could appeal to my age group is “The Life of Pi” and the other is “Lincoln”…There’s 12 months in a year and that is all Hollywood has to offer us?  Well, there is “Armour”, which I think is probably one of the best films of last year, so it deserved its Oscar nod as well! And it’s a French film! Not all baby boomers get into “The Avengers”–but there are those who still do.  Just for the hell of it, I will watch “Cowboys and Aliens” on dvd though.  Granted there are a few family films put out, but the best ones get put out by Pixar (“Brave”) and NOT WB.   The Expendables II is also good. Like the idea of all those actors grouping up for another hurrah!

That brings me to another topic…Why don’t you boneheads keep the older actors and actresses we love and respect working?  I’ll watch a movie that has Muse Watson, Ben Cross, Kathy Bates, Helen Mirren or Judi Dench any day of the week before I’ll watch that freaking “Twilight” you keep trying to get me to buy tickets for–which I won’t.  I’ll watch Hammer Films. At least they KNOW how to make a good horror/suspense flick!  Did any of you young whipper snappers see “The Woman in Black” yet? I suggest you watch it and learn a thing or two after subjecting this lifelong Dark Shadows fan to that abysmal movie that was made in 2012.   Hammer Studios knows how to get the job done right. That has been proven.

Bruce Willis also knows how to get the job done right.  “Red” proved that.  Watch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFLX7Pk1Tn4

Just to note: IF Willis makes a part II for this I hope Mr. Cross gets offered a hell of a comedic role!

If you’re not going to keep us happy using the major networks, I hope some enterprising investors come up with a network JUST FOR older audience members that will keep these actors working and put food on the table!   It makes perfect sense to me!   A little innuendo and such doesn’t bother my age group either.  However constantly being bombarded with the “visioning” and “re-visioning” these screenwriters come up with really pissed off my age group in the past few years.  It has gotten to where I prefer live theater to television anymore because the networks keep putting too much trash on them.  The only good shows worth watching are the CSI’s, NCIS’s, Law and Order spin-offs, etc…I could care less about “Reality TV”. I can watch reality for free every day so I don’t want to see it on the television…

I’d rather see a good variety show than Glee any day of the week.  I think one of the best movies that is going to come out in 2013 is going to be “A Common Man” with Sir Ben Kingsley and Ben Cross starring in it.  I’d pay $30 a ticket for that one!  I’d also pay for a ticket to hear Ben Cross sing, but that’s off the subject a bit…However, that man has some pipes on him, folks!  I never knew he could sing until I saw this a few years back:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khSVOJF4S3c

I think another good movie coming out is “Monumental” which stars Gary Cairns II, who also stars in “Black Butterflies” with Brad Dourif. “Black Butterflies” is also coming out this year too.  Yes, Gary is younger but he knows how to act and he takes good scripts so I’d pay as much to see him also–and he is a down to Earth, cool guy. I can personally attest to that fact.

“Posey” is another film that everyone who has had Alzheimer’s touch their family or has elderly family members they love dearly should watch this year.  Sally Kirkland is a wonderful actress and she recently snagged the Best Actress Award at the Idyllwild CinemaFest for her role.  Billy DaMota is a man with an excellent heart to put such a film together and I fully support it.  Also having Christopher Pennock in the cast peeks my interest as well!  I’d love to see him get more work this year too! Here is the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWMTBV7sIl0

Alright now…Her majesty “Nana” has spoken.  Have a great week!

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

And I hope you all have a wonderful time with family, friends, and/or loved ones. I’ll be at work and will go to Mom’s after or early in the a.m.

Here’s a laugh for ya!

Oh Come on! You knew this was coming! LOL Have a great one!

I Simply DO NOT Get It…Nana’s Practical Joke!

Many of my friends who know me know that I am anything BUT a prude.  I don’t believe in changing the proper name of something to make it more appealing to the subjugated masses of America.  That being said I am putting something on my blog never done to the best of my knowledge. I am putting a pair of TIT pictures on here. That is right! A Pair of Tits!  To make it easier–two pictures of two kinds of tits!  Now anyone can use my link for a practical joke and say, “For a nice looking pair of tits–check this link!”   That will teach those with a dirty mind to come here, won’t it? At least I am good for a laugh or two…

Here are the blue tits!

I think it is the part of the responsibility of EVERY writer to elicit laughter from the audience once in a while… ***Grins sheepishly here***! If you were sent here by a friend and cannot take a joke, then I’ll say to you in my best TEXSPEAREAN manner: “Don’t blame me so harshly for I didn’t name the critters! However if it should offend ‘ye then ’tis you that hath a burr in yer craw! And jus’ so ye know, them Brits have two species: Great Tits and Blue Tits and notwithstanding my dig forthwith ‘ye know I believe they love those tits!”

Well you can’t blame me! After all, I didn’t name ’em did I?