April 9, 1929

Kenneth B. O’Neill USAF Msgt. (Ret-1972) 1929-1995

 

On this day in 1929, my father was born.  I heard the story about how hard times were–to the point where my grandpa often stole chickens and such to keep the family fed.  They picked cotton. They worked the fields and they were very creative.  My grandmother, Mary E. O’Neill played an organ, Dad could write and Uncle Jackie could also–in fact, my uncle had a photographic memory!  He could read a book and remember it almost word for word, page number and chapter of what he wanted to tell us about.  In short, Uncle Jackie was a genius!

I”ll share some of the funny stuff at some point but for now, I’m just going to sit back and remember some of the fun things–like when we all went camping at Ringling Lake in Eastland, TX.

He’s been gone since 1995, but I think of him every year. I’m a little late tonight, but I was always late for everything when I was young–except school and work.  I drove my dad nuts if I didn’t call when I was supposed to, but today I wish I could call him…I miss him more than anyone can comprehend, but if I could call him, I’d introduce him to this little guy–his great-grandson!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=409471489133877&set=vb.100002130892797&type=3&theater

I see a little of Dad in him…Just enough to lemme know that that boy has the Irish in him!  I think his hair is going to be like Dad’s too, but it’s too early to tell…

Anyway, if my dad is out there somewhere with his arms folded across his chest wondering what the heck is going on around here, I just wanna say this:  “Happy Birthday, Dad! You can put your halo back on now. I remembered!”

😉

 

 

We ARE Mothers…

There are times I get really pissed at the way the medical profession and some magazine writers try to dehumanize the experience of a miscarriage.  One article said, “…We imagine ourselves as mothers…” Oh hell no! They did not just say that! I don’t care if it is a loss at six weeks or six months–I am still a mother who has lost my child–and my ex-husband is a father who lost his dammit!

Then they call it “products of conception” or “fetal tissue”.  All I can say to any medical professional who would use that type of terminology to a woman and her partner who has miscarried is a phrase not fit for this post so I won’t repeat it here.  I lost my child. When they acted as if I did not know what I was talking about, I switched doctors. If the difference between one mother’s child is that it was a wanted one and someone else’s was not, then save the terminology for the abortion clinics and read the frigging chart before you shoot your mouth off because if it is a mom in a very emotional state you are dealing with,  she might just come unglued on your ass…IN fact, I know several mothers who lost children who would. I know I would if I endured it AGAIN and was treated as if the being  carried inside of me was not worthy of being called a “human being” but relegated to being called “products of conception” or “tissue”.

NOTE: This post is NOT about abortion. However I think a lot of the people in the medical profession try to treat this  experience like one and that is what pisses me off.  Even the old term for it (if it is not in use now) was “spontaneous abortion“.  The experience of losing a wanted child is unique and personal and should be treated with the same care and compassion as losing a loved one would be treated had it been a stillbirth–including offering referrals to counseling for couples going through this. Support groups for grieving parents who have experienced this are amazing, I think. 

Losing a child is a gut wrenching, physically painful, horrible experience regardless of what stage of gestation and if people in medical profession are trying to help us by dehumanizing the experience, they are deluding themselves.  Those in psychology tend to do the same.  It is because of this lack of consideration for those of us who go through this that I am writing this.  I know there are places out there somewhere that don’t conduct themselves in such an android like fashion when dealing with that type of grief, and I would like to know where they are. I will gladly refer people to those from this blog. As of right now, our group is unique and in a class by itself. In short, we stand alone.

Now if you have family members going through this, just listen and show some empathy.  Don’t say things like “Well, you’ll have another one someday.” or “At least you know you’re capable of having a baby.”  These are very insensitive things to be saying and it is pure bullshit.  You will alienate anyone you say that to over time if you do this–especially if the event might have left them unable to conceive. Trust me. I’ve cut people off for this.  Why? Simple. One child will never replace another.  We don’t forget the pain of losing the ones we lost and I can tell you from personal experience that even after 27 years, there is still ONE empty space at my table I think about from time to time.  In short, if you want to keep your friend, and you are not sure what to say, just be quiet…PLEASE…

This was not the only miscarriage I had, but it is the one that stands out because it is my son’s fraternal twin. It is VERY rare to not lose both, but I didn’t lose Brian. They said two weeks later when I still had morning sickness and got into it with the nurses that it was all in my head and I was NOT pregnant…They were going to send me to a psychologist. I said get the test and we’ll settle it now–among a few other choice things…Voila! I was STILL pregnant with that one and they rushed to do a sonogram.  Brian’s sac was in tact but it was considered high risk because I lost the twin. It is also very, very rare to keep one twin after losing the other–especially as early as it was.

In short, if you don’t understand it, just be willing to listen and don’t say anything.  That’s really all we need is a listening ear and a good shoulder to cry on.  You don’t know if or when a couple will be able to have another child, so it’s best not to comment one way or another on THAT issue too.

 

26 Years After Losing a Child, I Still Wonder…

It was 26–almost 27 years ago that I miscarried. I remember the sac and such.  I was told I wasn’t pregnant anymore, yet two weeks later I still had morning sickness and such.  Then that doctor said, “It’s psychological and was going to send me to a “counselor”.”  After ranting for about 20 minutes about how having a kid is like riding a bicycle, they decided to do an ultrasound and another pregnancy test.

When the test came back “positive” my doctor was baffled.  Then they did the ultrasound. Sure enough, there was another sac with a fetus inside of it–with a heartbeat.  That was my son, Brian.  The doctor looked at me and said, “It is very rare to lose one and keep the other but it has happened before.  Most of the time these pregnancies are difficult and still result in loss…” and I stopped listening at that point.

The pregnancy was difficult. I spent the last few weeks in bed. Brian was 6 lbs. 8 ounces when he was born and was still estimated to have been born 6-8 weeks early.  He had reflux and had to sleep at an angle after he almost died at 2 months.  His stomach valve wasn’t fully developed and this caused his milk to go to this lungs when he spit up.

To this day I wonder what his twin might have been like. Boy? Girl? Red haired and blue-eyed like him, or more like me–dark hair and green/hazel eyes…I can say this, no child replaces another. I still mourn the loss of the one. It is very insensitive to tell a mother who has lost a baby via miscarriage or stillbirth anything such as “Well at least you can have another one.” or as in my case, “You don’t need any more children anyway. You already have one.”   I never spoke to that “friend” again either.

I also want to add losing a child does not mean one is not a mother or a father. They still are. They still grieve and mourn and go through the gamut of emotions that go with any death of a loved one.  The fathers go through the experience as well so it is not fair to expect them to be any less traumatized or hurt. Guys, if you have a male friend whose girlfriend or wife went through this, let him grieve and listen. At least then you are being a true friend to him. The same goes for the women who have never experienced it. There is NO right thing to say, but just listening helps.  So do hugs and allowing the person their grief.  This “being stoic” thing is bullshit.  Don’t expect that. We are human. We feel. We cry. We mourn.  Deal with it or just keep  quiet.

We do make our way back eventually, in our own time and in our own way.

 

Letter to Lil Man:

Dear Kevin D. (aka “Lil Man) Thomas:

You are a child who is blessed with a mother and father that love you.  When I held you in my arms the day you were born, it brought back memories of when I held your father in my arms.  Like your father before you, I knew you were a fighter with a strong spirit.  Even now, almost 7 months later, I can see the love in your eyes just as I saw it in his.  When you reach for your mother, in your eyes, you are reaching for your guardian angel.

I may not show my emotions much, but they are there.  I would lay down my life for you, your mother, your brother and sisters, your father and/or your uncles on any day of the week. That is how much I love you all.  One day you will know what I mean by that but for now I log that here.  Maybe one day, when you are old enough to read it, then you will understand that our blood runs deeper than the muddy waters of the Mississippi River and our ancestry is important–all sides of it so embrace it and learn about it.

While I am here, I will show you what I can, but the rest will be up to you one day.  May you walk in beauty.  May the road rise up to meet you and the wind be at your back as well.  Above all,  These are blessings from  2 parts of your ancestry–the Irish and the Native American. You must also learn of all of your ancestors for there are valuable things you can carry through life with you.  I do know that  a wise person will always find his or her way (from a Tanzanian proverb) and that is my hope for you–to find a way–YOUR way in life.  

Know who you are and where you come from. That is something nobody can ever take away from you. Above all, when you are older, live your life and go for your dreams. That is my hope for you.

With Love,

Nana

PS:  Sleep well, Lil Man…

 

Nana’s Favorite Pages and Blogs…

ON some o f these, there will be an actual link to a post that moved me so much at the time, it needs to be shared!  Here I go:

http://www.flaurena.com    Because Lauren’s jewelry appeals to my individualist nature.

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2011/other-mischief/nanny   I read this blog post every time the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing comes around, and it is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on any blog–anywhere!  In fact, a few years back, her blog post on “karma” got me to turn a few thoughts around in my head and get out of the correctional field.  She posts on many subjects, too! Check it out!

http://momsicle.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/caramel-apples-chocolate/  From food, to parenthood and everything in-between, including travel tips for parents of tots, this is a helluva blog…Check it out!

http://www.terribleminds.com/  Very blunt, honest and to the point–in short, when he posts about writing, he doesn’t post bullshit.

http://piperbayard.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/the-end-is-near-and-we-deserve-it-kindergartener-deemed-terrorist-threat-and-suspended/   Whether weird stories like this interest you, or historical fact, OR the impending Zombie Apocalypse–this is one cool blog!

This will be updated again I’m sure but for right now, these are my top 5. Have a great day!

Nana Had A Somewhat Inspirational Thought…

 

If I had a knack for beading or making jewelry, this little creature is a wonderful inspiration for a necklace! I just had to share this! This is a rainbow seahorse and it is endangered. I never saw one before either! He’s a beauty isn’t he? Enjoy!

 

I am not particularly talented when it comes to making things. I don’t cook well. I can draw a little and I write.  I am good with ideas though.  I am hoping some enterprising jewelry maker/crafting addict will make a necklace inspired by this little guy!  He could be silver with cz or aurora borealis and rainbow stones in it or something.  As stated in the caption, this rainbow seahorse is an endangered species. What do you all think?  I hope you all have a beautiful day! I enjoyed time with my grandson!

My son made a wonderful dinner for us all and I noticed that my grandson, although he’s only 2 months old has a GREAT right hook!  He takes that fist and bats at those toys on his busy gym like they are nothing! LOL!

All in all I realized how truly blessed I am today. I’d rather be right here right now than EVER be 21 again–guaranteed!  I feel more alive right now than I’ve felt in 5 years!  I also have a better outlook on life in general and on the future.  If you are down today, I hope you find some inspiration also! Maybe this post will help someone else find a ray of light!  Have a great one!

 

 

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Nanahood Philosophy…

I have reached the conclusion that the best legacy I can leave to my grandchildren is to do what you love, let the world know you love it, and never be afraid of what others think of it as long as you are satisfied with what you have chosen to do to leave your mark on the world. IN doing so, never look back with regrets because that is the one thing that can slow your progress. Move forward. Strive for excellence and never let others define your self-worth or decide your path for you. It is your life to live, not theirs. You have to own your mistakes as well as your achievements–and when you can do that and not blame others, it is easier to be at peace with yourself and the decisions you make.

I spent much of my life trying to make others happy, often at my own sacrifice. Those days have ended.  I walk my own path rather than that which was set for me.  It is my hope that my grandchildren will also do this.

That being said, I am considering a 6-12  month teaching assignment in China.  Whether or not I do this depends upon what happens at my job in the next few weeks.  I want to see the world. I want to share this with my grandchildren.  Nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it, right?  I fully intend to write about my experiences wherever I go, just as I used to do on this blog. I am going to return to the mountain in the morning to ponder this as well.

I have to do what I have to do. Hopefully things will work out here, but if they do not, I have other doors through which I can readily pass.  Nothing is impossible.  Have a  great weekend everyone!

 

There are more pics to come, but this little guy has really brought some light into my life!

A Big Day in the Nanahood!

 

Meet my grandson, Kevin D. Thomas! He finally decided to make his début onto the world stage at 1:20 p.m. on 7/18/2012! He weighed 7 lb. 14 oz and is 20″ long. Believe me when I say this kid has a set of lungs on him too!

Well everyone, without further adieu,  Nana is getting some sleep! I had a big day and came home to a ton of laundry to do! LOL!  I got it finished-finally!  I got called at 1:20 yesterday morning and 12 hours later, the little guy arrived!

 

Meanwhile Back in the Nanahood….

It has dawned on me that I actually will have had FIVE grandchildren by the time the babies arrive. Daphne already has 3 kids.  Two daughters and a son.  I enjoy being around them and I never spoke of them before but they are really good kids! In fact, when I get paid again, I plan on spending a little time with them on my days off.  Maybe we’ll actually get to go someplace!  Who knows?

This is going to be one of the shortest posts I ever made but here’s a pic:

L to R: Jabez, Elizabeth and Dorcas on the mountain with us last summer…And they are good kids! I love having them in the family!

My impression is this: Jabez is the game whiz/bookworm even though my son tries to get him into football…Elizabeth is the athletic one and Dorcas is our girly-girl…I’ll have to introduce her to www.flaurena.com when she’s older!

Nanahood–What part is this?! Everything’s Here–Including My Bout with Postpartum Depression…

Okay…Here’s the latest! I went to the baby shower for my first grandson who should make his début kicking and screaming sometime next month.  I say that because if he is anything like Kevin Sr., we’re in for a ride, that’s for sure…Kevin (MY SON) had a set of lungs on him that could have been classified as ear-splitting wmd’s and hopefully my grandsons will have those too! I can handle that noise but I can’t say the same about people who like to honk their horns when I’m trying to SLEEP…

I already gave both grandsons “the lecture” too.  “Don’t be a corrections officer.  Go to College. DO something with your life.” and that was it.  I didn’t add the “…if you don’t go to college.” bit at the end of that.  I guess I should have…Well, they’ll get another lecture anyway.

I find myself remembering when I had my 3 sons.  Eric is a first time dad and Laura is a first time mom…The first time the kid sleeps all night, they’ll both be up checking to see if the little guy is breathing.  I think we ALL go through that when they sleep all night at first. Then there are those growth spurts (if either of them nurse) where the baby will want to eat every 30 mins for a week or so, and it will drive ’em mad because they’ll think the baby’s not getting enough milk, when he is…He just eats more often during a growth spurt.  In case some of these anti-breast feeding nurses end up coming at you, remember one thing:  get as much of the areola into the baby’s mouth as you can.  That way you don’t get sore nipples. Yes, those nurses are still out there and they don’t want to let me hear their BS about why formula is better either.

Hopefully, neither of the girls will go through the postpartum depression crap.   It does exist and Tom Cruise is a total idiot for trying to act like he knows something about it when he doesn’t know jack.  He’s not a doctor and if there is one thing that makes me mad it’s when someone tries to play “armchair expert” at something they have NO experience with.  He hasn’t lived those remarks to Brooke Shields down yet, either.

I had postpartum depression with Eric so I KNOW it’s real and I wish it on NOBODY.  I would cry and cry thinking that I had to be doing something wrong. At one point, except to feed Eric and change his diaper and such, I stayed in bed for 2 days straight. Found out later what caused Eric’s crying for hours was severe colic.  Dad stepped in several times during that point because I went through it for about 4 months until my hormonal imbalance (which creeped up on me) was straightened out. I wouldn’t eat for 2 days or so (something my sister didn’t know about but Dad did), and at other times I’d totally zone out. My dad and I became close again after I had my kids, and I am grateful that in hindsight, I can see that he knew what to do!  He had me tell my doctor when he took me to the base one day. When they did the blood-work, my hormone levels after 2 weeks were still all jacked around at levels that resulted in my getting more blood-work each month.  Ironically, I didn’t go through it with Brian or Kevin.

Either way that shit is real and anyone who says it doesn’t exist has his/her head up their fanny. It’s that simple. I hope if either girl goes through that they’ll get in touch with me or their mom…Why? Because most men just don’t get it. Seriously! Kevin would be so freaked out if Daphne went through it he’d be beside himself.  That’s the NEXT discussion I’m having with him by the way. He needs to know what to watch for.  To be honest, I didn’t realize I had it–I just thought I was losing my marbles and doing everything wrong.  No matter how reassuring Dad was and such–I could not pull myself up by the bra straps and get my head out of my fanny either, so the doctors were really cool about addressing it.  My main one told me that once my hormone levels went back to normal I’d be fine and it sometimes takes more than 2-3 months…Well, that’s what happened, but it actually took 4 months with me.  Going back to work helped some, but I wore my mask well.  I didn’t let it show, but Dad knew…Seriously…Couldn’t hide shit from the man…

There is just something about that father-daughter bond that never goes away regardless of what goes down…I miss that guy…AGAIN.  I’m sure he’s laughing because all the weird stuff happens with me…When I had Kevin, he called to tell my niece had been born. Her name is Chelsea…I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and my water broke. I called him back and said, “Well Dad, your grandson is on his way!”  He laughed so hard and said, “Well the strange stuff always happens with you.”  I wasn’t about to disagree because the pattern never changed. Seriously…I mean look at this chapter of my life–Nana getting the double whammy–TWO grandsons that will be about 2-3 weeks apart! How often does that happen? Better yet, what are the odds of  moms having kids on their birthdays? I’ve done that too!

By the time Eric was 4 months old, and under the docs care, I was back to normal.  Thank you Dad…At least the girls know if they need a breather, I’ll have a twin stroller and a crib at the house.  First thing’s first. I’m buying a big refrigerator. Something tells me I’m gonna need it–just like SOMETHING told me not to go to China when the opportunity came up.

Well I am SERIOUSLY hoping for some rain today. We certainly need it!  Have a great week everyone and enjoy this pick of Daphne and the best creative work I have seen from a teenager! Gives you an idea of what name they are considering for Grandson #1 (said in Charlie Chan voice)!

There were tons of gifts inside of this thing! The girl who made this should market these! They are great! Those are rolled up disposable diapers set in tiers and the compartment inside holds a LOT of stuff! This is my favorite pic from the baby shower! LOVE YA Daphne!