Another Day in My Life: First post of 2016

In the last four days I’ve come face to face with the reality that I will be an orphan. The word “orphan” is usually associated with a child who was given up by parents or both parents are deceased. Well, the inner child dwelling within me will fall into the latter category one day…

My sister and I respect our mother, and as we were taught, we will respect her wishes.  We have placed her into in-home hospice. Over and over she has let it be known that she wants to die in her own bed, and being that this woman is the most important person in my life at the moment, what she wants is all that matters. This is how 2016 began for my family.

As opposed to when I lost my dad or a grandparent, the emotions here are different. Mom has good days and bad days. Given that she has days where she is lucid and is the woman I knew, there are days when she is not. During the latter, the dementia can totally transform the people we know and love into an alien life form, barely recognizable…

Those are the days that are difficult but I am going to hang onto every lucid moment that I can get. The nurses and workers who are in the trenches every day with this should be commended. Thank you, Ms. Colorado for your monologue on nursing. People need to watch it.   The nurses that took care of my mom at Hendrick Medical Center treated my mother with dignity and respect. She hasn’t been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s but she does have some dementia.

The nurses are more than nurses. The aides are more than aides. They also helped me to cope. They also bore the brunt of the difficult moments. For that I am grateful. Anyone who wants to make a detracting, snarky statement should come talk to me.  Joy Behar,  in particular should take note. If she wants to continue in her snarky commentary due to her lack of education and/or common sense, she should be job hunting because journalism is clearly not her forte.

When dealing with sensitive subject matter, if someone is going to editorialize and not report the facts of a matter, they should remain silent rather than reveal themselves for the incompetent writers that they are. Entertainment at the expense of the elderly, the vets, the nurses, doctors and aides is not entertainment. It is an insult and this viewer will not watch any show that allows its writers and/or hosts to engage in such detracting garbage.

Why? Because my mother is the most important person in my world at this moment, as is every other person who suffers from such things. If writers cannot comprehend that we should be responsible adults when dealing with these subjects, then it is time to back away from the pen and the keyboard.

 

 

Kadja Cries When She Sees This…

Even though I am grown, the little girl in me still has her triggers.  This song is one of those triggers.  However it is an important song and every word of it rings true. I can relate to Alyssa, but I was more fortunate. I lived to tell you my story. Please do not wait until it is too late to act on behalf of a child. You might be the only voice that can reach into the right places to save a life.  Please watch the video and don’t go off on religion because what your belief system is isn’t the issue here.  The genre of music you prefer is also not the issue here.  The message of this song is an important one. It was then, and it is now.

I was abused at home and bullied at school.  I know the reality of such an existence and NO child should ever go through the things I have endured.  To this day I do not associate much with former classmates.  Why? They are triggers. They may very well be different people now, but the place and seeing them still triggers memories of a time and a place that made me stronger–but it also made me a very non-trusting individual in my later years.  Some of my classmates are friends, but there are those I avoid for a reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLh5vbBLpxI

It Is A Wonderful Life

It was still warm outside and humid, so she sat in the car for a bit with the air conditioner running. She looked down to check her cell phone and dozed off. That 17 hour shift really made her feel all of her 50 years and then some.  She closed her eyes. All was tranquil. Peaceful…She remembered looking up at the stars for a bit before checking the phone.

She isn’t sure how long she slept but suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and heard her son cry out, “Mom!”

She looked up and said, “What?!”

“Mom, you scared the shit out of me! I thought you were dead! I mean it! I’ve talked to you for five minutes and you didn’t hear a thing and I saw my world crashing down!” he said.

“Sorry…Just had a long day–”

“I know Mom, but that really scared the living shit out of me! You need to get to bed.” he said, as he ran his hand through his long, black hair.  She saw the concern in her son’s eyes. They had started to well up. Then he calmed down.

She didn’t argue…She merely got out of the car, crawled into her bed and cratered once again.

It was then that she began to think…In an instant the lives of those around her could have changed forever.  She is sure that is what he was thinking as well.  However it doesn’t change the fact that working long hours are a part of her life. It doesn’t change the fact that she loves and cares for everyone around her.  However, at this moment, she does wonder how her absence would affect their lives, but since she saw her son’s first reaction, she had come up with  an  interesting thought.

The only film that addresses how the absence of one from the lives of loved ones affected family members  was only addressed effectively by the movie called “It’s a Wonderful Life“.

Well, it may not be Christmas. The woman may have her troubles at the moment.  However it is a wonderful life.  Things will get better–health-wise and in other areas.

Her hope is that it gets better for some of her friends who are having some issues of their own as well. She looked out over the Brazos River last week and said to the 4 winds, “Be with them and guide their way.”  She left it at that for the moment. And now she is going to rest her tired eyes once again.

Have a good evening.

Brazos River, TX

What Will it Take? Too Many Kids Die from This…

People need to watch this and PLEASE share it! So many kids die in hot cars…Having lost a child due to a miscarriage years ago, this made me cry buckets tonight. Get your Kleenex. People who are this careless make me angry to this day.  I know people who are struggling to have children who would never dream of doing this to ANY child. Maybe this will make a young mother think twice about locking her kid(s) in a car to just “run in for a few things”.

Many toddlers die from vehicular heat stroke,  people….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNDWN8KDVSM#at=370

 

Remembering the Monster

Part of Kit was terrified, and another part told herself that nothing would come of it.  Karen had knocked the crap out of her again after getting into a fight with her dad yelling, “This was your fault! If you weren’t here–” and she stopped as she reached into her purse next to her in the car and pulled out that damned pistol again.  She put it up against Kit’s head but Kit stared straight ahead. This was a child who had been down this road, in the darkness of the night with that gun at her head so many times, she simply didn’t give a shit anymore. In her mind, at least it would end if Karen actually did pull the trigger. As she felt the barrel against her left temple she stared up at the moon.

The air was cold since it was January and the stars seemed to be very bright. Kit loved looking at them. She often wondered what it would like to fly up into where they were.

“Are you listening to me!?,” Karen screamed, “You had better be listening!”

Kit then looked at her and said, “Nothing scares me anymore. Not even that gun. Not even you. Either do it or let me go live with Mom.”

The gun was now pressed against her forehead.  The barrel was cold and Karen’s hand was shaking as Kit stared into her eyes.

“Stop looking at me damn you! If you go to school one more time and tell them–”

“You’ll what?! Blow my head off? Do it. I told you I’m not afraid anymore. I don’t care!” Kit yelled as she kept staring straight into her eyes.

The now 13-year-old was quite resolute in her statement. She saw no way out of the house of horrors so she began to stand up to the monster.  That monster was Karen.

Karen threw the silver pistol back into her purse, started the car and sped off with Kit still inside. She took her across town to Jack’s house.  She then reached across the seat and opened Kit’s door.

“Get the hell out of here and go inside! If you say one word to Jack I swear I’ll–”

“Whatever…Same old crap!” Kit said to her as she shut the door and began to take a step back.

With that Karen peeled out with such force that Kit was knocked down.  The child got up, dusted off her jeans and went to the door. It took a long while for  her to go to sleep, and her sister-in-law was asking what had happened but Kit only responded, “With Karen what doesn’t happen?”

The entire family felt powerless to help the child.  The only way Karen stopped hitting her was when her mother got wind of it.  Her mother delivered a personal message via her aunt down the street.

“If you touch Kit or my son one more time, Bitch, I’ll kill you myself.” was the message.

Kit would not find out about this until she was in her 20’s but often wondered why during the last six months of Karen’s life she tended to just storm off when things got tense between her and her dad.  She didn’t even bully Kit during that time other than to scream at her once in a while. Kit got to where she would tune her out.

When Kit entered her cell she would look at the green shades and cringe once in a while. She would then look at the wall she decorated.  She put up a red tartan bedspread on her wall for an accent wall and then covered it with Beatles and Bay City Rollers posters.  She also had a huge poster of Paul McCartney and Wings on the other side of her room.

On the other side was her doll collection.  She had Native American dolls, Japanese dolls, the first Revlon doll ever made and a lot of other antique ones–which got sold out from under her little by little  after Karen’s death–along with her TV because her dad said, “You don’t need this stuff anymore.  He then replaced it with stuff Karen had–which she didn’t want.  She worked for her things and now they were taken from her one day while she was at school.  He gave the stereo she did babysitting  for to her brother and then gave her Karen’s which pissed her off totally.

While Karen did have a better one, she wanted no reminders. She liked her white one. She paid for it with her money. Now her brother had it. She had a 19” black and white TV she liked watching. He put Karen’s 9″ portable color TV in there.  That also pissed her off–especially since it had to be sent for repairs every time she turned around.  However one night she was watching and a video from the  year prior came on.  It was “Mull of Kintyre” by Paul McCartney and Wings.

It would be that video that would spawn her desire to see other places.  She loved how the kids in that video were having fun down by the fire on the beach–something she never got to do.  As thoughts of the monster began to fade a bit at night, those thoughts were replaced with new ones–and when the green shades came down, it marked a new freedom for Kit.  It was at this point she picked up a pen and began creating new worlds, new people and dreaming of a new life.  She had never seen mist  rolling in from the Ocean and longed for it…One day she would, but for now, the video had to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5626WzsfMw

This was the video that started that journey for her so many years ago.  The open land and the beach…The smiles on people’s faces…These were the things that she loved to see on TV.  And later in that year–1978, she would find out what a “normal” family was…She would realize then how abnormal her life had been and it would also make new thoughts churn in her head as she pulled out her pen and paper.

 

The Shame and Scourge of West Texas–Nana is MAD!

I have posted before on the growing problem of homeless families in the Midland/Odessa Texas area. I find it appalling that the number of homeless families with working members is on the rise in West Texas. I am writing a proposal of my own to send to Washington D.C. that will allow the federal government to collect the extra profits from such gouging/profiteering  and remove the incentive to raise rents to the point that it is discriminatory against women, elderly and the minority populations. If it doesn’t stop now, the cancer of the working poor living in the streets will only increase. If the states won’t put rent controls in on their own, then it is the duty of the Federal Government to step in and put a stop to this greed.  Whether this takes place during a natural disaster (which IS illegal) or a boom, it is an outrage and Texas should be ashamed for not stepping up to the plate to prevent further displacement of its elderly and its families.

Even rents on a lot of  HUD assisted housing have also  increased in these areas.  This also needs to be addressed as the owners of such properties are merely making money off of the backs of the poor with this garbage. I am formulating my proposal as I type and will post some provisions I am putting into it  in a later post, but there will be some that I would like your comments on.  Get ready…Nana is about to go on the warpath against the greed and corruption that is coming with this boom.

The property management companies and landlords who are doing this are a scourge and a disgrace to Texas and to the entire nation. It is the duty of America to expose them and this practice and do what we can to put a stop to this outrage! It is affecting our entire state and the children–and when it comes to our children we have a duty to protect them from this scourge! That is my opinion.  To those thinking of moving here–you will be lucky to find a place to put an RV in West Texas right now. Good luck! You’ll need it as the prices of rental spaces in the campgrounds are getting out of control too.

26 Years After Losing a Child, I Still Wonder…

It was 26–almost 27 years ago that I miscarried. I remember the sac and such.  I was told I wasn’t pregnant anymore, yet two weeks later I still had morning sickness and such.  Then that doctor said, “It’s psychological and was going to send me to a “counselor”.”  After ranting for about 20 minutes about how having a kid is like riding a bicycle, they decided to do an ultrasound and another pregnancy test.

When the test came back “positive” my doctor was baffled.  Then they did the ultrasound. Sure enough, there was another sac with a fetus inside of it–with a heartbeat.  That was my son, Brian.  The doctor looked at me and said, “It is very rare to lose one and keep the other but it has happened before.  Most of the time these pregnancies are difficult and still result in loss…” and I stopped listening at that point.

The pregnancy was difficult. I spent the last few weeks in bed. Brian was 6 lbs. 8 ounces when he was born and was still estimated to have been born 6-8 weeks early.  He had reflux and had to sleep at an angle after he almost died at 2 months.  His stomach valve wasn’t fully developed and this caused his milk to go to this lungs when he spit up.

To this day I wonder what his twin might have been like. Boy? Girl? Red haired and blue-eyed like him, or more like me–dark hair and green/hazel eyes…I can say this, no child replaces another. I still mourn the loss of the one. It is very insensitive to tell a mother who has lost a baby via miscarriage or stillbirth anything such as “Well at least you can have another one.” or as in my case, “You don’t need any more children anyway. You already have one.”   I never spoke to that “friend” again either.

I also want to add losing a child does not mean one is not a mother or a father. They still are. They still grieve and mourn and go through the gamut of emotions that go with any death of a loved one.  The fathers go through the experience as well so it is not fair to expect them to be any less traumatized or hurt. Guys, if you have a male friend whose girlfriend or wife went through this, let him grieve and listen. At least then you are being a true friend to him. The same goes for the women who have never experienced it. There is NO right thing to say, but just listening helps.  So do hugs and allowing the person their grief.  This “being stoic” thing is bullshit.  Don’t expect that. We are human. We feel. We cry. We mourn.  Deal with it or just keep  quiet.

We do make our way back eventually, in our own time and in our own way.

 

Sometimes Nana DOES know best…

Lil’ Man’s daddy decided to get a motorcycle…Nana said, “Don’t get that! It’s a damned death trap!” because she KNOWS her sons.  Well, guess what?! He didn’t even have it 36 hours, wiped out and hurt his shoulder.  He’s in a sling. I went to take him some money, but he had me to go ALL the way across town to take it to Daphne and told me to do so via the phone because he didn’t want me to see him like that. God help her!  I took it to her and let her know what he said to me…

Now bear in mind I had NO idea about his wrecking the motorcycle already. He never said a word about it.  She burst out laughing and told me EVERYTHING.  I then made it a point to call and say “I told you so!” and one of these days when I am dead and gone, I am certain that they will hear those four words echo in their heads every time they do something that in my life worried me to death about them all!  I take comfort in the fact that ONE DAY Lil’ Man’s daddy is going to know this feeling ALL TOO WELL!

Sometimes things do NOT change when the kids are grown…We still are concerned over them and there are times when we KNOW their personalities well enough that we KNOW with dead on accuracy that there are some things they cannot handle. Lil Man’s dad and motorcycles definitely do not mix…

Have a great weekend!

Letter to Lil Man:

Dear Kevin D. (aka “Lil Man) Thomas:

You are a child who is blessed with a mother and father that love you.  When I held you in my arms the day you were born, it brought back memories of when I held your father in my arms.  Like your father before you, I knew you were a fighter with a strong spirit.  Even now, almost 7 months later, I can see the love in your eyes just as I saw it in his.  When you reach for your mother, in your eyes, you are reaching for your guardian angel.

I may not show my emotions much, but they are there.  I would lay down my life for you, your mother, your brother and sisters, your father and/or your uncles on any day of the week. That is how much I love you all.  One day you will know what I mean by that but for now I log that here.  Maybe one day, when you are old enough to read it, then you will understand that our blood runs deeper than the muddy waters of the Mississippi River and our ancestry is important–all sides of it so embrace it and learn about it.

While I am here, I will show you what I can, but the rest will be up to you one day.  May you walk in beauty.  May the road rise up to meet you and the wind be at your back as well.  Above all,  These are blessings from  2 parts of your ancestry–the Irish and the Native American. You must also learn of all of your ancestors for there are valuable things you can carry through life with you.  I do know that  a wise person will always find his or her way (from a Tanzanian proverb) and that is my hope for you–to find a way–YOUR way in life.  

Know who you are and where you come from. That is something nobody can ever take away from you. Above all, when you are older, live your life and go for your dreams. That is my hope for you.

With Love,

Nana

PS:  Sleep well, Lil Man…

 

Nana Shudders at What May Come…

Forty Five years ago I stood in a classroom in Louisiana. I looked up at the flag that was at the top of the chalkboard near the door,  put my right hand over my heart and recited the “Pledge of Allegiance” with the rest of that class.  I remember my teacher, who seemed to be in a time warp, as her hairdo was worn up in a “beehive” type of style that day.  After we said the pledge, we sang “America the Beautiful”.  I wouldn’t know the National Anthem lyrics  until 3rd grade.

We said the Pledge of Allegiance every morning until I graduated on May 29, 1981 from Ranger High School, in Ranger, TX.  Fortunately, we were taught the meaning of the colors on the flag at an early age.  However, many did not know that originally, when the flag was adopted in 1777, there was not a “meaning” attached to those colors until the colors were defined for the Great Seal when the Continental Congress met.  The Secretary of the Continental Congress, Charles Thompson stated the following when reporting to congress about the seal:

“…”The colors of the pales (the vertical stripes) are those used in the flag of the United States of America; White signifies purity and innocence, Red, hardiness & valour, and Blue, the color of the Chief (the broad band above the stripes) signifies vigilance, perseverance & justice…”

Eventually, many of us were taught that this is what also applied to the colors of Old Glory.

I submit now that our nation is no longer pure and innocent, represented by the white, due the greed and corruption in Washington, D.C.  No…Not Wall St.  They are only part of the problem.  The real problem lies within the nation’s capital.  This has resulted in a violation of the trust that the American People had in a system which once worked for them to ensure their freedoms,but  is now working against them in order to deny them.

This is not about the 23 executive “actions”–which translates to “orders” which congress must approve of. President Obama failed to realize that there are three people any American citizen should be able to seek guidance or services from without fear of reprisal.  Those three would be their lawyer, their doctor and their priests/pastors.  These “actions” require medical personnel to ask patients about guns in their homes and THEN report back to the government.  Does anyone see a problem with this besides me?  Roe v. Wade is even violated here.  Roe v. Wade does NOT guarantee the right to an abortion, but the right to privacy, so yes this will affect both the left and the right.  It is time for America to get its head out of the sand and stand up for what it once believed in: Freedom. TRUE FREEDOM.

I do not own a gun and most likely never will.  This is not about the guns.  This is about control. This is about your right to decide your own destiny whether you want to buy weapons or not.  To tie these measures in with the Affordable Care Act only proves that the right-wing was correct.  As I said, this will affect even the left so they need to pay attention to what I am about to say here.  Before I go into the meaning of the  red on the flag, you need to know EXACTLY what those orders say, so here is the link–and pay particular attention to #16! :

http://www.forbes.com/sites/rickungar/2013/01/16/here-are-the-23-executive-orders-on-gun-safety-signed-today-by-the-president/

There is NO reason to try to tamper with doctor/patient confidentiality.  For one, that violates the Roe v. Wade ruling which guarantees MY right to privacy.  No pun intended here, but women should be up in arms over this already.  It doesn’t matter what side of the gun issue one is on, this can be used as a two-edged sword to slice away at rights so many women before me fought hard to acquire because it will be applied at the whim of whatever party is in charge of things. Seriously. Think about this. This will be ran according to the whim of politicians, not the people,  and a few Constitutional Amendments have to be wiped out to achieve it. THAT is my problem with it.

Universal Health care should not be used to erode the rights of every American citizen.  The Constitution should not be held hostage by it either. It is time to revamp the system, everyone. It is time for a new party with fresh ideas to be put into power because the major parties only care about taking our tax dollars and furthering their own interests. They will NOT pay off the deficit with the runaway taxation they are going to support for each other and it is you, I, our children and grandchildren that will pay for this if our country continues on this course. I am also really tired of them exempting themselves from their own legislation. If it good enough for WE THE PEOPLE, it is good enough for them. Remove the perks. Remove the taxpayer funded travel expenses and $500 steak dinners–not to mention the trips to resorts when they want to run and hide at a resort rather than do the job they were paid to show up for work to do.

Now for the meaning of “red”…Some teachers say it is for blood shed to ensure freedom, but it stood for “hardiness” and “valor” when the Great Seal was created in 1777.    I will take this definition of hardiness:  Capable of surviving unfavorable conditions .  Remember the lyrics to the Star-Spangled Banner?   “…And the rockets red glare…The bombs bursting in air gave proof though the night that our flag was still there…”

Well people of America, we are under a different type of siege today.  The question is, will we and our flag survive it or will be ripped further and further apart by self-serving politicians in Washington?  Stay tuned on that one…Same bat time! Same bat channel!

Now for the blue…Vigilance, perseverance and justice… 

I submit that it is WE THE PEOPLE who deserve justice and the government needs to stop trying to further its means by exploiting the dead as well as the Constitution of the United States.  Every time a government tries to get its people behind a sweeping and life-changing reform, what is that reform usually tied to?  Children…It is true and it isn’t the first time in History this has happened. Remember a man named Adolph Hitler?  Children are vulnerable and they shouldn’t be used as pawns by politician because that is just another way to manipulate the populace. Stop them from doing that, and they’ll have to talk about the issues, rather than tying them to “the children” stir up the “emotional vote” rather than relying on logic to solve issues without jeopardizing our rights–and I am not referring to just the “right to bear arms”.  It will begin to erode others as well.  These orders already fly in the face of Roe v. Wade, yet not one reporter has bothered to address this. Why is that?  Maybe they are pawns themselves.  However, this is now no longer a question of right-wing or left–wing, gay or straight, etc…This is a question of whether or not the people on both sides can wake up and see what is being done to them. Hopefully they will and soon. “We the people” have been used and manipulated enough by politicians on both sides of the political spectrum, I think.