We Still Have Then but All We Need is Now…

In 1982, I gave birth to my son, Eric…I had him on my 20th birthday in fact–and even though there are times when the old grouch gets pissed off, he’s still the best birthday present I ever had.   I didn’t give a damn about the politics of the day. I didn’t give a damn what people thought of me too much then–and still don’t…Gee…I wonder where 2 of my kids get that from? I’m smiling sheepishly as I remember those days…I liked bowling, dancing, walking about and above all–writing and listening to music.

While 1982 was a banner year, it was also a year of loss. Hell, we lost Marvin Gaye. Now with all the crap going on, “What’s Going On?” really comes to mind here…Forget the “Sexual Healing” bit…He got a lot of accolades for that one but I still say “What’s Going On?” is one of his best.

I can say a lot about 1982 right now…first it was a “Thriller”…. 1982, I was so “Caught Up in You”.  I loved it loud then, and “I Love It Loud” now.  I wonder if “Jack and Diane” ever got into saying “If You Want My Love” to each other?  If they did, maybe it was in the “Heat of the Moment”.

I do know if they had tried to pass the Patriot Act in 1982 there would have been a loud “I Can’t Go For That” being screamed in D.C.  Has anyone ever figured out what the “Young Turks” needed to be free from yet? Just wondering.  However as far as men and women go, I haven’t heard anyone trying to use “I’ve Been Waiting for a Girl Like You” as a  pick up line in a bar yet…

We have learned that it is best to take the advice Rick Springfield gave us…”Don’t Talk to Strangers” because serial killers do not make it “Hurt So Good” now do they?  Funny how when we were young we didn’t seem to worry about too much of that stuff, or did we?  Well I know I didn’t.  I do know that my exes were never “Always on My Mind” when I got enough balls to say “Goodbye to You”.

Well whatever went on in “Allentown”–it wasn’t “Sexual Healing”…Hedonism was the furthest thing from the imagination in that part of the country as well, I think.  However, there was some “Tainted Love” going on until someone decided to “Shake It Up” a bit when they found out their sweetheart was the “Centerfold”–that is, until someone younger came along and the agent said “Abracadabra” and that model got replaced by a younger one a few years later…

Some also said “I Ran Away” because it was “Hard for Me to Say I’m Sorry”.  I can fully prove that was a lie. I just opted for the “Thriller” of a time when someone asked “Don’t You Want Me”? I said no and then turned back to my ultimate love at the time…I mean, most who know me will be the first to tell you that “I Love Rock N Roll”–which left “Rosanna” slightly perplexed as in counseling, she thought I wanted to be a writer and not a rock star.

In music, there was always harmony between “Ebony and Ivory”–until the hair bands told everyone else to “Beat It”. So what did the rest of us young fools do? We went to “Rock the Casbah” while possessing the “Eye of the Tiger”!  We got so “Physical” in that fight that we left “Billie Jean” perplexed and lying in the dust!

And after that fight, we were “Hungry Like the Wolf”….

Well that was a long time ago. And now that I’ve compiled this morbidly insane  list from ONE video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAGYIvg1FHk  in order to complete this writing exercise, with the exception of “Hungry Like the Wolf”– which is included because, quite simply, I know it came out in 1982, I hope you enjoyed this ridiculous trip down memory lane since I was under immense “Pressure” to hurry up and get it done prior to going to bed…By the way, “Pressure” by Billy Joel is not in the video either which surprises me because it was a damned good song!   I should know…I didn’t forget my birthday that year or the fact I gave birth to Eric then!

However, in the present “All You Need is Now”  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X3O4PCP5MM     In fact, that is all I need too.  Have a great night!

A Day in a Western Dreamland…

I had a very weird dream the other day. I dreamed I was in a saloon in during the 1800’s. All was unusually quiet, save for one man who sounded a hell of a lot like Sam Elliot, who was telling a story…

“…Then the ol’ coot was sittin’ on the porch yellin’ at his woman to hurry up on gettin’ grub ready. She told him every time it was going to take a while because she was waitin’ for their boy to get back from the store with some salt pork.

I suppose he finally gave up n’ fell into a deep sleep. For two years he yelled and fussed over the drought goin’ on n he dreamed during this particular nap that clouds were a-gatherin’ about how it was sprinklin’ n he was jumpin all up n down “, hootin’ and a-hollerin’ (and the narrator demonstrated again) and slappin’ his hat when all of a sudden, he figured out the dust was still a-blowin’ n it was hotter than heck!

He took his hat and looked closely like this at it (demonstrates again), then he threw it down n stomped around like a crazy man!

“Why in the hell did he do that?” another man who sounded a lot like Anthony Zerbe asked.

“Well it was most likely because the bird in the nest above him on the porch pissed on his hat while he was sleepin’.”

They laughed as I woke up.

Enter the Key Man…

The woman frantically flings things around on her dresser and paces back and forth from room to room…”Where are the damned keys?!” she hisses as she continues along her reckless path during what seems to be this never-ending”Columbus” mission.  She pulled open every drawer, tossing and throwing bras, panties and even her pajamas on the bed convinced that Brutus her pet ferret, probably stashed them somewhere.

“I swear every friggin’ time Brutus is let out something disappears.” she groans as she flops back onto the bed, tossing her head sideways to get her lengthy black bangs out of her eyes.

The rain begins to pound on the windows as she looks at the blackened sky. “It’s a damned good thing I’m off today.” she mused.

She then heard a faint jingle.  She moved slowly as it repeated.  The jingle began to get a bit louder when she heard the back door open and shut.

“Hey babe!,” her hubby said, “I had to borrow your car this morning because mine is in the shop.”

“Really?” she asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

“Yeah,” he began as he saw her expression, “It’s Tuesday and I knew you would be off. I told you about this on Saturday. Remember? You were sleeping late so I didn’t want to bug you.” he said as he handed the keys back to her.

“Oh…Whatever. I thought Brutus stashed ’em again.” she said.

“No but he did stash this. I found it in his favorite corner.” he grinned as he handed her a bracelet.

“That little bas-”

“Now now…Calm down.  You know he likes to stash stuff. It’s almost noon. Let’s go to lunch. You’ll feel better.”

“Okay. Let me go clean my mess.” she said.

“Threw all your stuff around again, didn’t you?” he grinned.

“Yeah. I’ll be ready in a few.”  she said as she began the drudgery of cleaning up the bedroom–for the 5th time in three days!”

Just out of sheer curiosity, how many of you have days similar to that?

Just to Make Things Clear…

As writers we cannot wear our hearts on our  sleeves even though we must write from them.  That is one thing that is great about “free-thinking” We address what we need to and do it in such a way that no matter how we put it,  we are gonna get flamed…Has anyone prepared their swimming pool for me yet? You know, those “special instructions” involve putting a thin layer of flammable liquid over the surface?

Here is what I am ranting about…Why is it that the media seems to think it is entitled to tell us how we should think for feel about an issue? That is not reporting–and it isn’t worthy of being called journalism.  I remember when the news used to be THE NEWS and not a lot of  reporters sharing their  opinion. They start with about 20 seconds of story–the rest is an editorial. This really gets old. I hate it when people editorialize instead of wanting me to reach my conclusion.

I remember some years back some were saying, “You should not wear white after Labor Day.” I don’t know what sparked it or what the point of that would be but IF I refused to wear white to either of my weddings, why in the blue blazing hell would I wear white after Labor Day or on any other day for that matter?  Look, I don’t care what other people do, but don’t tell me what to wear on any day of the week, even if I do detest wearing white.

I really figure as long as I don’t run the streets stark naked, no one will be traumatized or drop dead from a heart attack. Goodnight!

 

We Spend Our Lives Doing TWO things: Becoming and Dying…

I know this sounds bleak in a title, but it really isn’t. It isn’t fatalistic either.  Is it just possible that we spend so much time trying to work on others that we forget where our focus really SHOULD be? I think so. That is why I opt for brutal honesty. I know I can’t change a damned thing about the past or the future because those are two things I cannot control, but I can control how I react when put in a certain spot.

I nearly got killed tonight. No kidding. Some bonehead decided to slam his brake when NOTHING was in front of his vehicle. My son was driving and we were going the speed limit (75 mph). He swerved to the right and fish-tailed.  “Ease up on the brake and stay calm.” Shit! I don’t know how that came out of my mouth, but it did. He swerved again to the right and fish-tailed again, then over corrected. This resulted in being spun around across the freeway and landing in the median. He tried to start the car and it wouldn’t start. “Brian, put it in park.” Once he did, it ran fine. No damage to the vehicle and more importantly none to us or my dog!

I don’t know HOW I managed to stay calm during that crap, but I was shook up when it was over. I said, “Let’s get the hell out of this ditch and go home!” and we did.  It was a miracle that he didn’t hit another vehicle, and more importantly, that we are alive.  He was laughing a few minutes later, and made a comment about reliving “Too Fast and Too Furious”…

I looked at him and said, “Brian, that is not funny to me.”  I think he was just grateful that we were alive and that is how he handled being shook up.

Either way it could have turned out very differently.  Brian and I are working hard on improving from within, and then this happens. It just goes to show that in an instant, the world can be changed for our loved ones. When we got to Kevin’s house (my other son), I gave him his birthday presents and hugged my daughter-in-law and my son. I held onto my grandson for a bit as well.  Let’s just say it gave me a new perspective on things this time of year, but  in the end, are we not all born to die?

Better yet, didn’t Beckett describe it best?, “…We are all born astride a grave…”?

I’d rather die working on the person I’m trying to become, than to regret the person who is now dead that is my past being,  OR  meet my future being who might be a bit more cranky than this particular incarnation of me in the present…

And how was your weekend?

 

Ladies (and Guys), If You Want to Rid Yourself of a Would-Be Suitor… *Snickers Profusely Here*

Alright this was inspired by a friend I went to school with…I’m not giving her name or anything but I have been in this situation myself so I’ve decided to share some things to get rid of that persistent “would be suitor” who wants to take you out but you have NO interest in him or her.   These can easily be adapted for men’s use against persistent females, but just change a few names up…

For example when a guy says to you in a theater where there are plenty of seats available but he comes up to you and asks, “Is this seat taken?”  You already KNOW what time it is–especially if he tries to introduce himself and shake your hand.  All you have to do is grow a pair and say, “No and this one is about to be available as well.”

If he’s one of the overly persistent pain-in-the-ass types, just say, “No and this one won’t be either when you sit down.” OUCH!

Guys, just act like your cell phone is ringing and your wife is calling–or better yet–pretend you have a boyfriend.  Cools the persistent stalker girls like the church lady in Six Feet Under really quick. If you’ve never seen it, you need to get someone to show you the church scene where Michael has to tell her to get lost!  Why? I can’t find the damned clip of it but if someone else wants to share it, feel free!

Now for the next scenario. A guy comes up to you, introduces himself and starts really pushing himself to get a dinner date with you, making you feel really uncomfortable.

For the women you only have to say one thing, “Sure but I think you should know that I am Betty Broderick‘s half-sister or I’m Aileen Wournos’s lost daughter.”  That should make you a real hit if they bother you at work too!

If he says “Who?”, just say, “You might want to Google that.”

Men, just say, “I’m Charlie Manson‘s (or Ted Bundy‘s–insert your favorite serial killer’s name here) bastard son.  Are you sure you wanna hang around me?”  Make sure you get that “Michael C. Hall from “Dexter” look about you too when you say that–IF the lady keeps stalking…

*Now I am going to go have my cup of Mexican Hot Chocolate and laugh profusely at the absurdity of life!* LOL

After all if life is a joke, are we not waiting on the punchline?

Oh and if you’re wondering about that “Dexter Look”–here…This is probably his funniest kill scene too. Watch this clip (and it has adult language in it so don’t let the kiddies see you watch it! ) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8taUxqSRsDg

Funny how I’m giving advice on how to get rid of a prospective date in less than 10 minutes…

How to Manage Complaints–Literally…

After many complaints on various subjects, I have found that categorizing the complaint levels is a tremendous help: Cat 1: These have top priority so sharpen your wit and deal with them bluntly and honestly. Cat 2: General whining and such: Always answer with one word: “And?” especially if they are in your circle and you can do NOTHING about what they are complaining about. Cat 3: The ones that do not make sense. Answer with “Can you rephrase that please?” and MAYBE they will form a coherent thought that one can deal with and cause their complaint to make it from this “junk box” level to a Cat 2.

I have also found that most of the ones in the Cat 3 box tend to come at me when I am at various parties, or at the club.  And the people levying them as if trying to aim a gun without a sight on it, are too drunk to pull my trigger.  They tend to sound like the late Foster Brooks–only with speech less intelligible.

For those of you who do not know or remember who Foster Brooks is, here is a reminder!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yACWE3CzmYQ

Now if this were a post being made on a professional level, believe me, I would rephrase this entire post, but being that I am not making a work related video–except for those of you who work at the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, I shall refrain from all logic because at your place of employment, there is NO SUCH THING!  Have a great week, everyone!

In the meantime, here is some interesting reading fodder for those who seriously would like to check out the issues below…

Related articles

• Complaint Management – The Heart of CRM (mountainviewranchstore.com)
• A Quicker Complaint Fixer: How to Speed Up The Resolution Process (mint.com)
• The 6 most common complaints about credit repair companies (and what to do about them) (bestcreditrepaircompanys.com)
• Complaints to state’s ombudsman climbing (journalstar.com)

 

Anemia is a very serious thing…

The other day I had to go to the ER.  The staff was great. As usual, my dry wit kept them in stitches, until shit got serious.  I was walking around because sitting still is next to impossible for me and the doctor looked at me and said, “I don’t know how you’re walking right now.”   I said, “What to you mean?”  Then he said, “You need to go into the room. Your hemoglobin is at 5.  That’s not good.”

After asking him if I now qualify as an honorary cast member of the Walking Dead, I went back to the room and waited a bit.  I thought I’d get a shot and go home but I soon found out my condition is more complicated.

My body doesn’t absorb B12 from what I eat, so my body didn’t make enough healthy red blood cells. I got on the phone and found out from my mom that I was diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia as a kid. Well, I don’t remember much about my childhood but this stuff can get lethal–seriously.  Not getting enough B12 can lead to organ failure.  My condition was worsening and something had to be done.  The next thing I know, I got 2 pints of blood put into me.  I was also told that my iron was way too low even though I take iron so I have to up that dosage. My body doesn’t absorb that very well from food either.

On top of all of this, as it turned out, my excessive visit from Aunt Flo (as a dear friend calls it) was actually hemorrhaging.  However, I was right about ONE thing in all of this…I am NOT going through menopause yet.  For that, I did get a shot and it’s finally coming to a trickle and I was told it will stop it. Thank god…

Anyway, this weekend was an adventure I’d rather not relive so I am going to be very proactive from here on in. I really thought my fatigue was in my head and the cravings for ice were from the intense West TX heat…I learned the cravings for ice is a condition called “Pica” which is one of the symptoms of the anemia when it is getting very bad. My co-workers had also noticed my energy level was down and I was (in their words) “chalk-white” for some time. They had told me to slow down for a month now.

The moral of the story is, “Don’t assume anything is in your imagination. Most likely, it’s not. Take care of your body because you only have one life and to not take care of these things early is a wee bit on the insane side.”

Related articles

• Anemia (meditag.wordpress.com)
• Iron Supplements: What You Need to Know (health.usnews.com)

 

Texspearean Experience–“Merchant of Venice”….Nana’s version…Well, a Snippet Anyway! ;-)

I am working on a contemporary version of the Merchant of Venice–by William Shakespeare. However, this version is going to be written in the Texspearean language for those who have trouble with reading the great bard’s work.  It is my hope that he has a sense of humor because if he doesn’t, and reincarnation is real (which I don’t think it is-sorry), then with my luck he’d come back as the person who stomps me into the ground–because, I’d return as a  friggin’ cockroach!

Seriously this thing is playing out in my mind…That can be very dangerous.  Be afraid…Be VERY afraid.  What you are about to read is not something you will find in the world which you now know, but you will find it only in, “The Tina Zone” when she’s sleepy…This is part of my journal, folks. DISCLAIMER: I do not take XANAX or PROZAC!

The woman dozed off for a bit…She was exhausted from her long workday, but was thinking heavily about “The Merchant of Venice” before turning off the light and closing her eyes for the night…For some strange reason she saw a contemporary scene played out at the end of this short little dream where someone uttered the line, “No s***, Shylock!”, at which point she woke up for a bit, but as she dozed off, this scenario crossed her mind:

“…NERISSA How like you the young German, the Duke of Saxony‘s nephew?

PORTIA Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and
most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk: when
he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and
when he is worst, he is little better than a beast:
and the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall
make shift to go without him….”

In contemporary language in today’s world, she knows how Portia’s answering line would open in such a version…It would start with two words: “…Bitch, please!” and then go on to “…I can’t stand the dude!…” among other things.  Then she would explain the reasons for hoping she could just be left to her own devices or run off to join the French Foreign Legion…”  

Then again, that is the world of Tina when she’s tired and dozing off.  Have a great week! I know I will! I at least hope it makes someone laugh. I love reading Shakespeare, but when it comes to talking about it, my wires ALWAYS end up crossed and I end up creating this stuff one beast at a time!  I do love comedy, so that’s probably part of  it.

 

Nana: The Baby Boomers are the “Forgotten Audience” It Seems…

Well–not to sound cliché but “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”  I am really tired of networks cancelling good shows like “Harry’s Law“, “Memphis Beat” and “Cold Case” because of Nielsen ratings.  These ratings are no longer truly representative of what viewers want because they do not adequately get put across to households representing all age groups.

Even Warner Bros. has stated that “…baby boomers tend to not go to theaters, so that is why certain movies get marketed…” HELLO!  Dear Warner Bros: We pay the friggin’ bills half the time! Stop ignoring us all! If WE are at home in rocking chairs, it should be us you’re surveying and not those teens and ‘tweens you keep pandering movies to that aren’t fit for my dog to piss on the fire hydrant in front of the theater over. You know exactly to what I am referring.  Yes, I am mad. Yes, I’m still hormonal. Deal with it.  To you we are the forgotten audience, but like that nagging ringing you get in your ears, we are NOT going away. We don’t have one foot on the grave and another on the banana peel yet.

Think they got that, folks? Even if they see it, it will not matter much…

One of the best movies that could appeal to my age group is “The Life of Pi” and the other is “Lincoln”…There’s 12 months in a year and that is all Hollywood has to offer us?  Well, there is “Armour”, which I think is probably one of the best films of last year, so it deserved its Oscar nod as well! And it’s a French film! Not all baby boomers get into “The Avengers”–but there are those who still do.  Just for the hell of it, I will watch “Cowboys and Aliens” on dvd though.  Granted there are a few family films put out, but the best ones get put out by Pixar (“Brave”) and NOT WB.   The Expendables II is also good. Like the idea of all those actors grouping up for another hurrah!

That brings me to another topic…Why don’t you boneheads keep the older actors and actresses we love and respect working?  I’ll watch a movie that has Muse Watson, Ben Cross, Kathy Bates, Helen Mirren or Judi Dench any day of the week before I’ll watch that freaking “Twilight” you keep trying to get me to buy tickets for–which I won’t.  I’ll watch Hammer Films. At least they KNOW how to make a good horror/suspense flick!  Did any of you young whipper snappers see “The Woman in Black” yet? I suggest you watch it and learn a thing or two after subjecting this lifelong Dark Shadows fan to that abysmal movie that was made in 2012.   Hammer Studios knows how to get the job done right. That has been proven.

Bruce Willis also knows how to get the job done right.  “Red” proved that.  Watch this clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFLX7Pk1Tn4

Just to note: IF Willis makes a part II for this I hope Mr. Cross gets offered a hell of a comedic role!

If you’re not going to keep us happy using the major networks, I hope some enterprising investors come up with a network JUST FOR older audience members that will keep these actors working and put food on the table!   It makes perfect sense to me!   A little innuendo and such doesn’t bother my age group either.  However constantly being bombarded with the “visioning” and “re-visioning” these screenwriters come up with really pissed off my age group in the past few years.  It has gotten to where I prefer live theater to television anymore because the networks keep putting too much trash on them.  The only good shows worth watching are the CSI’s, NCIS’s, Law and Order spin-offs, etc…I could care less about “Reality TV”. I can watch reality for free every day so I don’t want to see it on the television…

I’d rather see a good variety show than Glee any day of the week.  I think one of the best movies that is going to come out in 2013 is going to be “A Common Man” with Sir Ben Kingsley and Ben Cross starring in it.  I’d pay $30 a ticket for that one!  I’d also pay for a ticket to hear Ben Cross sing, but that’s off the subject a bit…However, that man has some pipes on him, folks!  I never knew he could sing until I saw this a few years back:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khSVOJF4S3c

I think another good movie coming out is “Monumental” which stars Gary Cairns II, who also stars in “Black Butterflies” with Brad Dourif. “Black Butterflies” is also coming out this year too.  Yes, Gary is younger but he knows how to act and he takes good scripts so I’d pay as much to see him also–and he is a down to Earth, cool guy. I can personally attest to that fact.

“Posey” is another film that everyone who has had Alzheimer’s touch their family or has elderly family members they love dearly should watch this year.  Sally Kirkland is a wonderful actress and she recently snagged the Best Actress Award at the Idyllwild CinemaFest for her role.  Billy DaMota is a man with an excellent heart to put such a film together and I fully support it.  Also having Christopher Pennock in the cast peeks my interest as well!  I’d love to see him get more work this year too! Here is the trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWMTBV7sIl0

Alright now…Her majesty “Nana” has spoken.  Have a great week!