Lie About Who You Are and Where You Came From, Then You’ll Lie About Anything…

I am the first to admit that I am fully aware that from time to time, those seeking to get me to punch their name at the ballot box will omit a few facts or try to hide their voting positions on issues that I care about, but I dig that info up anyhow. That comes with political territory and that’s why people need to do their homework.

However when a person lies about who they are as a person and where they came from, that is a whole new ball of wax. THAT behavior tells me they will lie about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Both parties should take offense when any candidate does this. I know for a fact many people do. Nobody likes being lied to–especially when those lies make me think this person has gone through something like what I’ve been through.  How can anyone empathize with my own situations when they’ve never been in those situations? They cannot because they have not BEEN in those situations. It is that simple.

I’m really sick about hearing that there is a “war on women” in this country.  Why? If there is, then Wendy Davis sure is not a person that I would want to be on my side in it.  By now everyone has heard about how she lied about her past–particularly the part about her divorces/marriages and being a single parent.  It makes the entire women’s movement look even worse, and it hasn’t looked good in a few years since women cannot seem to unite as a whole on any single issue in this country.  A lack of honesty is hurting the women’s movement more than anything else. As a whole, we have not been honest about what the goals should be or with ourselves. That is why to this day, and for over a hundred + years, the women’s movement remains divided. Until women as a whole can unite behind common goals–the women’s movement will never unite again for any reason, I think.

To that end, the women’s movement must include all women–not just women on the left.  It also has to include both gay and heterosexual women.  Our numbers are too small over this divide as it is.  Until they reach across the table to those on the right, hear their concerns as well and unite behind some common goals then it is pointless to try to claim that we are making any progress in society. My advice would be to leave abortion rights up to 20 weeks if you want to get more women to listen to you though. Most conservative women do not want to hear about it at all, but will work with those who will at least leave it at 20 weeks barring certain medical conditions that might make it necessary–such as hemorrhaging or something severe enough that the mother could die–like complications from eclampsia and such…Yes, people it does happen.

Being the pro-choice darling will not help Ms. Davis in this election in any way because she totally misrepresented who she really is. First off, she was not, and never has been, a single parent. Secondly, she did not “struggle” through law school, her 2nd husband paid her way and she dumped him after he had made the last payment on it. He sold his entire 401K to pay for that school as well.  NO, had she not been able to get away with that one, I am quite confident she would continue in her path of marrying men with money and disposing of them when done.

The real single parent was Mr. Davis since she did not seek or gain custody of their child. In fact he cared for BOTH children while she was off at Harvard. No mother would abandon her kids for anything, but it seems that she thinks being in politics is a higher purpose for her of some sort.

I worked two jobs and went to school at night. At times I lived with family who helped raise my 3 sons, but I would never dream of leaving them for anything. Unlike Ms. Davis, who claims to have lived in a trailer, so what?! It actually turned out to be an apartment–not a trailer as she claimed.  At one time I lived in my vehicle for a bit. No…She hasn’t walked a single mile in my shoes…Sorry.

Where one stands politically is one thing, but to think that someone could so blatantly rearrange the facts of one’s own personal existence, and base one’s  message on a pattern of nothing but lies, and still be worthy of trust from tens of millions people that she would call constituents, is beyond naïve.  This is not a person who can represent women and/or the issues they face honestly–unless she has had an abortion herself, and I somehow doubt that. She tows the party line and that is the only reason she gets any attention. Hell, I’ve never had an abortion. I miscarried enough.  At least I am honest enough to admit that I haven’t had it done, nor would I. However, as I’ve said countless times, it is not MY job to do God’s job.

People have to make their own decisions and decide their own destiny and others should mind their own business about that. I do not have to live with decisions others make for themselves, they do. It is too bad that we do not have a “mind your own business law”.  This country needs one. However, one can rest assured the government would never obey such a law.

The last good democratic governor this state had was Ann Richards. I hate to break the news to you, Ms. Davis, but you are no Ann Richards. She was honest.  You are not. That is why you would never get my vote.

School Bullying Must Stop–A Proposal…

I have to phrase this in a way everyone will get it. School bullying and cyber-stalking are out of control. These web applications that generate fake phone numbers to enable a stalker to pull this MUST be shut down or tightly regulated. If ordered by a judge, they should have to surrender any information the requester for such numbers gave to the site in order to be able to access such programs. Any students caught using this for the purpose of bullying other students should be expelled and put on house arrest for the rest of the school year and forced to do their classwork at home. They should also be ordered to go into psychiatric counseling at the parents’ expense–not the states.

Schools should be required to report to the parents of the victim(s) any incidents (even if perceived) of bullying within two hours of becoming aware of the concurrence. ANY teacher or administrator taking it upon himself/herself who decides not to report the incident to the parents OR the police if severe, should face disciplinary action up to and including termination as well as fines up to $5000 and forfeiture of their certification(s). If the bullying is severe enough to call law enforcement, the police should immediately have to place the bully in restraints and arrest him/her/them. It should also be up to the parents of the VICTIM whether or not to file charges–not the police or the school district.

It is time to protect our children and to separate them from a culture that permits silence and the continued torment of other students. Many of the crimes (yes crimes!) they throw under the label of “bullying” include physical assault, psychological torment, and/or sexual assault or molestation. Often it also includes some sort of verbal sexual harassment and/or repeated incidents.  These are all things adults can either go to jail for and/or lose their jobs for.  When children commit these acts on other children they should be strictly dealt with. There should truly be “zero tolerance” for this behavior in the schools.

This is only part of what I’m proposing to stem the tide of this garbage. How many more students are going to kill themselves before the end of the school year? I am wondering because right now there is NOTHING firm and rigid in a legal approach that has been put  in place to protect them in most states at all.  What are your thoughts? Can you think of any ways to help stop this? I do realize that my proposal is modeled somewhat after the Prison Rape Elimination Act, but since most of what I have seen occur when working for the corrections industry tends to remind me of what I saw in public school yards, that is why I came up with this.

The PREA gave parents and family members of bullied and extorted offenders an avenue to seek remedy within the laws of the land should officers neglect to report possible rapes and take measures to prevent offender suicide. Since so many bullying victims either attempt suicide or actually do it, this must be addressed specifically also.  It is for that reason I strongly support sending bullying victims to a counselor to ensure their mental well-being.  This is especially true if the student is known to be homosexual. Many do get picked on for their sexual orientation and this must also be stopped. No child deserves this treatment.  As for measures like “lunch detention”, believe me, they are a joke. Those things do not work on a bully because a lot of the time to them, being in lunch detention or ISS is a “badge of honor” just like going to medium custody is an honor for an offender in prison when they bully others. In fact, a lot of the reason these measures do not work on many bullies is that some of them come from families that have family members which are incarcerated.

It is bad enough that many cannot even bring themselves to discuss this with their own parents out of fear, but school is the last place they should fear going to. We must make these institutions safer for ALL children and this is the only proposal I can think of to actually get the job done–or at least start the process of making a change for the better.

These suicides can be prevented if teachers and administrators are specifically trained in what to watch for, so I propose that training them to notice certain signs (unkempt appearance, giving away possessions, statements that could lead one to think they might harm themselves or others in retaliation, etc…).

I Am Told Not to Judge a Movie by the Trailer…

The title is self-explanatory.  Yet a movie trailer is what is meant to lure the viewer in to see the film.   I was going to go see the new Dark Shadows movie that was made by that all familiar duo of Johnny Depp and Tim Burton, despite the fact that I didn’t care for a lot of the earlier films they did together.  Johnny Depp is a great actor. Do not get me wrong there, but I am not what is called in some fan circles as a “Die Hard Depper”.

After seeing the trailer for the new Dark Shadows movie, I got totally turned off of the idea despite the fact that I loved the original series and I loved the Revival series of the 1990’s too.  However, I cannot look at the trailer from the link below and see anything that I can remotely identify with from my childhood, or the Revival version–both of which were the vision of the late Dan Curtis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isjg9O7ifwM

Many criticized the original in recent years for the bloopers and low-budget adjustments that had to be made by cast and crew–but to an entire generation of children, these characters seemed real. I would have kicked Lara Parker in the shins and ran for my life when I was a five-year old girl.   Barnabas, played by Jonathan Frid, was bullied by her in my young mind and I wanted to see him “get well”.  I viewed him as “ill and unable to help it”…I’m sure I am not the only little child who empathized with Frid’s rendition of the character in this way.

Then the show was gone.  My parents divorced.  Over the years my life changed and such…Then I went to work for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. It was in my room at the officer’s  quarters that I got very bored one night and began playing around on hulu.com.  It was there I watched episode after episode of the “Dark Shadows Revival” series.  I was hooked by the portrayal Ben Cross gave…It was here I discovered Ben Cross the actor as well and found his Facebook page.

I was still able to empathize with his Barnabas, even though at the time he beat Willie, I felt that Barnabas was WAY out of line.  Yet, Mr. Cross tempered that character enough to show a realistic point–it would be hell for someone in that character’s predicament to temper that battle within between the beast he could turn into and the man he once was.  He was a good man–and his flaw was messing around with the WRONG woman.

Oh well…Cest Le Vie…Now we have this new one coming out and from the trailer, I can already tell that I cannot empathize with Depp’s rendition.  He looks more alien than human–as if he’s a combination of Nosferatu and Beetlejuice.  Barnabas should NEVER look like this…I can also tell by Burton’s direction that this is going to be more of a farce that will make the Barnabas I grew up on and adored to look more like a buffoon.  The scene in the trailer between him and Angelique made me think more of “War of the Roses” than Dark Shadows. Sorry.

I also cannot picture a vampire, while trying to adapt to the time period he’s in, making boob remarks and telling a 15-year-old relative that is not married about how her “child-bearing hips” aren’t in use…Barnabas was a gentleman and in past movies and the two series I mentioned, Shakespearean actors were tapped to play him. I believe Dan Curtis had very good reason for casting his production in such a way and having those characters portrayed as they were.

One more thing I will point out is that I KNOW my history here. While a lot of upper class colonists did wait until later to marry, there were some who did marry younger.  That is the only reason why the writers will get away with that remark about those “child-bearing hips”.

I only have one more thing to add here…The voice…I heard and saw more of a cleaned up version of  “Jack Sparrow” than I did any Barnabas Collins that was ever portrayed. For what it is worth though, the schlock I saw in the trailer would have been perfect for a remaking of  “The Fearless Vampire Killers“.  Here’s a clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q-sukI-ZpU

I apologize to the die-hard “DarkShadows” fans and to all the loyal Depp fans out there, but I cannot justify going to see this particular film. It is sad to me that an actor as great as Johnny Depp has chosen to portray the character a lot of us loved growing up in the fashion that this trailer makes him out to be.

One thing Hollywood critics need to get through their heads is that people are not going to pay attention to what they write for the most part–only the academy will.  The ones who will flock to see this are the ones who are die-hard Depp fans no matter what he does, and those who don’t know what all the fuss is about.  Unless one of my family members or friends buys the ticket, I’ll wait for the over-priced dvd.

Other than Frid’s performance,  this is how Barnabas should be portrayed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOL5DogfA2w

I don’t care how many people criticize the make up, Mr. Cross’s mullet and such.  He raised the bar too high for anyone to follow suit, and the trailer from the new movie only makes this viewer appreciate his rendition of the character even more.

On the other hand I heartily recommend this movie because the whole family can watch it!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOqSi-_cXeE  It has a taste of “Remember the Titans”, “Bad News Bears”, “The Mighty Ducks”–and any other good sports movie that was meant for a young and old audience alike!  This one will be one of the best of 2012 and will be in theaters on May 18th~! At least this trailer has a good feel about it!  The name of the movie is “Crooked Arrows” and is about a Native American Lacrosse team! It will be worth spending the money for the ticket on. Check out the likes on its Facebook page already!

Let It Be…Let It Be…Let It Be…Let It Be…There Will Be An Answer…Let It Be…

Unusual title isn’t it?   Very lovely and moving song the Beatles did back then…It comes to me now, bringing me a calm amidst what could become a storm in my city, county and for Texas before it is all said and done…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdopMqrftXs

It is a beautiful time to watch this flawed film, I think…It has places in it that aren’t perfect, but in this version there is a line that Sir Paul sings that states, “There will be no sorrow…” , yet for some family unknown at this time, there will be sorrow.   Like this particular video, life is not perfect, and it is not meant to be so…

This is the face of innocence...This is the face that demands justice--if it was her that was found this week...

Hailey Dunn went missing a long time ago.  Searchers tirelessly gave of their time to search for her. As time went on, things slowed down but this girl was never forgotten.  Whether it was her body found or not, we all need to keep one thing in mind. The body of that poor soul found this week is that of someone who is missing from his or her family’s dinner table.  He or she has not been at home to open Christmas presents, or to give family members a hug, and they haven’t heard that voice say “I love you” for some time.  That voice is now forever silenced.

Hopefully, for a family somewhere, the search will end…However the grief will begin, and if this body turns out to be that of Hailey Darlene Dunn, the whole state will be shattered–as well as the out of state volunteers that came to help search for her.   Once this body is buried with dignity, it is then the search for answers and for justice will begin.  Hopefully the voices of justice and compassion will rise to speak for this soul, whoever it may be.  Whoever this person is, he or she certainly did not deserve to be abandoned in such an area–alone.

Now that I have voiced my opinion, this song is once again reverberating in my mind but it is not the same tonight…”Our hearts are now in times of trouble, Mother Mary come to me, there will be an answer…Let it be…”

Goodnight everyone…Peace be to you all.

A Film About Bullying and What It Can Lead To…

To Start with here is a link to the movie trailer for “Mad World“:  http://www.imdb.com/video/wab/vi618071577/

In the beginning, one is not sure what to make of this film but it touched on several issues that need to be addressed–and most of it came through the verbiage of Will (Dylan Vigus) and Cory (Gary Cairns). While Will is the one telling the story, it is Cory that best expresses what is going on in the mind of a tortured young man in a school where, as it often occurs, faculty completely ignores the issues of bullying and doesn’t even see (or chooses not to see) the signs of a child who is abused at home.
The character of Jevon (James Lee Martinec) is symbolic of the abused child who fell through the cracks of a failed system that is supposedly designed to protect our children–and often does not. I can relate to this character, but not for what is depicted in the film. I had a step mother who loved pointing a pistol at my head and tearing me down psychologically. At other times, she tossed me into walls, cabinets or whatever struck her fancy. Any other abuse I endured was not at the hands of my parents. That is all I will say there, but as I said earlier, if someone who has lived in a situation where they are abused in both environments (home and school) it might be a bit much to watch, so one might want to keep this in mind prior to viewing it.

I grew up in a time where it was one thing to wish the bullies were dead but it was taboo to act on it…The characters in this film were not consumed by video games and such as the far right would like to think. They were consumed by a society that threw them to the gutter and didn’t care–and that is how many bullied children perceive the school environment in this day and age–especially when they are going through crap at home.

This writer merely put all the thoughts, the pain and the horrible things that run through the minds of broken souls and put it on celluloid and for that he is to be commended. Cory Cataldo did a great job of that. Now was that sex scene a bit much? Yes. You will know which one when you watch it. There was more than one scene.

Each character was a piece of a puzzle that fit into a whole. You had Cory–who was actually a very intelligent young man and articulate. You had Jevon who was a resident genius and (like myself) viewed school as a refuge–even though he didn’t quite fit in…Because he made the school “look good” they took an interest in HIM but then threw him to the wolves when he didn’t measure up to what the school’s standard of perfection was. This DOES happen a lot.

Then there is Will. His father is an all around jerk and abuses him daily. Will is also articulate, intelligent and fell through the cracks. He also brings some of the humor to the film (along with Cory). Then you have John (Matthew Thompson) which brings another dimension to the film. He is an African-American student raised by white, adoptive parents. This character suffered the effects of racism and violence in such a way that he felt he had no other options open to him. His monologue after the worst assault he endures will leave you in tears. It is riveting.

The ones playing teachers and administrators were a joke (and there are people like this in life who dismiss the bullying as ‘kids being kids’). These are the types that will sweep what the athletes and such do under a carpet but if a student sneezes in the wrong direction that is not part of that social circle, like vultures, they will all kick that student to the curb–which is what these characters did. Fortunately, my teachers and administrators were NOT like this. They cared and I knew it. Times have drastically changed because many do not seem to care about much more than their paychecks now. Sorry but that is true and this movie seems to touch on it.

This may be a low-budget indie film, but Gary Cairns and the other cast members made it believable–especially to a viewer who lived in a similar situation. I agree with the viewer that felt that the O’Reilly picture was a bit much. There are plenty of bone-headed school administrators in both major parties. Note: Not all people in the south are conservative and not all support the death penalty. This movie could have driven a huge point home to an audience had the political ideology been left completely out.

I really do not consider this to be a dark comedy as much as an art film. It is beautiful when put in that perspective because it attempts to bring new light to old issues. Cory is the greatest voice of teen angst, Jevon of the pain of having to remain silent and to conform to standards and expectations that no boy should have to endure, Will is a voice of reason in the film even though his reasoning seems flawed in some respects and then there is John. The quiet kid who marches to his own drum, until forced to toss it aside and become a different creature altogether. Then again, they all 4 became different creatures–just as any child who is repeatedly bullied and abused can.

For those reasons alone–the touching on the issues and the acting itself,  it is definitely worth watching–but if  the movie “Precious” pissed you off thoroughly, this one might too–and you’ll find out why.  It is incredibly thought-provoking–and serves to remind that bullying is an issue that MUST be addressed at all levels–home, school and in society. Warning: If “Precious” pissed you off, this one might. Trust me.

The Facebook Page that turned me around…

The weekend is coming and I know a big change is coming for me as well.  I can’t say “what” or “how” I know–but this feeling is never wrong!  I started working for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice in 2006.  I went there because I wanted to make a difference and since I have left it, I’ve been told that I have, so leaving it made me feel a  lot better about my decision to leave it.  When I became a supervisor it wasn’t long before I saw problems with the pecking order on my unit.  Therefore, I have no regrets. 

When I was younger, I hid in my room a lot.  I didn’t go out as a teenager much (if at all) and when in college, I wasn’t that much of a social creature either.  What made me that way is a long story which I won’t go into, but I avoided theaters and concerts for the most part.  I did watch old movies with my father or my mom…To me those films represented an era that I could only ever dream of being a part of.  My childhood was a rather turbulent one, which I won’t detail here–but it led to my attitude.

I was keeping company with my teachers more than my peers because, quite frankly,  kids my age drove me nuts.  I could not see the logic in some of the stuff that went on as far as my peers go.  Besides I hated cliques with a purple passion.  Therefore, I kept few friends and I trusted very few people.  I don’t get invitations to class reunions either because I became more free with my opinions. I do not think anyone is better than anyone else, but I detested how they formed cliques and treated others who weren’t “pretty” or “athletic”–and was quick to let them know it…  

I was also bullied quite a few times.  Once by a coach who made a comment about how women don’t “usually go around shooting themselves because they don’t want to mess up their looks”.  The whole class waited for my reaction since I had just come back after missing school due to my stepmother committing suicide when I was 14.  I damned near quit school then.  Had my dad been less stubborn about wanting me to finish, I would have quit rather than deal with anymore BS. They said this coach was out-of-town and such so he just wasn’t informed,  but he worked for DPS in a neighboring county–where her body was found–so I find it hard to believe to this day sometimes.  However, me being me, I dropped it and took the high road–literally.  I picked up my pen and furiously created more worlds and killed more bullies there than anyone would ever want to know about.  I also ended up in the counselor’s office for things I’d pull or write…

I goto picked on all through school and took the high road. One day a boy in the Junior class saw me writing furiously and asked me “Who are you going to kill today?”  Look at this pic below…I swear it’s how I looked only I had black eyeliner on too…I simply looked at him rather coldly and said, “I dunno…Maybe you.”  Five minutes later I was in the counselor’s office again.  He laughed because he knew I made that kid sweat bullets.  He also saw through my front and knew it was my way of telling them all to screw off.  Anyway here’s the pic:

Now picture this: JET BLACK hair, dark red lipstick, black eyeliner and eyebrows--and the Uma Thurman "I'm gonna kick your ass look" and you'll have my look from 1980 when my Dad wasn't watching...

 

And people I grew up with  wonder WHY he didn’t like for me to go around ANYWHERE when payday hit!  In 1981, he wouldn’t even let me go see “Chariots of Fire” so like a bonehead, I sneaked out at 8 o’clock–when he  passed out…I went to the mall of Abilene and blew my paycheck on clothes and he never noticed.  I stayed pissed for three years because he wouldn’t let me go see the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” or “The Sex Pistols” too…AC/DC was definitely out of the question…To him, they were all devil worshippers…Hmm…I was a devil myself when I got mad back then.  Read the bullying blogs about what a few girls and I had to deal with and how we stopped that problem for us…

I wasn’t a violent kid, but I knew when and how to fight back.  I stayed reclusive for years.  I went to church and went home.  I didn’t go to theaters or anything for a very long time after graduation.  I may have went once or twice in the 80’s and once in the 90’s.  I hated “Star Wars” but loved “The Wrath of Khan“.  In fact I think in the late 80’s or early 90’s I saw “Pet Cemetary” at the insistence of my ex.  I never went again after that unless nagged and for those I slept through them and pissed my sister off.  I love her but I hated theaters.  They are just too damned loud most of the time.  Now I carry cotton to put in my ears.  I can hear it in normal mode then…Here are a couple of stills from the best damned movies from the 70’s that I did go to AND liked:

You can't say crap about the 1970's without mentioning "Billy Jack"...This trilogy had a lot to do with my outlook later on...He STOOD for something good!

                                                                                    

And this one was simply FREAKING FUNNY!

 

Well as I said, I skipped Chariots of Fire in 1981–the year I graduated from High School.  I went to college and marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York City that year.  It was also when I got to go to Radio City Music Hall and see what was behind the Christmas pageant backstage–live animals and such.  I then realized that the trip was for the sponsors and not us…We were told that we had to go to some other attraction.  I said, “Screw that! I’ve been up since 3 a.m., marched that parade route in 18 degree weather twice and have been out all damned day! I’m going back to the hotel first chance I get!”  I ducked away from my group near the hotel and started to double back.  I bought a pretzel and asked a woman where I could find a place where it was nice and quiet.  She pointed to St. Patrick’s Cathedral. I promise you I stayed in that slice of Heaven for an hour.  I missed my hiding place on the roof of the garage where I could stare up at the stars and just simply wind down.  I was also very, very tired.

I went to the hotel and went to my room and crashed.  None of the chaperones or the band director realized I wasn’t there.  😀  I got back home 3 days later and was relieved to be there.  Shopping at Macy’s and such was fun, but I just wanted to go home.  My birthday was November 25 and I wasn’t home for that either.  After that–I went right back to recluse mode.  One might think I’d have enjoyed that experience being out in “the world” for once, but I still feared dealing with crowds and such–and made myself go.  I was pressured to sing in choir too and hated that.  I don’t know why, because they liked it, but not me.  I almost ran off that year to California  to join a punk rock band. 

Instead I went through 2 bad marriages, had 3 kids, got a degree, etc…I also became worse when it came to being reclusive.  I trusted no one–especially NON family members.   In 2006 I went to work at a prison…Strangely enough, I felt “safe” there.  Why I do not know.  I had a knack for calming offenders down and dealing with some BS.  But I realized after becoming a sergeant and a failed relationship that I was slipping back into my recluse mode.  I wouldn’t even go home when I was off.  I hated being around people. I still have trouble with it.  My sister and my mother can’t understand it, but my Grandmother did. I told her EVERYTHING…Now she was gone. 

Anyway I got bored to shit one night.  I was going bat shit crazy at 3 a.m.–working out and such.  I got to thinking about things I used to watch when I was a kid and started surfing the internet.  I came across hulu.com and Adam-12…I got a kick out of watching that.  Then I started playing around looking for more shows I watched when I was a kid.  I saw “Dark Shadows” on there.  I didn’t realize I’d clicked on a remake, and almost started to surf again, until I realized the first episode was a movie.   I couldn’t freaking believe it!  This show was DAMNED good!  Then I started paying attention to the cast in it…I noticed an actor named “Ben Cross”. 

I talked to an old classmate on Facebook and asked her if she ever heard of this guy–like a dumbass.  She said, “That’s the guy in “Chariots of Fire”–you know, that movie our group went to see at graduation and your dad wouldn’t let you go so you decided to be a shithead and go to Abilene without us?”  My first response was “The What of the What?” because I called her while I was half-awake.

“Oh…Yeah…I remember now.”  I told her.  I only preferred older movies until I saw this.  I felt–and still feel it was well acted and such and it reminded me of other stuff I would watch–even though I wanted to kick Angelique’s ass–and always did–even when I watched the original in kindergarten.  I viewed her as a bully. I still do.  Ben made Barnabas bad ass!  As much as I loved Jonathan Frid as a kid–I really liked how he made his version of the vampire a bit more realistic. 

From there a chain reaction began.  I later found his Facebook page.  Then I saw a link to a site on his page that said “flaurena” and started getting jewelry from there.  It didn’t click that this was his daughter at first, but she made pieces (custom pieces) for me that reminded me of where I came from.  I began looking into my family tree and my Native American heritage as a result.  Hell I think she probably knows more about what I’m thinking than I do when I get her to make pieces for me!  Here is picture of one of them:

Well I can't rotate it, but take note of the circle and the feathers...Then the colors. I wear this when I go to the mountain to meditate a lot too...

I promise you it is much prettier in life than in pictures.  Sorry I can’t rotate the thing!
 
I quit my job at the prison as I said earlier and returned to teaching in 2010, but I also buy a lot of  Ben’s work.  The brat pack really didn’t do much for me, but I know if I had gone to COF then, I would have liked it.  I have a much more positive view of the world now–and am much better for it.  I also found my purpose.  If it had not been for finding that link on hulu.com, I would still be in recluse mode–shutting out the world.  I get out more now and explore things now.  It’s as if I am enjoying a life now I couldn’t seem to get when I was younger–but I am much better for it.  I am also a lot wiser. 
 
More importantly, I picked up a pen again–but I am not using it to escape from the world and kill off the bullies, I am using it to try to make a difference as these small things have made in my life.  I am grateful that they are around, and I am grateful to my teachers because they have been in my corner all these years and I never realized it until I began talking to them.  They gave to me.  It’s time for me to give back.   And these two people were the ones that helped me get my head out of my ass after all these years and start doing something different with my life.  If you are in a rut now, I hope you find your way out too…Have a great weekend!
 
I really am grateful to have come across them…Sometimes I call them the “father-daughter tag team”…LOL 
 
 

That father-daughter tag team I get a kick out of!

 
 
My next goal is to get to Peru or Costa Rica–whichever I can get to first! 

Hailey Dunn…Another chat, an Eerie Feeling and Dueling Voices…

I guess Law Enforcement told people in the media to not talk to Billie Dunn or Shawn Adkins  until cleared of suspicion in the Hailey Dunn case.  Anyway here is a link to tonight’s chat because it left people with a bad taste in their mouths.  It left me thinking of the movie “Small Sacrifices” for some weird reason.  Chat link (recorded from earlier) is included here:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bringthemhomenow/2011/03/11/bring-them-home-now-exclusive-shawn-adkins-speaks-colonel-monaco-from-patriot-outreach?&utm_source=remail&utm_medium=listener

I would still like to know WHY she called in if she knew the nature of the program.  Shawn Adkins was supposed to be on it.  What keeps drawing those two to come back to the program given Adkins’ earlier statements?  They get grilled, and they hang up the phone every single time only to call back–and sometimes are heard muttering an expletive or two before hanging up…Are they gluttons for punishment or what?  Don’t they have a lawyer, and IF they do, why isn’t he or she telling them to keep their mouths shut?   I am willing to  bet that Diane Downs wishes that she did.

I suppose only they can answer those questions, but Mr. Peter Hyatt (who you will hear speaking) is analyzing her statements.  Maybe the fact that she keeps showing up, as does Adkins is what is making me think of the movie.  It is as if the more  the finger is pointing at them, the more Billie  puts herself out there.  If I were her, I would have already retained an attorney.

I think the focus needs to go back to finding the child and on what Clint Dunn has to say since he puts himself out there, at his own expense in search of this daughter.  He also has no problem confronting the tougher questions–the “whys” since he’s probably asking himself those same things.  To me, it doesn’t matter what happened yesterday as much as what I see now.  This man has gone through some inner changes.   He now has focus and a purpose–very much like John Walsh and Paul Klaas.  Hopefully, Hailey will be brought home safely.

There is no love greater than the love of a parent for a child–so I really hope people  are wrong about Billie Dunn, but it is getting harder and harder to keep an open mind now.  I can see why both sides feel as they do.  One voice is telling us not to pass judgment until we have all the facts and/or Hailey is home again.  Then there is that other, more ominous voice that within that loudly resonates from the shoulders of many people in this country like a horned red devil  that says, “She’s dead. Someone’s gotta pay.”  Face it–we all know it’s what most think.  However, Elizabeth Smart was brought home safely and so was Jaycee Dugard, so there is always hope. 

This particular chat with Billie Dunn was disturbing in other ways besides tone and demeanor.  Billie was accused of misleading one of the hosts, but where?  What did she say? I do not see that this was so clear.   Better yet, why was Hyatt making a big fuss about whether she ‘watched the ball drop’ on New Year’s Eve?  Yes, I can see the evasiveness of her answer:  “I was watching the news.”  So what?  They may have shown clips of it drop on New Year‘s Eve, so why couldn’t she have watched the news AND saw the pre-recording of the ball dropping while watching the news?  Without evidence, they cannot just go in and lock anyone up. Opinions do not = evidence.  One can listen to the chat from the link above and get a good sense of the division that rocks the community and the country, and that is reality–not conjecture.

Now this leads me to my last question…Who or WHAT  is making the real brownie points off of this story besides the media?  The people and community remain divided.  Armchair experts burn up keyboards all over the country telling people what they should think about this case.  God forbid you disagree with them or they want YOU to play detective to prove YOUR opinions as fact, when they are merely that–opinions (aka more conjecture).  If someone wants to do that, get them to do their own homework.  A writer doesn’t have to “prove” and opinion or theory.   Now if spewing something as fact, that is a different story. For all I know, if there ever IS a trial, there may have to be a change of venue all the way to Bulgaria because of the way the American press is butchering the facts of the case. 

What are the facts?  I can list those quickly: 

 ONE–Hailey Dunn is and has been missing since December. 

TWO–law enforcement should have went ahead with this as an abduction to be on the safe side.  4 days is too long.  It should be mandatory to treat ALL juvenile disappearances as possible foul play so that the chances are better of finding the child in question.

THREE–Porn is found on a computer that several people had access to including Adkins at HIS mother’s house.  The memory stick may have been in the Dunn household, but it could have been his and not hers.  Possession is 9/10 of the law and that is true, but proving actual ownership has to be done by tracking down credit card transactions and IP addresses and/or getting a warrant for a list of subscribers to the website.  

FOUR:  They are no closer to finding Hailey or the “why” of her disappearance than they were at the end of December because of all the rumors and conjecture flying about.  Until she is found, there can be no “how” or “why” explained in a logical way. 

Until Hailey is home–everything is conjecture and the media always scores.  The last thing we should be on is a witch-hunt.  Jaycee Dugard’s stepdad was suspected in her vanishing and he was totally innocent.  I remember a lot of people pointing at the father of Elizabeth Smart as well. People can always be wrong.  I struggle with which side to believe every time I listen to the playbacks.  I am not going to point fingers because it is not in my nature.  However, I will wait and see what transpires next.   At this point, it is all we can do is wait and watch as things unfold.  Hopefully, Hailey’s family members will not  have to wait as long as Jaycee Dugard’s family had to. 

Am I the only one having conflicting feelings on this case?   Listen to the chat and tell me what you think.  Am I seeing something that may not be there in the behaviors Dunn and Adkins show?  Better yet, why are these chats, the YouTube clips and the Nancy Grace clips triggering my thoughts of Diane Downs?  Am I missing something here?  Like everyone else, I will probably be able to answer those questions later in time.  However, I am not going to listen to either of those “inner voices” arguing too much.  To do so would serve little purpose until more facts are in. 

$15,500 Reward offered

 

 

A Tale of Sean and Shawn (RE: Hailey Dunn)

I am not one to rush to judgment.  I am not one to lean toward the ultra-right or the ultra-left.  I am currently listening to the chat archive on the link below which you can also listen to at your convenience…Shawn Adkins does speak on it for about 47 minutes and then hangs up.  I’ll explain why later.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bringthemhomenow/2011/03/04/bring-them-home-now-exclusive-shawn-adkins-speaks-out?sms_ss=facebook

As stated earlier, this is the chat archive that Shawn Adkins spoke on tonight.  I didn’t get to hear him because he had already hung up prior to my getting into the chat, but I did come across another young man who is the symbol of the divisive nature that has come to Texas since the day of Hailey Dunn’s disappearance.   I won’t put his last name in here, but his name is also Sean.  He is a 17-year-old young man who grew up around the suspect, Shawn Adkins.

You won’t hear him in chat, but he did the type in the visual chat.  During that time, I saw that people were being hard on him so I began to probe a bit.  As I probed, I realized that this young man is a 17-year-old high school student who felt that  it his “duty”  or obligation to defend Mr. Adkins.  This has truly and deeply affected this young man.  As he was relaying what he knew of the suspect in the disappearance, as far as the time they spent together, a few people started to ask him questions as if he had inside knowledge of the case. 

The atmosphere in that chatroom was very hostile at times–especially toward this young man.  It finally lightened up a bit when he revealed that he is only 17-years-old.  He is a very articulate and intelligent lad, I might add.  This is his perception of Mr. Adkins: 

1.  The man is like a brother to him and has known him since the 3rd grade. 

2.  To him, Mr. Adkins is totally innocent.

3.  This young man had no clue that Mr. Adkins would have anything like kiddie porn or bestiality on his computer because, in fact,   he did NOT spend much time with Mr. Adkins at the Dunn residence.  ***Note:  He never met Hailey Dunn either, but did attend classes with her brother.***

There is also an allegation that he Mr. Adkins an affair. It turned out that he only knew this woman for three days.  The woman (Andrea) had put messages on FB that they were going to get married and such.  What I would like to know is that if this happened close to the disappearance, why isn’t law enforcement  looking at this woman?  From what has been said, she did stalk the guy.  I’m not saying that he is not guilty, so don’t take it the wrong way–I am saying they need to drop HER as a possible suspect.  Rejection is a powerful motive for kidnapping and murder IF that is what went down here. 

I realize that the above is a theory, but so is anything else that has been put forth so far. I listened to the taped conversation with Mr. Adkins after the chat ended.  He stated that several people could have had access to the computer in question, and he could be right on that issue.  If the memory stick was left unattended at any time,  then anyone could have put the images on it.  I know it sounds as if I am playing devil’s advocate, so please bear with me.

Note:  The computer was not found at Billie Dunn’s residence, but the memory stick was.  This is important–especially to any prosecutor.

Judging by the demeanor of Mr. Adkins, he does come across as being straight forward–and I didn’t have visual so I couldn’t tell you about his facial expressions or body language.  I can see the quality in his voice that puts people at ease.  It is this type of demeanor that enables him to bond with others.  And for me, it would instantly make me feel as if he’s hiding something given my own insane upbringing, so I had to keep an open mind.

Now back to the other Sean.  As I said earlier, he was a straight forward kid trying to defend another friend like any other  teenager.   He said that Adkins was like a big brother to him.  The minute it came out that he is only 17-years-old, and given his family situation, it became obvious that this young man looked up to Mr. Adkins with respect and admiration–a vulnerable place for a teenager to be when someone close to them falls.  Just ask the families and friends of Ted Bundy and Dennis Rader.  I feel sympathy for the families and friends of all concerned in this case. IF it turns out Adkins does end up being accused of it, the souls of many will be severely wounded.

It is crimes like these that destroy all families–not just the victim’s but the families of the guilty who have done NOTHING wrong.  With that in mind,  the only thing I am hoping to point out here is that it doesn’t matter where you stand on the guilt or innocence of Billie Dunn or Shawn Adkins, but we must be careful of those–especially the youth that might get caught in the crossfire and chaos of a case like this.  It is sad that when one person thinks another is innocent that there is a tendency by SOME–NOT ALL people to spew their vitriol against those who having  a different  opinion from their own.  When they realized the boy’s age, they calmed down and there were only a few doing it, but it was sad nonetheless.

It is best on this case to agree to disagree.  Shawn Adkins did abruptly hang up and leave the program when confronted about statements he denies making about hiding a body.  Does it matter? Right now we are no closer to finding her and bringing her home–which is exactly where our focus should be.  

As far as that young man Sean, I told him that his focus at 17 should not be to take on a burden that isn’t his–let alone the world on his young shoulders.  This is a young man who should be getting ready for prom night, getting a rose for his favorite girl, getting a set of wheels (if he doesn’t have them already) and preparing to enjoy his upcoming summer.  Shawn Adkins is a big boy and can take care of himself.  Perhaps the school counselors should try talking to the students again–and instead of probing about the case, work to heal their wounded spirits at this point.  If this is how Sean feels about Adkins, I can see how horrible the students must feel about Hailey still being missing.

Sean even answered a couple of questions that reflected his maturity to those present.  I asked what he would do  if Mr. Adkins had come to him and said anything about being involved with Hailey’s disappearance.  He said, “I would convince him to do the right thing and go to the police, and help the family find her.”  For a 17-year-old,  with something like this burdening him, that is a remarkable thing to state.  Most teenagers do not think on those terms until older.  This speaks well of the parents who raised him, and of how his character will be when he is a grown man.

It is my hope that one day soon, Hailey will be brought back safely.  My thoughts and prayers are with the families and friends of all.  All are being harmed by this case.  If it turns out that someone else altogether did this, then the constant railing would have been for nothing, and several lives and relationships will have been tossed out of the window.   The only ones that will have gained anything will be those in the media, the commentators  and all the armchair experts–even if most of them were well-intended.

Correct Amount is $15,500 reward! Someone had better tell Nancy Grace!

 
Note that the reward amount is now corrected.  Thank you for providing the link with the updated story.

I am the one that got away…

For those of you who have read my blog before (Kadja2), you know that there is one person I refer to as “my favorite mistake”.  He was a co-worker in a prison and needless to say, I learned that it is imperative to never get your honey where you make your money.   When people come at you and try to lure you into their prisons that they build for themselves, there are warning signals.  When a person won’t take you to meet their family, that’s warning sign number one.   When they never seem to be there for you when you need them the most, that’s warning sign number two. 

I escaped from the prison he was planning to keep me in.  I decided to move on with my life over 18 months ago.  He’s tried to call, but I don’t return the calls and I don’t answer the text messages.  When I get to where I am going I plan to change my phone number and only give it to close friends and family, like I did before.  I can truly say that I am free of him.

I closed my eyes today (per someone else’s suggestion) and imagined that he pulled into my driveway.  I then imagined that although he tried to get my attention and such, I never heard him.  A tow truck came and got his vehicle, as he chased behind it.  There were oil stains and such  out there so as he disappeared, I threw cat litter on them and cleaned it up.  The driveway was clean and he chased his truck into infinity because I never saw him again.

I like to come home in the evening, write and read a book, drink my mexican hot chocolate and then dream of seeing other places.  I long to go to Peru or somewhere to volunteer for a few months, but I need to get some things taken care of first.  I’ve thought of Costa Rica too!  I have a life to live and I plan to enjoy it.  I am alone, but  not really  lonely.  I admit that it would be nice to have that soul that I can say is home to my own, but I don’t know if it will happen or when and I am not going to worry about it. I don’t raise the bar too high either.  I have always accepted people as they are.

I was married twice to men in the military. I have no problem with being apart if we have to be, but I do have a problem with a person who doesn’t trust me when he would be away.  When a man gets jealous when he cannot be with me, it sends up a red flag because I learned one hard lesson from my upbringing.  Southerners say this often: “The hen that cackles the loudest is the one laying the egg.”   I got  married at 19, a mom on my 20th birthday.  Three months later, soldier #1 left me for a 19-year-old in Colorado.  The link below accurately describes the situation rather well.  I know I use music links a lot, but my life connects with music–all kinds of music.  I can listen to any genre accept OPERA.  Don’t ask why but most opera music gets to me. If I watch it on TV and mute it with subtitles, I like that because then I can tell what the bloody story is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_mwbCw4utI     (Terri Clark)

The song above “She Didn’t Have Time” by Terri Clark sums up what I went through when ex #1 ran off.  

The program you are looking at above, Insanity by Shaun T., saved my sanity…Funny that Insanity IS what it is called.  I’ve got the deluxe set.  My next goal is to get Brazil Butt Lift and go back to doing 2 a days.  If you want to know more about it, friend me on Facebook and email me!  I lost 30 lbs and dropped down from a size 18 to a 14 in FORTY days!  It is tough, it is intense and you won’t regret it but if you have back and knee problems, you’ll want to do something lighter, like Chalean Extreme.  Turbo Jam is cool and so is Hip Hop Abs…It took purging my memories of my exes and making room for this to improve my self-esteem.

I also recommend finding a “sacred” place to go to.  This will be YOUR place.  This is where you go to reflect, pray, cry or whatever you do to get in touch with what some call “your higher self”.  I talk to God…Simple as that.  Meditate however you wish, but I’d rather talk with God, the Great Spirit or whatever.  I am part Comanche so I have to be among nature to really feel alive.  This cold weather gets to me.  It also reminds me of when I had to get away from the 2nd ex.  I caught him with a baby sitter.  I should have left right afterward, but DUMMY me tried forgiving.  It didn’t work.  He kept trying to get around other women.  Once the trust was gone, and I heard him tell my best friend “Oh I never really loved her.” that killed what was left of our marriage.

I  love this image below…It could be because I am part Comanche, but there is just something so peaceful about it.  I found that the Comanches typically made their raids for captive, horses and such during a full moon.  I love being out under a full moon, but it is to bask in the beauty of its light.  I have always loved being under the light of a full moon–especially when I am at a beach or by a river.  I love watching its rays dance across the waves, and the feel of a gentle Spring or Summer breeze…I feel totally loved in those moments-and at peace with all that is around me.  Some day I would love to go out on a moonlit beach in Costa Rica or something…It really doesn’t matter where in the world I am at,  as long as I can get to my sacred place…May you find yours as well, wherever you might be…

I also have jewelry made for myself by a very talented artist when I have money.  I spent a lot of time and money helping others, but neglected me. That time is now past.  It is my time.  I kicked the last cell door down on my life and am going to live it.  I am taking an ESL course as well.  It will open up more doors for me and I am ready for that. 

If you are ready to make a change in your life, the time is now.  One cannot let yesterday throw up pictures in their faces because it is gone–over with–and dead.  The future is another item we have no control over.  Why worry over that which is already done and that which we are uncertain about?  It makes no bloody sense whatsoever!  I have right here, in this moment, peace.  I will live as I will.  If anyone has a problem with that, all I have to say is, “Have a nice day”!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCg2BoKiuOM      (Bon Jovi)

Nothing like a Bon Jovi number to get off to a great Saturday Night! I am glad I got away from those emotional prisons, because living a lie is the worst type of vacuüm one can ever let themselves get sucked into!