Farewell My Warrior

I stood up here again today.  I waited quietly for the sign or a word from you.  I felt so alone–isolated and unloved without you here.  I kept dwelling on why you were taken from me, weeping softly as the willow trees harmonized along with the wind.   It was then I felt the embrace of the South Wind.  The warmth of it made me aware of a presence I hadn’t noticed before.   I felt as if I were being embraced when I was asking why you were gone.  I looked to my right and saw a number of blue jays in a nearby try.  They didn’t move even if I moved closer, but kept watching me…

It was then I remembered something else–a story an old man in the village had told me about how the cardinals and blue jays watch over us at times.  I could almost hear you telling me that it was alright.  I could almost feel you wrap your arms around me in that wind.  Then the clouds started to blow in and a mist began to fall…I then heard the cry of the Eagle.  I knew the time to mourn would pass and that the Eagle would guide me to the point to where I could find you.

I began to walk further into the forest on that mountain and the rain began to fall.  I found a cave and went inside.  The storm grew worse, but I knew the Eagle guided me here for a reason. As the thunder roared and the rain quenched the thirst of the forest, I felt a slumber come over me.  I laid down on my jacket and closed my eyes.  I then walked through a field toward a magnificent lake.  The mountains there were much taller than here and had more green trees and beautiful flowers. It was there I saw the white stallion.  You once promised me that when I saw a white stallion, it would mean that I would go to another land, far away from the land of my tears.

I had little idea that when I arrived back home, a plane ticket to a place called Montana was waiting for me.  I guess that it is there that I will discover a new world–and a new life.  I did not know that I would be needed elsewhere, but you did.  You told me this long before I lost you.  I will go forth now and will shed no more tears.  This was meant to be.  What awaits me there, I am not sure, but I know that when you told me that I would leave here, I never thought that I would have to live this vision alone.  Until we meet again.  Farewell, my warrior.

The water behind the mountain ahead...

 

 

OMG IT is HORRIBLE–Or Is It?

American Bandstand is gone but the memories remain! I remember when Tommy Chong trashed the set, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were on and a lot of other things spanning the 1960’s – 1980’s and a few years beyond.  However some great acts and music came out of it.  This is one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=Yf_Lwe6p-Cg

No this isn’t the link to the episode, but this is one of the best bloody songs to come out of the 80’s.  I am redoing it–but making it fit ME since I’m female.  I lived it. I had an ex who didn’t like to keep a job–kids or no kids. I had to drop out of school to support him and the kids.  After a while, it was over.

Since that point, I’ve taken care of me and my boys and had a wonderful family who have always helped and been there for me though this whole process.  My sons have grown into 3 young men that I love very much and they understand my viewpoints.  I’ve said before that I’d love to cover “None of the Above” by Duran Duran and “Falling Angel” by Duran Duran.  These were both songs that should have been singles  in my book. This band should have already been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame…Good god! They’ve had a major hit in every decade they’ve been on the map!  The only other artist to accomplish THAT feat is Cher! Some of the nominees going in THIS YEAR cannot even boast that!  Having a major hit in each decade is the mark of a long and great career–even with the pitfalls artists go through!  They also came up with the storyline music video prior to the release of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. Their singles this year “All You Need is Now” and “Girl Panic!” are very good!  There is not so humble opinion on that subject…

I do write songs as well, but my writing tends to be akin to the angst ridden 90’s style and I was writing that type of music when I was 15 years old–hence my trips to the principal’s office.  That is just how it is…Writing was my world then.  I have since learned to enjoy other things and take up other projects, but writing was, and always will be my first love.

From the times I wax utterly romantic (God I hope not this week!)  to the times I come across like a  b***h  spewing my utterly therapeutic vitriol, it has been a release for me on many levels.  I have used it to kill off characters I created in the images of bullies I dealt with that thought they were God, to create worlds that I wouldn’t mind living in, to reminiscing about time periods I would rather have been born in for the simple fact that I always felt  that I was born either 10 years too late or 10 years too early.  Take your pick.   Like music–and I don’t have a “heartbreak song” or anything like that, but picking up a pen and writing can transport me to a time where I am actually reminiscing about all things good and bad.

Anyone that says keeping a journal is a waste of time, I will say this: Hogwash!  Keeping that journal has given me something to reference when I need direction from time to time because there are times that I am reading back copies of it that I can almost hear the voices of my grandparents, my father, a few wise writers,  or get the gist of what people have gotten across to me in their own blogs after cross referencing to see what led to my writing.  Two Facebook pages got me to turn my life around and many of you know which ones those are.  I had to do some digging through blog posts and found gems of wisdom that I wish someone were there to share with me when I was a child.  I might have had a different perspective about some things and NOT gone into recluse mode years ago.

Now I want to share another blog with you that makes my day.  I love her humor and I love how she can make me laugh even when I feel like total crap!   She and her friend Holmes  post regularly.  Even if one doesn’t agree 100% politically, I can always find something to totally make me smile in there!  I honestly thought they were married to each other the whole bloody time! Sorry Piper!  Here is the link:

http://piperbayard.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/bayard-holmes-post-apocalyptic-management-services/

I love their wit and how they point out historical information that can be found on the stacks at any college library but are yet being pulled out of the textbooks.  Even the original copies of documentation can be found in those libraries and I know because I am such a nerd that I go and look!  I am proud to say that I’ve never found a misquote on this blog!   I am going to be posting on how what went on just prior to the Texas Revolution is taking place in this country right now and that is where the U.S. Government has made a huge mistake with its citizens–and many do agree with the assessment I reached.  However, that is for another blog post.  The similarities are alarming.

However, check out Piper’s post on The Zombie Apocalypse and such too. Those are funny…Like I said, while some may not agree with one another politically, there is no harm in being humorous and these two are definitely that!  Piper, thank you for the laughs and I do support you and Kristen Lamb in your presidential bid! 😉  ***You guys really need to see those posts! Trust me!***  Here is also a link to Kristin Lamb’s blog and she is a total riot too!

http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/an-attitude-of-gratitude/

This post also got me to look at things a bit differently.  One thing always leads to another.  Thank you Lauren @ www.fizzgiggery.com for starting me on this journey. It’s been an interesting few years, that’s for sure!  Now that we’re in a new year, may all of you have a great one! Now back to my  “vacation”!

Rainbow Dream…

It eludes me, yet I pursue it.  I pursue it for the same reason the 3 wise men followed the Star of Bethlehem–according to what I was taught.  The rainbow I am pursuing has riches, but not gold.  It has many colors, but not all are visible.  All I know is I see it each time I close my weary eyes and know that it is getting closer to me.  I saw you in that rainbow yesterday.  You motioned for me to keep coming toward you, but  I wasn’t fast enough to reach you.

Yet I feel you as though you are bringing it to me.  Who are you that you keep telling me that my destiny lies with you and to keep trying?You keep telling me to have faith in myself and believe that I have received, but yet where is it?  What do you mean I already have this?  I do not understand and you still bid me to follow.  All I know is this:  You’re too congenial and peaceful to be perceived as a leprechaun.  You aren’t a wizard or a spirit trying to haunt me…So what are you?

When you are near, I feel peace.  I feel loved–but when I wake up, the real world is there for me with its cruel devices.  I protect my loved ones from this as much as possible.  And what is with the paint you are leading?  He’s a beautiful horse yet you never ride him. I don’t understand…He has a gentle disposition.   Both of you are wrapped in the colors of that rainbow–and when I reach for you both, you are too quick for me.  Please explain to me what this is to me?

I ask this again and you give me three words: “You are loved.”   Then it seems to be alright.  I think I know what this is now…I am dancing in a rainbow toward my destiny.  Somewhere you are out there waiting for me.  Fine…I will be there.  Eventually my speed will match yours and then I will be there beside you.

Write from the Head or Write from the Heart?

This was a question I got two days ago…It is difficult to answer but it depends on A) what you are writing, B) they type of audience your intending it for and C) whether any damned good will come of it–but if it makes you feel a hell of a lot better, then the answer to C) is “HELL YES!” regardless…

When you write from the “head” it is my opinion that you are going for the academia audience–the well-traveled and educated audience and/or the elitists in the movie or publishing industries.  When trying to appeal to this crowd, they are usually looking at what will sell and what makes sense TO THEM.  Again, that is my opinion. The thing to bear in mind is that whatever makes sense TO THEM might make less sense to “Joe Public“.  That is why the a lot of indie projects get respect…They buck the system altogether in many ways.  The same is true of the music industry, I think.

NOW for writing from the heart…IF it feels write to you regardless of what those in the above crowd think AND  if it helps you or someone else who reads it, then it was worth putting forth the energy to begin with.  Now what makes sense to this crowd–which is usually going to be your “JOE PUBLIC” crowd, may NOT make sense to the above crowd…Get it?

The average public will take some C4 and common sense smashing into reality over the new age philosophy any day of the week.  Do not get me wrong, I am not knocking the writers in that movement that inspired me, but I am saying that what works for YOU may be different. There is nothing wrong with watching movies like “Letters to God“, “The Help” and such…However some people will NEVER get into such movies because they were raised to think differently and on a different level.  It doesn’t mean that one audience is above the other either. However every REAL coin is two-sided.  Every person has more than one dimension also.

Now comes the big bitch word:  “REALITY“…Are you trying to write to sell? Then you need to get into writer’s workshops and such.  Take college English classes too…Believe it or not, it does help.  If nothing else, you will learn very quickly how to make a logical thought stick or a new term memorable…My personal favorite that I coined is the “closet exhibitionist“.  This is the person who is too afraid to be themselves, go into acting or whatever, and yet dreams of being a public figure…He or she often pretends to be a famous person that he or she looks up to, or acts out parts of their favorite movies.  Others play air guitar without ever learning how to play the real thing and then kick themselves when they are older for not doing so.

Believe me that condition is very real…I should know.  For the first time in 25 years, I sang publicly last night…I was quite well received and so was my son–who I did one duet with.  Not that we’ll ever make it big but I was not kidding when I said a certain Facebook page changed my life.  I had to build up to this point. I left singing for reasons which I will keep to myself, and I refused to take more theater classes…I probably should have done it, but I had some rather strange ideas about “the establishment’ back then and felt that I was better off being a recluse.

Anyway, to the person who asked, this is from my heart…25 years ago I let my head rule and not all jackasses have long ears…Figure it out and decide for yourself where your destiny lies, but don’t let anything keep you from it–not even those who mean well…Why?  Let’s just say JOB had 3 good friends.  Get my drift?

Have a great week!   If you have time, you might consider watching “Chariots of Fire” with Ben Cross…Talk about 2 sides of a coin…You have two men running for two different reasons…Figure it out…What are you writing for? Who are you writing it for? Find your reason and then run the ink well dry dammit! I WISH I watched this when it came out…I might have not had a 25+ year case of posterior cranial rectumitis, if you know what I mean…

Have a link on me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmj4lU0sra0&feature=related

If I Had Written THIS as a Teen, I’d STILL have ended up in the counselor’s office…Guess why

Another corpse choking

on a Kaiser roll

while a solitary bookkeeper

keeps track of a soul.

When the ink bottle spills

over a yellowed page

some demon in a hallway

hunts me down in a rage.

 

 

It is only Mephistopheles

who is keeping the scores

while his old pal Leviathan

vents some anger in the moors

Then children born of ignorance

escape their gilded cage–

but not before the fool seeks

some wisdom from the sage.

 

Don’t ask me where this came from.  Some times ink escapes my pen just as in the fashion words escape my mouth when I really get on a roll…If done verbally, it’s almost comparable to “verbal vomit” because I’m usually purging a few old ghosts…I write monologues once in a  while too, but as a teen, I never let anyone see all of it…If they had, they would have thought I went mad…Maybe I was in a sense. I definitely trusted nobody and I certainly was a hermit…

I find it odd that people think that solitude is such a bad thing when it really isn’t.  It depends on what one does with that solitude.  I used it to create my own worlds, characters and such–much in the way women writers did in the days of old.