Lost Treasures Found…

I sang rock and such for decades but was raised on country…I remember being in my 30’s and swearing I’d only sing rock…Well, it was Charlie Daniels that said, “If you go with what you were raised on, you won’t mess up.” or something to that effect.

Well I have found that I do have some country chops…I guess I can thank my grandparents for it but I was simply DRAWN to this song the other night. I never realized who Goldie Hill was, but now I listen avidly to the songs she sang. I also listen to the likes of Cowboy Copas, Kitty Wells and a lot of others as of late–yet I keep coming back to THIS song.  There was something in her voice that I simply adore.  Watch this one–and believe me, I could almost hear Patsy Cline cover this song, had she thought of it and/or lived long enough. You’ll see why.  Just bend a note here and there and stick with the natural register and BAM!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-F8veijaO0

There are so many people I never got to hear when I was little because a lot of them died either prior to my birth or shortly afterwards.  However, it is the classics that keep bringing me back “home”. Here’s another one I love to hear:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUHqM3j7n5Y

Hearing him sing that, I can now see just how much impact losing him, Cowboy Copas and Patsy Cline at the same time  broke the heart of Country music itself for quite time. Losing those 3 had the same impact on Country music that the crash that killed Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and the Big Bopper had on the world of Rock and Roll just a few short years before.

I guess I know the feeling of what it is like to find a shiny treasure in an old attic!

Have a great day!

Spammers Tick Me Off…If They Tick You Off, Feel Free to Use This!

If you have difficulty finding this blog on Google and you are spamming, you either need glasses and/or I am blocking you. Sorry folks…I had to put it out there because I’ve got too many people trying to spam this blog as of late! Fellow writers, feel free to use this to vent anytime you like on them too!

Most of us know you are simply trying to get us to visit your sites to set us up with spyware, malware, viruses and/or various crap you want us to buy from you. However, I for one, AM NOT interested. Therefore, you do not need to respond to this post! Thank you.

A Club Nobody Wants to Join…

I have been down for the past 2 days.  Depression over losing a child 28 years ago set in and it will pass, but what brought it on should not surprise anyone.  A friend of mine lost her daughter two days ago. She was waiting for a heart transplant. It is quite different to lose an older child but the pain is the same for us both.  We will never get to see our children’s “what might have been” and there will always be an empty space at the table.

For a while people seem empathetic and will listen to us. They will allow us to cry on their shoulders for a bit, but if they have never been in this unique club, there comes a day when they stop listening and we are left to deal with the wreckage alone. They do not know how to deal with our pain so they say things like, “You need to get over it.” or “You need to come back to the living.’  Well god forbid they ever have to join the membership of this club because then they will know the reality of the situation. Some even go so far as to say “You can have another child.” OR “You have other children.” Excuse me, but NO CHILD replaces a lost child. One can have 10 more children after and they still mourn the one that is lost. Believe me…I KNOW this for a fact.

Every would-have-been birthday is greeted with the utmost dread.  Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc…is greeted with thoughts of “what might have been”. In short, losing a child is a pain we never recover from–we just learn to deal with it in our own way.  To this day I cannot attend funerals of children/babies.  It literally tears me to fucking  pieces and nobody understands why. It is simple–it brings up my pain that I am still dealing with after 28 years and I feel so bad for the other parent(s) because having been a long-standing member of this god forsaken club, I know what they are in for in the long run.

If you want to help or understand a grieving parent, try not saying anything. Just listen. Wipe our tears when they come. Whatever you do, don’t say things like those mentioned above. While well-meaning they actually cut like a bloody knife.  I apologize for my language earlier but I am NOT having a good day today. I don’t know if I will have a better one tomorrow either, but at least I have a pillow to cry on and can be there for my friend as she needs me.

 

Yes, People Kill People But….

Look, I do not talk about this a lot. Yes, I DO support the right of EVERY law-abiding citizen to own a gun, but mental health in this country has to be addressed.  I’m not into all this gun grabbing crap a lot of people are trying to push for,  but I see nothing wrong with flagging people who have severe behavioral disorders from getting a gun. If people are arrested for domestic violence, robbery, assault, etc…they should automatically have their guns confiscated also until found not guilty–and if found guilty, they should not be returned to anyone in the household, but sold to cover costs incurred by the county and/or state.

I do not agree with the extreme left on this issue because they give off a perception that they do have a goal to take ALL guns away, or at least many of them do. However, these violent groups of people have to be dealt with.

I do not think it is that much to ask for. I’m not advocating limitations on all guns or gun sales, just to individuals who have such records.

Had such a system been in place in the 1970’s my stepmother might not have blown her brains out when I was almost 15. Was she mentally ill? Yes. We found out AFTER her death that she had been institutionalized. Her favorite thing to do when my dad was at work was to point that .22 that she killed herself with and put it to my temple as her method of “discipline” which was nothing more than terrorism in my home.

To this day, people, I can still feel the cold end of that gun at my temple. Sometimes I wake up dreaming about it. It was only after she died that I realized that this wasn’t just a surrealistic nightmare I lived in, but that she could have, at any moment, blown my brains out and anyone else’s in the house too.

Unless you lived through it, I know you can’t relate to it and more went on than that, which I will not discuss. Funny thing is I didn’t really realize what “normal” was until I got around “normal families” that sat at the table together and such after her death. I grew to pity her. Hopefully, she is at peace. I forgave her long ago, and despite the nightmares I have once in a while, I can still feel pity for her and understand that she could not help herself–but that the state failed to help her a long, long time ago.

I will say this much for those who have gone through something like this at the hands of a mentally ill relative or person close to your family. What helped me was to forgive her. Once I did that, the nightmares gradually happened less often, and became less intense. I actually stood over her grave about seven years ago and told her that I forgive her. Anyway, I hope that does help someone out there. I know forgiving her did help me.

Why We Should All Read the Writings of ANY Public Figure…

If you want to know what any public figure is about, read their writings. Read the books they wrote themselves. Those reveal the content of their character. If you have not read those, then don’t criticize those who have. To refuse to check out a person’s own words means that one is willing to remain willfully ignorant. They are willing to be used for that person’s gain. It doesn’t matter if that person is a political figure, entertainer or journalist. Those words that were put into print define them. It is those who choose to stay willfully blind who refuse to read them–or listen to them if they are available on audio. If they are upset with YOU for doing so, then it is because they don’t want to see the truth, but to live in their own Utopian delusion whatever that may be.

I have a nasty habit of calling writers on the carpet when they contradict themselves as well. We all should all be doing this if we are paying attention.

Why On Earth is This Tolerated?

I have written much about bullying, but feel compelled to address what is turning into a severe problem nation wide.  A growing number of elderly and disabled people are being attacked. Why? Because criminals view them as easy targets. I don’t want to hear about teenagers making mistakes when I’m reading about elderly people having to have plastic surgery because their facial injuries so severe.

I don’t want to hear about how people make mistakes. To deliberately target those who are least able to help themselves, to me, is a hate crime. I don’t care what race the perpetrator is. I don’t care what race the victim is. Our elderly and disabled deserve better treatment than what is being given by our justice system, so HERE is what I propose:

I propose that anyone found guilty of assaulting an elderly and/or person with a disability which results in serious bodily harm should have to serve a 25 year sentence, flat-time and no parole, in a federal correctional facility.

There. You have my Monday rant. I am so sick of reading these stories, and many of these victims get critically injured.  This is some serious stuff people.  I personally think that 25 years flat time in GP is plenty of time to rethink one’s actions in a case like this.

I have an aunt who was murdered–after being severely beaten. So if you think I’m over-reacting, just pray this doesn’t happen in your family. Why is this even tolerated in this country? That is all I’m saying about this crap.

Yeah…I’ve Been Quiet…

I haven’t posted in a while but I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I want to spend the rest of my life.  I managed to succeed in my first major goal of 2014 and paid off my car.  My grandson is about to turn 2.  Quite frankly today, I feel a bit on the old side. My joints have been killing me all day. Someone bashed my car on the driver side rear. My son took liquid nails for some strange reason, and put the red part back on the car and the light still works, but it just pisses me off that I just paid it off and someone screwed it up even worse. I hope the insurance doesn’t total it. I really don’t want another bloody car payment.

I truly long to go back to the Austin area–or even the coast. Well…I keep saying “One day I will.” but  at least I met one goal so far this year.  I see a lot of people with much to celebrate, but am reminded that in that same celebration, the struggle to keep afloat will follow.

My next goal is to be out of debt in 5 years. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will.  I’m taking money from smaller debts and applying that to pay the next highest debt up. In other words, it’s a debt snowball. It does work. I also have to look at the idea that as I age, I may require care later on. Hopefully, I’ll not have to worry about it. I want to die in my sleep like my grandmother on Dad’s side did.

Yeah I know. It sounds depressing to be talking about this stuff but the fact of the matter is, I am not afraid of death or dying. I fear what I will leave behind, even though it doesn’t matter when one dies, something is always left unfinished. There is always a final “I love you” or something left unsaid.

That is why I tell my family I love them at the end of every conversation.  Between my anemia and other issues popping up as a result, I am making changes in my life.  First on my agenda is to get into a real place to live. I will not pay the rent in Midland and I will not part with my 15-year-old lab. I’ll live in my car first.

The rent is gouged to the point that it really pisses me off.  People are living in storage rooms. I had a customer tell me and another employee that there are areas in town that remind him of the movie “The Grapes of Wrath”. I never thought about it, but he’s right. Anyway, I look for more changes this year–big changes!

Alternative Was Around Long Before the ’90’s in Another Form, I Think…

Call me crazy…Call me whatever you will, but some of the lyrics I hear in songs I grew up on would kick ass if updated today.

I have found a lot of songs in the weirdest places where the lyrics seemed way ahead of  their time. I can listen to this one and go straight to “Cat’s in the Cradle”, or “Wonderful” by Everclear since to me, they are songs in a parallel universe.  I can  listen to “Pleasant Valley Sunday” while remembering what it was like living on a military base as a kid, and then going straight to “Smells Like Teen Spirit” when I snap out of fantasy of what family roles while living in some of the places we grew up in should have been–and a lot of dissatisfaction that there was no real “Brady Bunch” after finding out that fairy tales were nothing more than illusions. Hell everyone I knew in school wanted a Dad like Mike Brady–or a Mom like Shirley Partridge. I kid you not!

I will also go so far as to say as these were some early alternative rock lyrics set to pop. They made people think about the “status quo” and the possibility of changing it I think. Since I spent time on military bases–I can tell you that Pleasant Valley Sunday does speak to how everything is the freaking “same” on them–appearances and otherwise. However this one is “Door Into Summer”–and believe me, if telling a story, I can definitely see this as a precursor to “Cat’s in the Cradle” since dear old dad gets left behind–like the kids.

I am putting this link up because the video from the show is really too damned cheesy and it’s the lyrics I want you to see.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7FOSGGPots

For further reference here are “Pleasant Valley Sunday” and “Daily Nightly” as well.

Who would have thought the Monkees could evoke such a response?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUzs5dlLrm0

I mean, seriously, did anyone realize how deep these lyrics really were and what they addressed when released the first time around? I think “Daily Nightly” does well at describing addictions to various things–and the fall of the person addicted, if you know what I mean. However it was reported that it was about some rioting that went on and a club that was burned down. Again I post the lyric version so one can actually get the gist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MO_HmVpo8lA

Am I the only one out there that has these weird trains of thoughts and the ability to impart to what most people, unless they are writers or musicians, could be the most useless pieces of information in the universe unless one is going to update these things? I’m just wondering because to me, these songs ARE worth updating. These lyrics are genius. I could see a “Nirvana job” on “Daily Nightly”,  if you know what I mean. Man I wish Cobain was still around. When he was here, he made people think. Trent Reznor can make people think…What the hell is wrong with these record companies that promote so few artists with that ability?

And here’s one more thing: “I still say the Monkees belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame! I don’t even have to outline the reasons as most fans and a lot of other musicians probably know fully well why they belong in there.

There…I’m through…Coming back to Earth and down from my soap box. Good night–or should I say, “what’s left of it”…?

I’ll Stay Single, Thank You Very Much…

When destined to be alone  it is totally best to revel in the solitude. In order to truly appreciate it, all I have to do is listen to all the couples I know when they fight over dumb crap and be glad that I don’t have to deal with their dilemmas.

I am very serious. Every couple I know either got together out of some sense of a need for a living arrangement or they got together because of outside pressures that “they’d be good for each other”. I am sorry but any relationship that is not based on a mutual attraction in the beginning that leads to some sort of pseudo commitment with no love  is nothing but a lie in the making and if there is any love whatsoever, it is usually one-sided. “Arrangements that make sense” are just not my thing. That’s a business arrangement not a relationship.

These are the same individuals who think my life is “broken” and needs “fixing”. No thank you. I spent over half my life married and have no desire to commit to anyone again.  I have no interest in meeting the person one thinks would be so “good for me” because in fact that is being based on what is good for THAT person engineering this whole thing in his or her own mind. To that I would say I am not you. I have my own needs and desires and if I go out with anyone it will be of my choosing, not yours. If that person is so good to you, then dump your significant other and go out with him yourself…I’m not interested. Capiche?  I feel like I’m being pimped out when someone tries to set me up like that and I totally detest it.

Every couple I know fights over money, or the fact that one has to work long hours to make the money to pay for that house or whatever the other person wants, but then they get mad because they feel they don’t get enough attention once the novelty wears off of the relationship. Relationships take work. I learned that a long time ago. After two strikes I’m not going for a 3rd. Unlike a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” I know when to take what I’ve got and walk away. I’m not willing to kiss any more friggin’  frogs and I’m not looking for a prince because to me there is no such thing as real, romantic love. If there were, there wouldn’t be so many bloody divorces…

Here is the PERFECT singles ad for me if I were going to put one up: “Hey guys! If you are looking for a woman who looks like Cindy Crawford, cleans like Alice on “The Brady Bunch” and cooks like Julia Child, you are shit out of luck with me.”  At least I can say I am honest. I do not need anyone to “take care of me” and I certainly don’t need a partner to validate who I am.

When There is No Justice, There Are Tears Without End

Today I am charged with writing something about my best friend.  This is the hardest post I ever had to write. Why? Because she is dead. She has been dead for years, but in high school she was my best friend. She knew everything about me and never shared it with anyone.  To this day I  still wonder why her killers got off with only a 7 year sentence when it was clearly premeditated murder. Had I been able to attend the trial,  I would have raised hell to the media about how HER character was put on trial rather than the actions of the bitch that pumped the bullets into her body.  She was lured out to a desolate road, shot and left for dead. The last conversation I had with her, we talked about my boys and such. Then she said she had to go to meet someone. That was the last time we ever spoke.

So what ended up happening? To make a long story short, they didn’t find the deposit. I guess they were high on drugs or something because they tore the rest of the car apart looking for it from what I am told. So what is there to say? My memories were of good, clean juvenile fun we had and a few in-depth discussions. Ironically I never met her father until well after she died.  She and I would talk for hours on the phone just BS’ing.  He remembered that. I remember the pain in his eyes. I remember seeing his tears fall as he relayed to me his thoughts about losing his only daughter.  Losing a child is a pain I can relate to, only I lost mine due to troubled pregnancies.

And as my eyes are now welling up, I can say no more–except this and that hope she is at peace, even though she got NO justice. Here is part of a song I wrote for her…Her name is Leslie.

“Childhood Friend”

“..Childhood Friend…Why have you gone out to play in all the rain, again?

Leaving me alone, your memory to defend to the end.

God it hurts so bad but I miss my childhood friend…”

I cannot write anymore.  I still miss her after all these years. I guess you can tell just from what I wrote above where the 2nd line came from…But she is dead and cannot defend herself. The person I knew is not the one the defense lawyer for these murderers tried to portray. That I do know and will go to my grave knowing it. I can tell you this…Not once did she ever try to offer me drugs of any kind–which is what the defense for these ass clowns tried to say she was doing in her free time to make THEM look a little better, I guess.  Given my childhood, which most who know me personally are aware of–if she were offering anyone drugs I would have been a prime candidate for self-medication back then just to escape the bull crap that went on in my life.

RIP Leslie…I still miss you, kid…

I also have an aunt who was murdered…They never found who did that either…Either way, Leslie got no justice and my aunt’s killers are out there and it sucks.