Yeah…I’ve Been Quiet…

I haven’t posted in a while but I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I want to spend the rest of my life.  I managed to succeed in my first major goal of 2014 and paid off my car.  My grandson is about to turn 2.  Quite frankly today, I feel a bit on the old side. My joints have been killing me all day. Someone bashed my car on the driver side rear. My son took liquid nails for some strange reason, and put the red part back on the car and the light still works, but it just pisses me off that I just paid it off and someone screwed it up even worse. I hope the insurance doesn’t total it. I really don’t want another bloody car payment.

I truly long to go back to the Austin area–or even the coast. Well…I keep saying “One day I will.” but  at least I met one goal so far this year.  I see a lot of people with much to celebrate, but am reminded that in that same celebration, the struggle to keep afloat will follow.

My next goal is to be out of debt in 5 years. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will.  I’m taking money from smaller debts and applying that to pay the next highest debt up. In other words, it’s a debt snowball. It does work. I also have to look at the idea that as I age, I may require care later on. Hopefully, I’ll not have to worry about it. I want to die in my sleep like my grandmother on Dad’s side did.

Yeah I know. It sounds depressing to be talking about this stuff but the fact of the matter is, I am not afraid of death or dying. I fear what I will leave behind, even though it doesn’t matter when one dies, something is always left unfinished. There is always a final “I love you” or something left unsaid.

That is why I tell my family I love them at the end of every conversation.  Between my anemia and other issues popping up as a result, I am making changes in my life.  First on my agenda is to get into a real place to live. I will not pay the rent in Midland and I will not part with my 15-year-old lab. I’ll live in my car first.

The rent is gouged to the point that it really pisses me off.  People are living in storage rooms. I had a customer tell me and another employee that there are areas in town that remind him of the movie “The Grapes of Wrath”. I never thought about it, but he’s right. Anyway, I look for more changes this year–big changes!

The Light Bulb in My Head Came On Today. That’s RARE on Mondays!

All of my life, I have been through various bouts of junk.  Now that I am 50, this has been one of my roughest years (physically) yet one of my most enjoyable.  Aside from the female issues that are also getting brought under control with medication, I am cancer free and my pernicious anemia is now “managed” to the point where I don’t feel so much of that crushing fatigue.  I still get light-headed from time to time but I simply slow down.

I realized today that some people really would like to go back to “yesteryear” and repeat their lives at various points, hoping to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.  With me, this is NOT the case.  I would never want to go back and redo any part of my life.   I think the life I have right now, despite having to write and “broadcast” from the TTRV, my life is full! I am enjoying it. Despite some family concerns, I know things are going to turn around.  I don’t know HOW I know it, but I do.

That being said, all I really need is one thing and that is “NOW”.  Think about that. IF we can’t change the past or alter the future, why the hell do we lose sleep over either?  Seriously people!  Yes it’s Monday, but I hope you all have a great day ahead!  Normally I dread Mondays but I am off today!

Within two weeks, I look forward to working toward my goals again–dropping the weight and getting back into shape!  I haven’t had a transfusion since July too!   Again, have a GREAT day!

 

It’s the “Nightlife” Special”…

This is one of my FAVORITE movies…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIGLOd241xw

 

How many of you have actually seen this? Well, it came to mind again recently.  On July 4th weekend, I truly regret that I had not one single fifth to enjoy…In fact, I haven’t had a drink in months and when I do, it’s on the weekends–usually or on days off. However I did receive 2 pints of the “Nightlife Special” (A+)  courtesy of the Martin County ER in Stanton, TX. The staff was great!

To begin, I felt really weak and light-headed at work. As I was driving toward Stanton, I knew something wasn’t right. Things started to appear to be “brighter” than usual…I decided to get to the ER.  When I got there, I revealed that I had been bleeding for 30 days straight–no stopping in sight.

They did blood work and I waited for what seemed like forever, but it really wasn’t that long, I don’t think. I got frustrated and walked to the nurses station. I cut up with them a bit and had them laughing before the doctor came back in…He looked at my blood work and said, “I do not see how you are walking.”  I asked him what he meant and he told me “Your hemoglobin has dropped to 5 and the normal is around 15.  You need to get back on the bed. You need at least 2 pints of blood.”

Well, dammit…Can’t blame this one on Vlad…Poor guy…I asked the doctor, “Well does this mean I now qualify as an honorary cast member of the “Walking Dead”?…” He just smiled and said, “You’ll feel a lot better when you get the blood.”

Then I called my boss and filled him in on the details since I had left work.  He’s a very gracious man and he knows I”m scared to death.  On top of this, I am a needle phobe. Skip the lollipop, I’d rather get booze infused, myself. That is how much needles frighten me.  Needless to say, by the time I was done, I felt like a used up voodoo doll with no place left to stick.  I have a follow-up on the 12th and I’m going to have to see a gynecologist and a hematologist at some point.  As it turns out I have pernicious anemia.  A former doctor took me off of iron, without doing blood work and diagnosed me as going through menopause. The diagnosis is incorrect.  I’m NOT going through that as previously thought.  However, this anemia is dangerous. I always did take iron and B supplements, but had stopped the iron. That is what brought me to this point.  To date, I don’t recall ever having to have had a blood transfusion until now, but I feel it saved my life.

When I called my sister she told me that I was diagnosed with anemia as a child. I must have been very small because I don’t remember it, but I am glad they told me now.

Gee…This could have gotten really, really bad…In fact, it did.  I’m on light duty for a while and I am trying to get my system back on track. That being said, please keep my family in your thoughts as they are very concerned. Until then, here’s my favorite clip from “Nightlife”!  Ciao! And check out the scene with the housekeeper! :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp-HX9ETKNw

 

Anemia is a very serious thing…

The other day I had to go to the ER.  The staff was great. As usual, my dry wit kept them in stitches, until shit got serious.  I was walking around because sitting still is next to impossible for me and the doctor looked at me and said, “I don’t know how you’re walking right now.”   I said, “What to you mean?”  Then he said, “You need to go into the room. Your hemoglobin is at 5.  That’s not good.”

After asking him if I now qualify as an honorary cast member of the Walking Dead, I went back to the room and waited a bit.  I thought I’d get a shot and go home but I soon found out my condition is more complicated.

My body doesn’t absorb B12 from what I eat, so my body didn’t make enough healthy red blood cells. I got on the phone and found out from my mom that I was diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia as a kid. Well, I don’t remember much about my childhood but this stuff can get lethal–seriously.  Not getting enough B12 can lead to organ failure.  My condition was worsening and something had to be done.  The next thing I know, I got 2 pints of blood put into me.  I was also told that my iron was way too low even though I take iron so I have to up that dosage. My body doesn’t absorb that very well from food either.

On top of all of this, as it turned out, my excessive visit from Aunt Flo (as a dear friend calls it) was actually hemorrhaging.  However, I was right about ONE thing in all of this…I am NOT going through menopause yet.  For that, I did get a shot and it’s finally coming to a trickle and I was told it will stop it. Thank god…

Anyway, this weekend was an adventure I’d rather not relive so I am going to be very proactive from here on in. I really thought my fatigue was in my head and the cravings for ice were from the intense West TX heat…I learned the cravings for ice is a condition called “Pica” which is one of the symptoms of the anemia when it is getting very bad. My co-workers had also noticed my energy level was down and I was (in their words) “chalk-white” for some time. They had told me to slow down for a month now.

The moral of the story is, “Don’t assume anything is in your imagination. Most likely, it’s not. Take care of your body because you only have one life and to not take care of these things early is a wee bit on the insane side.”