My Thoughts On Relationships and What I Tend to Avoid

Note: The post below is simply my opinion of the matter. I am very leery of who I get involved with, especially when they get too much into the “flattery” bit. I don’t know about the rest of you, but give me an honest guy I can bullshit with at the club any day of the week.  At least I know that even when we get pissed at each other we can still remain friends, even if I am never going get into a committed relationship if I can see it would ruin the friendship.

Maybe I am just strange but I never understood why some people feel the need to wrap their entire identity up in another person. I’ve been divorced for 19 years. I’m a bit gun-shy of anyone who tries to make out like I am their “possession” after only dating a few months. I bolt! I rather enjoy my independence. I think the biggest mistake young women make is they look for a prince when there is no prince. After the novelty of a relationship wears off, that is when the younger women get very disappointed, disillusioned and brought down to reality. They discover that relationships take work.

However when women look for a lasting relationship while a man is looking for an “arrangement” that suits him, that is where problems come in. Eventually they part ways and I’ve seen this too many times. Sometimes it’s the other way around and some of the women look to combine resources and such, while the guys are actually looking for something real and lasting that goes beyond the material. Neither type of relationship tends to last and I’ve seen too many of my friends end up miserable after seven years or so in such a farce. No, these people are not “gold diggers” either. They just have different ideas of what constructs a relationship and when two people get together who aren’t like-minded and there isn’t good communication, that is a relationship doomed to fail from day one.

I can tell quickly where I stand with someone now. I can tell when it will not work by listening closely to what he’s saying. If younger women (and men) could gain that skill without having to go through the motions first, there might be less heartache involved in the break-up. As far as being a woman, I was better off the day I realized there are no princes, and it takes more than a crown to make a true prince…Think about it.

This holds true for the guys who tend to hook up with “princess” types too–the girls who want all to revolve around THEM. Guys, those are the girls you need to avoid…Period. If they don’t have a life outside of YOU there is a problem… And  women need to realize, there are guys like this too. .Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about there when it comes to the “princess” type–Betty Broderick was one of those. She is an extreme example but the “princess” type will keep calling you and harassing you and your new girlfriend long after you break up with her. She’ll also back stab you when you tell her to knock it off and she will covertly try to make you look like the bad guy to others–and will work deceitfully and covertly to get others in your own circle to turn on you. I don’t know WHY it is but sometimes, and in some ways,  it is easier to spot the male doing this than the female.  Maybe it is because the female tends to be more subtle about it.

Granted, Broderick is an extreme example, but guys who have dealt with that type KNOW what I mean. They manipulate and cannot let go of the guy when he leaves. They are like “Hilly” in the movie “The Help”–where she treats her ex’s wife like crap and gets her ostracized in the community out of extreme jealousy, and she also tries to control others in her peer group. Guys, there is a way to spot those types. When they always say what you WANT to hear vs. what you NEED to hear to get you hooked, be careful. Some things are too good to be true. A good woman will start off  by being that friend who tells you what she really thinks–even if there are times it really ticks you off at first, but at least she’s being HONEST and that is what counts. And don’t pout if she is right either!  If she’s being honest with you, then she RESPECTS you as a person and cares about the person you are and NOT what you have to offer.  The same holds true for women out there who are addicted to those “sweet nothings” that they hear a lot. They need to ditch people who are into that bit.  That road leads quickly to misery. Sweet nothings are only bait used to hook the fish…

Chew on that for a while…There is a big difference in what some say vs. what they REALLY mean. That is another thing to watch for!

Nana’s Top Songs About Being “Broken”:

Sometimes songs depict various situations in life, or at least the emotions behind them.  Some are by artists of faith and others are not.  I know a lot of “broken” spirits right now. Some have lost partners. Some lost children. Some lost jobs and their homes, etc…Some lost their childhood. These are the top songs for various situations that can leave one “broken”.  Some are going to be more familiar than others–and some are a tribute to those who love the broken just as they are–or those who know they will find their way…And I threw one on here for those who are hypocritical enough to judge the broken, yet have never walked in their shoes. Enjoy–and grab your Kleenex if you are broken…At least you will know you are not alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZt7J0iaUD0  Luka–Suzanne Vega

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6l1kpJ0x5k   Home Free–Wayne Watson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCZ1YteCv5M  “What It’s Like”–Everlast (dedicated to the hypocrites everywhere–they are as broken as those they victimize, I think…)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1QGnq9jUU0  “My Heart is Broken“–Evanescence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM  “Beautiful”–Christina Aguilera

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miazVAj2PxA  “I Probably Wouldn’t Be This Way“–Leann Rimes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttggMJeUAo4  “When You Were Mine”–The Dixie Chicks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saalGKY7ifU  “My Heart Will Go On”–Celine Dion

NOW FOR THE ONES THAT REALLY GET TO ME PERSONALLY:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_KhkXNF6-U  “Mr. Perfect”–Pink  (I love this song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1GmxMTwUgs  “Angel”–Sara McLachlan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSjIz8oQuko  “Family Portrait”–from a girl’s perspective–parental break ups are hell. So is living in WW3.  I experienced the latter in a much different way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUfgAbFY4CA  “Wonderful”–Everclear  One of the best songs involving divorce from a kid’s perspective I have ever heard in my life. Parents should listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ7oqmikZDQ  “Untitled”–Simple Plan  This video accurately depicts how driving drunk destroys a family. Watch it…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7l98wiQx0s  “Broken”–Lindsey Haun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS91knuzoOA “Jeremy”–Pearl Jam   Sometimes children break to the point that they kill themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPG1n1B0Ydw  “Stay”–Sugarland   Sometimes it is the other woman who is the stronger one when she realizes it’s best to walk the hell away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gmgwx77osw&list=FL5P37z_TMECOYMgJMs0RE6w  “I Was Only 19“–Video from The Herds version of “I was only 19” with the music of the original by Redgum.  This is the very best song about PTSD I have ever heard and the video kicks ass.  This  is an Australian video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je8mrb31D1g  “All That You Are”–The Goo Goo Dolls   AND if we have people in our lives who help us to reach this point, we’re damned lucky!

There…Pick and choose! Anyway these are a few of my favorite songs about various states of being.

 

Does a Broken Heart Ever Heal?

I had to ask this.  I don’t know why I am down right now, but for some reason, I went through a phase tonight where all I could do mourn for a person who died to me 2 years ago…No, he’s not physically dead but he might as well be because I have no intention of letting him back into my life.  I visualized putting flowers into the sea and watching them drift into the sea as I said, “Nevermore”.  Yes, I know that is what the Raven said, but for some reason my heart felt very heavy tonight and it surrounded  him.

A friend then urged me to call him to which I replied, “What the hell for?  There is no point.”  Well my friend says that this guy keeps asking about me.  So what?  I don’t want him back. He chose to be where he is.  He can stay there.

Then I get told, “Well you should call him.  Once you call him and the dust settles you’ll feel better.”

I felt better the day I said goodbye to him.  I will not go back  ten steps when I am moving forward and my career is going well.  To let him back into my life in any capacity would only set me backwards.  I do not need that–not now–not ever.  Had he been genuine and not leading everyone around him (including his family) with false promises and lies, it would be different.

The sun is rising on a new day and I am going to sleep now.  I will not dream of him.  Why?  He doesn’t break my heart any longer but I know that he is breaking someone else’s–but the lies he lives are his own.  So now I ask for his next victim, “Does a broken heart ever heal?”

I will also answer it here: “Yes it does. Give it time.  You’ll still think of the person once in a while, but the pain of the old relationship is not worth returning to. It will pass.  Just leave that person where he or she belongs–out of the picture of your future, which is what I had to do.  With that person there would be no future to speak of anyhow.  I know this from personal experience.”

Give yourself some TLC if you are hurting right now. You deserve the "me" time! Use that to work on healing the old wounds, folks...It doesn't matter what gender you are or whatever. Broken hearts take time to heal, and yours will...I promise you that...