My Thoughts On Relationships and What I Tend to Avoid

Note: The post below is simply my opinion of the matter. I am very leery of who I get involved with, especially when they get too much into the “flattery” bit. I don’t know about the rest of you, but give me an honest guy I can bullshit with at the club any day of the week.  At least I know that even when we get pissed at each other we can still remain friends, even if I am never going get into a committed relationship if I can see it would ruin the friendship.

Maybe I am just strange but I never understood why some people feel the need to wrap their entire identity up in another person. I’ve been divorced for 19 years. I’m a bit gun-shy of anyone who tries to make out like I am their “possession” after only dating a few months. I bolt! I rather enjoy my independence. I think the biggest mistake young women make is they look for a prince when there is no prince. After the novelty of a relationship wears off, that is when the younger women get very disappointed, disillusioned and brought down to reality. They discover that relationships take work.

However when women look for a lasting relationship while a man is looking for an “arrangement” that suits him, that is where problems come in. Eventually they part ways and I’ve seen this too many times. Sometimes it’s the other way around and some of the women look to combine resources and such, while the guys are actually looking for something real and lasting that goes beyond the material. Neither type of relationship tends to last and I’ve seen too many of my friends end up miserable after seven years or so in such a farce. No, these people are not “gold diggers” either. They just have different ideas of what constructs a relationship and when two people get together who aren’t like-minded and there isn’t good communication, that is a relationship doomed to fail from day one.

I can tell quickly where I stand with someone now. I can tell when it will not work by listening closely to what he’s saying. If younger women (and men) could gain that skill without having to go through the motions first, there might be less heartache involved in the break-up. As far as being a woman, I was better off the day I realized there are no princes, and it takes more than a crown to make a true prince…Think about it.

This holds true for the guys who tend to hook up with “princess” types too–the girls who want all to revolve around THEM. Guys, those are the girls you need to avoid…Period. If they don’t have a life outside of YOU there is a problem… And  women need to realize, there are guys like this too. .Just to give you an idea of what I’m talking about there when it comes to the “princess” type–Betty Broderick was one of those. She is an extreme example but the “princess” type will keep calling you and harassing you and your new girlfriend long after you break up with her. She’ll also back stab you when you tell her to knock it off and she will covertly try to make you look like the bad guy to others–and will work deceitfully and covertly to get others in your own circle to turn on you. I don’t know WHY it is but sometimes, and in some ways,  it is easier to spot the male doing this than the female.  Maybe it is because the female tends to be more subtle about it.

Granted, Broderick is an extreme example, but guys who have dealt with that type KNOW what I mean. They manipulate and cannot let go of the guy when he leaves. They are like “Hilly” in the movie “The Help”–where she treats her ex’s wife like crap and gets her ostracized in the community out of extreme jealousy, and she also tries to control others in her peer group. Guys, there is a way to spot those types. When they always say what you WANT to hear vs. what you NEED to hear to get you hooked, be careful. Some things are too good to be true. A good woman will start off  by being that friend who tells you what she really thinks–even if there are times it really ticks you off at first, but at least she’s being HONEST and that is what counts. And don’t pout if she is right either!  If she’s being honest with you, then she RESPECTS you as a person and cares about the person you are and NOT what you have to offer.  The same holds true for women out there who are addicted to those “sweet nothings” that they hear a lot. They need to ditch people who are into that bit.  That road leads quickly to misery. Sweet nothings are only bait used to hook the fish…

Chew on that for a while…There is a big difference in what some say vs. what they REALLY mean. That is another thing to watch for!

Fallen…Forgotten…

I was called Fallen.  I am the one you don’t see or hear.  I stood by you when you cried, and told you all would be well.  Yet you chose to simply let me fall.  I was crushed and broken, but you were no longer there. You built your own Utopia while I faithfully stood and waited.  Silently…Hoping for some sign that my fears had not come to pass.  Then the rain fell.  As each drop penetrated my being, I longed to be part of Mother Earth once again–to have that oneness with something again, for walking on this red road has become increasingly difficult.

At least if I am part of Mother Earth, at some point we will cross paths again and I will feel your warm presence–though you will not know mine for I will be supporting your footsteps as I always have. However, the Great Spirit has other plans for me.  I will one day leave this place behind, and the grief I have with it.  As the rain washes the tears from my fading tracks, you will come to look for me but I will be gone–as well as my tracks.  And when you seek the Great Spirit to return me to you, you will find that he has sent me to where I am truly needed…

And at that point I will no longer be fallen or forgotten. I will be appreciated, needed and loved.  I have a purpose yet to fulfill in this life and will not let you drive me to such depths of despair again–let alone distract me from what I must do ever again.  Farewell, for soon you will be fallen and forgotten as my purpose on this road unfolds before me.  Even now you seek me, but I am not to be found…Please do not ask  about me or for me again. I will no longer answer for the ship I am going to leave on is waiting. I shall not look back because I have now risen.  Of the two of us, I shall now fly to my new sanctuary. Peace.

My Sanctuary