***Snickers***
BELIEVE ME these will never happen!
“50 First Dates: 10 years and 4 kids later”.
“The Waterboy II: Mama Moves Back In”
“Fast Times at Ridgemont High: 40 Year Reunion”
“How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days and Still get Palimony”
“The Breakfast Club: Bender Goes to Washington”
“Beverly Hills Cop: Retired My Ass!”
“The Wedding Singer: Out of Tune”
“The Goonies: Where’s the Cave?”
“Charlie’s Angels: Contracted Out”
“Ferris Buehler’s Day Off: Again?”
Alright this was inspired by a friend I went to school with…I’m not giving her name or anything but I have been in this situation myself so I’ve decided to share some things to get rid of that persistent “would be suitor” who wants to take you out but you have NO interest in him or her. These can easily be adapted for men’s use against persistent females, but just change a few names up…
For example when a guy says to you in a theater where there are plenty of seats available but he comes up to you and asks, “Is this seat taken?” You already KNOW what time it is–especially if he tries to introduce himself and shake your hand. All you have to do is grow a pair and say, “No and this one is about to be available as well.”
If he’s one of the overly persistent pain-in-the-ass types, just say, “No and this one won’t be either when you sit down.” OUCH!
Guys, just act like your cell phone is ringing and your wife is calling–or better yet–pretend you have a boyfriend. Cools the persistent stalker girls like the church lady in Six Feet Under really quick. If you’ve never seen it, you need to get someone to show you the church scene where Michael has to tell her to get lost! Why? I can’t find the damned clip of it but if someone else wants to share it, feel free!
Now for the next scenario. A guy comes up to you, introduces himself and starts really pushing himself to get a dinner date with you, making you feel really uncomfortable.
For the women you only have to say one thing, “Sure but I think you should know that I am Betty Broderick‘s half-sister or I’m Aileen Wournos’s lost daughter.” That should make you a real hit if they bother you at work too!
If he says “Who?”, just say, “You might want to Google that.”
Men, just say, “I’m Charlie Manson‘s (or Ted Bundy‘s–insert your favorite serial killer’s name here) bastard son. Are you sure you wanna hang around me?” Make sure you get that “Michael C. Hall from “Dexter” look about you too when you say that–IF the lady keeps stalking…
*Now I am going to go have my cup of Mexican Hot Chocolate and laugh profusely at the absurdity of life!* LOL
After all if life is a joke, are we not waiting on the punchline?
Oh and if you’re wondering about that “Dexter Look”–here…This is probably his funniest kill scene too. Watch this clip (and it has adult language in it so don’t let the kiddies see you watch it! ) :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8taUxqSRsDg
Funny how I’m giving advice on how to get rid of a prospective date in less than 10 minutes…
The Haunted Pen 