The Club Nobody Wants To Be In (Part 2)–They are Still Fathers…

This is a link to an older article which does a “Where Are they Now?” type of thing on David Smith–Susan Smith’s ex…

http://www.hlntv.com/slideshow/2013/10/09/david-smith-susan-smith-killed-sons-where-are-they-now

Having lost a child, this is a common thing to happen–where he talks about having more good days than bad,  but still having those days that bring a person to the knees…I still have them, but my son’s twin wasn’t murdered…The baby died early in the pregnancy and they insisted at the doctor’s office that I was no longer pregnant…When I went back  later with the ever-present morning, noon and night sickness that went on for weeks after losing the baby, they discovered there was another baby in the other sac.

I simply do not understand why society expects men to be what I can only describe as “unattached” to their own grief.  This is something we as a society need to move away from. Those who push this mentality need to be strongly addressed.  Men are every bit as emotional as women are, and they may not always show it in the way society has demanded, but society and it’s expectations should not rule how an individual would handle this issue–ever…Quite frankly, I am surprised at how many experts on grief, as a general rule, think that they are qualified to address the issue of  how to handle losing a child. This is especially true of those who never experienced such a loss.

Losing a child in any way is hell, but losing two in the way that Smith’s were lost would break even the strongest of men. However this man, despite those bad days, still drives on.  For that I admire him.  Nobody likes this little club that anyone who has lost a child is in, but I would like to see society lay off of the men…They can hurt like everyone else. Let them grieve because they also lost a child or (as in this case) more…

And for those who lost a child like I did, the men are still fathers just as assuredly as women who lost a child are still mothers.  People need to understand this, so please think before commenting and be just as considerate of the fathers as you should be of the mothers. That lost child (or those lost children) will remain a part of them forever.

 

The Great All American “Nanahood”–Part 2

As much joy as I have over a grandson coming into this world, something happened this week that raised the hairs on my head and made me have one of my “moments”…It was a moment in that I was so mad, I just wanted to lash out at someone I perceived was being total dipstick. WARNING: IF you are sensitive to graphic descriptions, skip down to the 4th paragraph now.

As some know, my son Kevin was hurt in an oil-rig mishap yesterday.  He has to follow-up with a doctor.  He has abdominal bruising and muscle  injuries but no broken bones (Thank God!).  He found out very quickly that his mama is very protective and if she perceives that someone is not following safety protocols she gets all bent out of shape…OUT of shape enough to tell off his bosses.  When I saw the awful bruising and swollen places where he landed when thrown on the platform today, I almost totally blew because they allowed him to leave the rig with his brother rather than call an ambulance.

Here’s the catch.  Kevin told them he was going to have Eric take him because if he waited on the ambulance he might have died.  Seriously…After thinking for a few moments, I realized that he was right and calmed down.  Kevin said he honestly thought one or two of his organs got knocked through his abdominal wall and was trying to hold them in!  I was not told this by any of my sons when he was first taken.  I later learned this was like blood pockets from bruising but some things show up later rather than sooner so he is going to follow-up.

I am sorry to be so graphic but as I heard this, he also made a statement that almost made me cry.  “Mama…When I landed and saw how it looked, my first thoughts when to my unborn son.”  I didn’t cry when he said it, but I had those thoughts as well as I waited to hear word on his condition.   Seeing his injuries made me stop and take a deep breath.

As a sergeant in corrections, we played “What if?” games to prepare for certain things.  I realize whether my son made it nor not, I am responsible for Daphne and this baby–not to mention the other three children because he is the only father figure they have really known. I do feel they are going to see a big difference in his outlook on life after this incident.  I do not have much, but they are my family too, and if it is within my power, they will be taken care of–especially if anything were to ever happen to my son.

I am so grateful that he was spared.  His job is a dangerous one.  This is the 2nd time he’s been hurt and since he is my youngest, it scared the living hell out of me.  I also learned that this young man has gone through some emotional growth since he found out that he is going to be a father.  I saw the look in his eyes as he told me how his thoughts went to the baby.  To see a father so deeply love his own unborn child moves me in ways that he cannot even imagine.   I won’t cry in front of him but I did later.

This baby is one lucky boy.   He is going to have a devoted and loving dad, and this mother is very proud of her youngest son–even if she wishes he could go back to college rather than risk his life any further.

I think that Kevin also learned that he is still the youngest and is always going to be the baby of this family.  This family pulls together.  This family will take care of its own.  I can be over an hour away, but I will get there when I am needed.  I am proud of his brothers for rallying around him.  I know in my heart now that if push comes to shove, they will be there for one another–even when the day comes that I am gone and can no longer be there for them. That gives me some peace of mind.

Goodnight all!  Have a link on me!

This is a beautiful Native American number and I find it highly peaceful and comforting right now:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTri6Rf4rVU&list=PL1371296F1DB8A173&index=14&feature=plpp_video

 

I learned to be very thankful in the past 48 hours...Please go check out this blog too. Very good stuff!