Thoughts on Friendship…

A friend who cannot accept that you have differences is not your friend.  A friend will not turn their back on you or betray your trust. They will accept that although you won’t agree on everything, they will defend you regardless because it is your RIGHT to be who you are. Those who cannot accept you as you are have the issues. Not you.  If they turn their backs on you and treat you badly, that is their loss and not yours.  YOU don’t need people to validate who you are, that comes with your own inner voice.  You must follow your convictions, not theirs.

If one is willing to let differences of opinions, color of skin, political affiliations, sexual orientations and such affect him/her in such a way that they do not even want to hear you out or try to find out why you feel the way you do, THEY have the problem. Not you. That being said I have always found it best to detach from many and not let people get close to me. I really don’t require human contact and do not need anyone to “validate” who I am.  I do not look for any person to come riding in on a white horse to save me. I had to take care of some things myself–and let God do his job…And he’s got a lot of work ahead of him…Trust me.

Less is More…

I am moving away by choice. I am moving closer to my work and taking my faithful friend–BUDDY with me. Buddy is my dog that I’ve had for almost 14 years & wasn’t about to part with him. He still thinks he’s about five, too… 😉  I’m going to have to part with a lot of stuff because it is a small place, but I will have my privacy.  I will also finally be able to sit back and do a lot of thinking–and actually be able to cook.  However, fear not!  I test my food before I let anyone else have it. If I can get around a kitchen without blowing it up, it is a miracle totally equal to the immaculate conception!

My books, dvds, jewelry and a few other things are going with me.  However I do have to part with some things to get smaller things–like my TV and stand. They are too big to fit. Other than that, I have several things I will NOT part with that are smaller, and if no one comes to stay in the other bedroom, that is going to be my writing/computer room., but I’m sure Buddy is going to claim a corner to crash in!  He always does!

I also look forward to living alone again.  I actually look forward to being able to watch my Banshee dvd’s and such, which should arrive in July or the first part of August.  I’ll have to change the order up to get it shipped to where I’m going.  I’ll probably have them shipped to my workplace. I am going to get the poster and T-Shirt too. I love shows with good acting and logical plots–and despite the nickname of the Cinemax channel, this show has those things.

The only main drawback is that I will not get to see my grand kids as much.  They are moving in the opposite direction.  However, I hope they come to Midland to visit once in a while.   I would  lay down my life for my boys or the grand kids in a heartbeat. However, I always love a quiet evening sitting outside in a lawn chair,  where the only sounds I hear are the wind, the birds and the occasional roar of thunder before I have to go back inside.

I also love the sound of rain hitting a tin roof, and the sight of the stars and the full moon–which I’ll also be able to enjoy.  These are some of the things people take for granted.  For me, it will be almost like a return to known territory–almost like a sanctuary, which I need so, so badly right now.

I will have a quiet place of my own so that I can get back to writing as well.  I need that type of space to work on “Centuries Under the Moon” anyway.   I really like the idea of having a female lead, with a female perspective on the modern world–despite the fact she died well over 200 years prior…

Anyway, have a great night.

Deeply Reflecting…

I have pulled in the ranks and am not talking to a lot of people right now. It has gotten to a point to where I am even  re-evaluating a couple of decisions I’ve made.  It gets really old when one tries to cheer others on, and then tries to help in any way possible and then only seeing a blank space where some colors and design should be.  However I have recently found myself in situations to where I have to fake a smile or a laugh…I have also found myself in a situation to where once again I had to be the one to create distance for my own well-being.

At dawn I will be up on my mountain again to see if there is an answer awaiting me. When I feel uncertain as to the path I should take, I find my strength up there.  Once again I must seek answers and guidance.  My spirit is deeply troubled tonight, so this time I will not go up there to seek the blessings of the Universe for others as I normally do–but I will seek the answers to my questions while there.  I need to know that my energy is not being wasted for nothing.  I need to KNOW that what good I do really does go out to reach others like the ripples of a pond, and that people who benefit at the nucleus (meaning where I began to have the empathy and compassion to want to see them do well) are actually paying it forward themselves.

Believe me, Wankan Tanka has never, ever steered me in the wrong direction.  My questions will be these: Am I making a difference or not. If so, I don’t see it.   Is anything I am doing to help changing a single life for the better here?  If not, where do I need to be?  Better yet, is there something I need to change?  Hopefully when I come down, I’ll have those answers.   2012 is going to be a good year for me. I just need to figure this out for now, so I’m going back to my cave for the night.  I wonder what the Universe is going to send my way this time?   Hopefully I will gain some fresh inspiration.