When There is No Justice, There Are Tears Without End

Today I am charged with writing something about my best friend.  This is the hardest post I ever had to write. Why? Because she is dead. She has been dead for years, but in high school she was my best friend. She knew everything about me and never shared it with anyone.  To this day I  still wonder why her killers got off with only a 7 year sentence when it was clearly premeditated murder. Had I been able to attend the trial,  I would have raised hell to the media about how HER character was put on trial rather than the actions of the bitch that pumped the bullets into her body.  She was lured out to a desolate road, shot and left for dead. The last conversation I had with her, we talked about my boys and such. Then she said she had to go to meet someone. That was the last time we ever spoke.

So what ended up happening? To make a long story short, they didn’t find the deposit. I guess they were high on drugs or something because they tore the rest of the car apart looking for it from what I am told. So what is there to say? My memories were of good, clean juvenile fun we had and a few in-depth discussions. Ironically I never met her father until well after she died.  She and I would talk for hours on the phone just BS’ing.  He remembered that. I remember the pain in his eyes. I remember seeing his tears fall as he relayed to me his thoughts about losing his only daughter.  Losing a child is a pain I can relate to, only I lost mine due to troubled pregnancies.

And as my eyes are now welling up, I can say no more–except this and that hope she is at peace, even though she got NO justice. Here is part of a song I wrote for her…Her name is Leslie.

“Childhood Friend”

“..Childhood Friend…Why have you gone out to play in all the rain, again?

Leaving me alone, your memory to defend to the end.

God it hurts so bad but I miss my childhood friend…”

I cannot write anymore.  I still miss her after all these years. I guess you can tell just from what I wrote above where the 2nd line came from…But she is dead and cannot defend herself. The person I knew is not the one the defense lawyer for these murderers tried to portray. That I do know and will go to my grave knowing it. I can tell you this…Not once did she ever try to offer me drugs of any kind–which is what the defense for these ass clowns tried to say she was doing in her free time to make THEM look a little better, I guess.  Given my childhood, which most who know me personally are aware of–if she were offering anyone drugs I would have been a prime candidate for self-medication back then just to escape the bull crap that went on in my life.

RIP Leslie…I still miss you, kid…

I also have an aunt who was murdered…They never found who did that either…Either way, Leslie got no justice and my aunt’s killers are out there and it sucks.

A Question Most Who Engage in this Will NOT Answer…

Why is it when a celebrity dies, there is some sort of envy that they were ever famous?  Better yet why do people feel the need to bring attention to themselves by slamming the fans who are grieving or putting posts up about who or what they feel focus should be on? Seriously…People need to get off of that self-elevating crap  because that is exactly what it is. It is not about anyone who died, it is about anyone who wants to bring attention to themselves by bashing those who are expressing sympathy for the celebrities‘ families and such.

This part is for those who feel the need to engage in such behavior in social media:  Look, if you don’t want celebrity status that is your choice. You chose your life path, and you are simply jealous of their recognition so you try to bring some to yourself by bashing them. They earned their status and whatever else came their way. If you are jealous of that, it is you that has the problem, not the celebrity (or late celebrity).  It doesn’t garner you much respect either. Either way, the fans identify with the celebrity they are grieving because they come into their homes or into the theaters and are visible to them. If they are musicians, they hear their words that touch their lives daily.

YOU want them to grieve the invisible–the ones they don’t see, but yet you seem to have a connection with. This is especially true when people post about troops that died on a celebrity death thread. That doesn’t mean the fans feel no regret for the loss of anyone–especially a soldier, sailor, airman, etc…But you have no right to tell anyone how they should feel or how they should express grief–let alone WHO they should grieve at any given time. You have no right to try to lay a guilt trip on them for your own pleasure either.

IF you want to grieve someone, put up your own tributes and leave the fans of the celebrities alone. You don’t help yourself by bashing them, belittling or bullying them either.  They are entitled to what they feel as are you.

For those wondering what the heck I am talking about, THIS appeared on FB the other day:

This is one example of what people will create to bring attention to themselves and cause crap...

This is one example of what people will create to bring attention to themselves and cause crap…The chances are, the person who created this didn’t know who Paul Walker or Roger Rodas were, but used this to bash fans with because he/she had nothing better to do with his/her time.

And just so everyone is aware, I have seen condolences posted toward both families on twitter, FaceBook and elsewhere…This behavior is inexcusable and immature–period.

The bottom line is that when anyone dies, they leave friends, family, co-workers and in the case of celebrities, a lot of fans and colleagues behind.  They are entitled to grieve in any way they see fit and if the people making such posts have a problem with that, they need to find another way to channel their negative energy or simply get quiet.

Then again, I am sure they will continue to engage in such behavior because it is far easier to bully a group from behind a keyboard than it is to say it to their faces, isn’t it?

That’s How You Left Me

Everything fades into a blindness

from lights within my mind

and all I can see is what is left here

memories of our time

with mourning shades the cloud

lingers on and still I wait here…

Not that you would care

but all I see is all that is dead

but you’re still there…

And yet wonder why it is you left me waiting

for a sign that never comes

And all I know is that I’m empty

A space is all that remains

of where my heart should be

It’s been that way

that’s how you left me…

The pictures will fade in time from my memory

as I grow old alone

and all I do know is that I once had a place

That I dared call my home.

But all that remains are faded pictures

since that’s now turned to dust

And all I can see there is

what has come of love and trust.

And yet I’ll wonder why it is you left me waiting

for a sign that never comes

And all I’ll  know is that I’m empty

with the rising of the sun

while I embrace the stars

that’s how you left me.

And all that’s left are dreams.

This Will Be an Interesting July 4th Week! “Monumental”, I’m Sure!

Once in a while a film comes along that makes one think about life before it is even released.  One such film being made is ‘Monumental’ which stars Gary Cairns II, Luke Albright, Agnes Olech, and Bill Oberst Jr.   It is being directed by Scott Hansen.

In this story, which is written by Gary Cairns and Luke Albright, two men embark on a cross-country journey to spread the ashes of Clayne’s mother (played by Gary) at various historical monuments she had dreams of visiting, but never got a chance to go to. Along the way, they encounter dangerous situations that lead them down an unexpected path.  This trip will be ANYTHING but normal.

Coming face to face with the possibility of losing my mother someday, this is one film that I am waiting to see. I am going to put two links here so that readers can check this out.  The first is to the Facebook page for the movie.  The 2nd will be to the indiegogo.com page.  The fund-raising part is over, but you can still see the interview clips there.  This movie is going to be good. It is going to be an open road journey where each character has to come face-to-face whatever they are dealing with inside.

I feel that it also falls in line with the spirit of July 4th being that Clayne’s mother had a passion for those monuments to which the cast and crew are traveling during the filming of this adventure.

Aside from that it is turning into a real adventure for these guys. They make videos and take photos of almost every place they visit and pay thanks to those who’ve been a part of their journey along the way.  In the process of filming, not only are these guys filming a fictional adventure of great value, but they are discovering that the American Spirit is alive and well in every place they visit–and have videos on the Facebook page of those places along the way! Be on the lookout for these guys! They may come to your town next! I’m surprised the Today Show or Ellen DeGeneres hasn’t caught up with them yet! This is a story worth sharing! Here is a pic of these guys for you so you all can watch for them!

Gary and Luke

Left: Gary Cairns II         Right: Luke Albright

 

In the meantime here is link 1 and if on FB, please click like and share:

https://www.facebook.com/monumentalmoviepage?fref=ts

And for the interview clips, go here:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/monumental

 

Nana’s Top Songs About Being “Broken”:

Sometimes songs depict various situations in life, or at least the emotions behind them.  Some are by artists of faith and others are not.  I know a lot of “broken” spirits right now. Some have lost partners. Some lost children. Some lost jobs and their homes, etc…Some lost their childhood. These are the top songs for various situations that can leave one “broken”.  Some are going to be more familiar than others–and some are a tribute to those who love the broken just as they are–or those who know they will find their way…And I threw one on here for those who are hypocritical enough to judge the broken, yet have never walked in their shoes. Enjoy–and grab your Kleenex if you are broken…At least you will know you are not alone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZt7J0iaUD0  Luka–Suzanne Vega

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6l1kpJ0x5k   Home Free–Wayne Watson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCZ1YteCv5M  “What It’s Like”–Everlast (dedicated to the hypocrites everywhere–they are as broken as those they victimize, I think…)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1QGnq9jUU0  “My Heart is Broken“–Evanescence

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM  “Beautiful”–Christina Aguilera

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miazVAj2PxA  “I Probably Wouldn’t Be This Way“–Leann Rimes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttggMJeUAo4  “When You Were Mine”–The Dixie Chicks

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saalGKY7ifU  “My Heart Will Go On”–Celine Dion

NOW FOR THE ONES THAT REALLY GET TO ME PERSONALLY:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_KhkXNF6-U  “Mr. Perfect”–Pink  (I love this song)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1GmxMTwUgs  “Angel”–Sara McLachlan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSjIz8oQuko  “Family Portrait”–from a girl’s perspective–parental break ups are hell. So is living in WW3.  I experienced the latter in a much different way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUfgAbFY4CA  “Wonderful”–Everclear  One of the best songs involving divorce from a kid’s perspective I have ever heard in my life. Parents should listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ7oqmikZDQ  “Untitled”–Simple Plan  This video accurately depicts how driving drunk destroys a family. Watch it…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7l98wiQx0s  “Broken”–Lindsey Haun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS91knuzoOA “Jeremy”–Pearl Jam   Sometimes children break to the point that they kill themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPG1n1B0Ydw  “Stay”–Sugarland   Sometimes it is the other woman who is the stronger one when she realizes it’s best to walk the hell away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gmgwx77osw&list=FL5P37z_TMECOYMgJMs0RE6w  “I Was Only 19“–Video from The Herds version of “I was only 19” with the music of the original by Redgum.  This is the very best song about PTSD I have ever heard and the video kicks ass.  This  is an Australian video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Je8mrb31D1g  “All That You Are”–The Goo Goo Dolls   AND if we have people in our lives who help us to reach this point, we’re damned lucky!

There…Pick and choose! Anyway these are a few of my favorite songs about various states of being.

 

31 August 1997 and 14 September 1982…Nana Wonders Who Can Remember…

 

Have you been asked where you were on that fateful night?  I have been asked and I remember it clearly, as if it happened yesterday.  I was standing in line at the checkout at Wal~Mart in Big Spring, TX when it was announced over the intercom that the woman we will always call “Princess Diana” was in a car accident.  A few hours later, her death would be announced.

Her death was not just a blow to her family and friends, but to an entire generation who could now look up to the monarchy in a different light than they had before.  When Charles and Diana married–a lot of us got up early or stayed up all  night to not miss it.  When the two princes were born, we welcomed them into our world as well as their family did.

Diana was also cool and could relate to a lot of our generation as well.  After all, she did get into a lot of the acts that were part of Live-Aid–including Duran Duran. It was through her that most realized that the monarchy are not politicians but they are people. They have feelings, desires, hurts like the rest of us.  I cut them slack then–but still avoided going to theaters and such.  I knew at that time that things were changing with the tide–slowly.

Many a girl wanted to grow up and live the fairy tale life that Diana seemed to have, until it came to an end not too long before she was so cruelly taken from the world.  Was it the paparazzi that was to blame? Evidently even though only in part.  After her death, the reality of her existence was brought to light in an ugly fashion–and then a lot of us realized that while she inspired and motivated us to do good and to try to bring change around ourselves, we were grateful for what we had and we handled our own paths in our own way–which she was able to do before the end.

Perhaps the greatest legacy she leaves is that the monarchy is now more open with the public, and as a result has become more acceptable to it again.  Her brother was right–she will always be “the People’s Princess”…Only Princess Grace of Monaco inspired so many prior to her–this girl included.

She was beautiful and is greatly missed…RIP

Even my three sons felt sad at Diana’s death and got up to watch her memorial service. Their hearts went out to William and Harry, who are very close in age to them. One night they thought that I was in an accident after that and saw a car like mine on the news. They ran up to me and hugged me and were saying, “Why didn’t you call us!? We thought you were in that wreck?!”, etc…This was another moment  I got some perspective and made sure I had a cell phone…

Both women learned to live on their own terms within the circles which they dealt with.  Both were taken much too soon.  On September 14th, that will mark the 3oth anniversary of the loss of Princess Grace…Ironically, I was watching TV when the program was interrupted to announce her death.  It seems that both were lost such a short time ago.  Time definitely does fly, but it has also enabled me to put things in perspective.

So many little girls looked up to Princess Grace…I always thought this was the most beautiful wedding gown I’d ever seen…

Life is too short and precious.  We should be living as these women did live–on their own terms.  That was the greatest inspiration given to me by both being that we still live in an age where in some areas, the desire to do this can make life difficult. I will live the rest of my life on my own terms.

I am grateful to have lived during a time where I was familiar with both princesses.

I think now there is another Queen girls look up to even though she isn’t spoken of much and that would be Queen Rania of  Jordan. This is a woman who actively and tirelessly works to ensure  that there are equal educational opportunities for boys and girls alike.  This often gets risky for her and her husband, King Abdullah II.  However, in the eyes of the west, I believe that they will become icons in our time.

If you really want some inspiration go here:  http://www.queenrania.jo/  I have no clue why she is not covered more by the media in this country.  It is not Jordan that we are at war with.  The goals she supports should be supported by educational organizations throughout the entire world.  Like these other two princesses, she lives on her own terms and she is definitely living in an area where that can be a challenge.

On this day I would normally be reflecting and missing Princess Diana and Princess Grace so much, but not this year…This woman, Queen Rania is giving hope and is a ray of light.  I wish her every success possible, and I am almost certain that both Princess Grace and Princess Diana would be supporting her goals if they were still among us.

This is Queen Rania Abdullah of Jordan and her husband, His Majesty King Abdullah. If you go to their website, you’ll see the work she is doing, and there is also a gallery with beautiful pictures of her family there. Seeing the work she is doing is inspiring and worthy of recognition around the world.

That being said, we should look forward and not dwell so much on what we cannot change. Queen Rania, I think, is also going to impact generations not only in Jordan but around the world.

 

Two Worlds….

I look in the mirror.  It is one world. It is like a picture of me.

The battle ensues–one of anger and one of apathy

another of love and another of  trust

still more rage…One of pain and one of sorrow

Then that of grief  and total indifference…

With all these wars, can any side win?

I think not.  In fact, I know not.

It may seem silly but it is all there-each facet

mentioning  two different worlds with the

duplicity in each facet as if it should matter

yet it doesn’t.  It just is.