Yeah…I’ve Been Quiet…

I haven’t posted in a while but I have been spending a lot of time reflecting on how I want to spend the rest of my life.  I managed to succeed in my first major goal of 2014 and paid off my car.  My grandson is about to turn 2.  Quite frankly today, I feel a bit on the old side. My joints have been killing me all day. Someone bashed my car on the driver side rear. My son took liquid nails for some strange reason, and put the red part back on the car and the light still works, but it just pisses me off that I just paid it off and someone screwed it up even worse. I hope the insurance doesn’t total it. I really don’t want another bloody car payment.

I truly long to go back to the Austin area–or even the coast. Well…I keep saying “One day I will.” but  at least I met one goal so far this year.  I see a lot of people with much to celebrate, but am reminded that in that same celebration, the struggle to keep afloat will follow.

My next goal is to be out of debt in 5 years. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I will.  I’m taking money from smaller debts and applying that to pay the next highest debt up. In other words, it’s a debt snowball. It does work. I also have to look at the idea that as I age, I may require care later on. Hopefully, I’ll not have to worry about it. I want to die in my sleep like my grandmother on Dad’s side did.

Yeah I know. It sounds depressing to be talking about this stuff but the fact of the matter is, I am not afraid of death or dying. I fear what I will leave behind, even though it doesn’t matter when one dies, something is always left unfinished. There is always a final “I love you” or something left unsaid.

That is why I tell my family I love them at the end of every conversation.  Between my anemia and other issues popping up as a result, I am making changes in my life.  First on my agenda is to get into a real place to live. I will not pay the rent in Midland and I will not part with my 15-year-old lab. I’ll live in my car first.

The rent is gouged to the point that it really pisses me off.  People are living in storage rooms. I had a customer tell me and another employee that there are areas in town that remind him of the movie “The Grapes of Wrath”. I never thought about it, but he’s right. Anyway, I look for more changes this year–big changes!

Anemia is a very serious thing…

The other day I had to go to the ER.  The staff was great. As usual, my dry wit kept them in stitches, until shit got serious.  I was walking around because sitting still is next to impossible for me and the doctor looked at me and said, “I don’t know how you’re walking right now.”   I said, “What to you mean?”  Then he said, “You need to go into the room. Your hemoglobin is at 5.  That’s not good.”

After asking him if I now qualify as an honorary cast member of the Walking Dead, I went back to the room and waited a bit.  I thought I’d get a shot and go home but I soon found out my condition is more complicated.

My body doesn’t absorb B12 from what I eat, so my body didn’t make enough healthy red blood cells. I got on the phone and found out from my mom that I was diagnosed with Pernicious Anemia as a kid. Well, I don’t remember much about my childhood but this stuff can get lethal–seriously.  Not getting enough B12 can lead to organ failure.  My condition was worsening and something had to be done.  The next thing I know, I got 2 pints of blood put into me.  I was also told that my iron was way too low even though I take iron so I have to up that dosage. My body doesn’t absorb that very well from food either.

On top of all of this, as it turned out, my excessive visit from Aunt Flo (as a dear friend calls it) was actually hemorrhaging.  However, I was right about ONE thing in all of this…I am NOT going through menopause yet.  For that, I did get a shot and it’s finally coming to a trickle and I was told it will stop it. Thank god…

Anyway, this weekend was an adventure I’d rather not relive so I am going to be very proactive from here on in. I really thought my fatigue was in my head and the cravings for ice were from the intense West TX heat…I learned the cravings for ice is a condition called “Pica” which is one of the symptoms of the anemia when it is getting very bad. My co-workers had also noticed my energy level was down and I was (in their words) “chalk-white” for some time. They had told me to slow down for a month now.

The moral of the story is, “Don’t assume anything is in your imagination. Most likely, it’s not. Take care of your body because you only have one life and to not take care of these things early is a wee bit on the insane side.”