Facts About Life: 101

I  have not been on a lot but if you think your life is going bad, you need to remember that there is someone out there somewhere who is having a worse go of it than you are. We have to find our own solutions to these dilemmas we go through.

Right or wrong, life is about learning. Once you become unteachable–than you are going to find that you are not only a little fish in a huge pond, but you will find yourself standing alone, stuck at the starting line instead of moving forward in this race called life. You can learn much from anyone around you, but you have to be willing to adapt and accept some changes along the way. If you cannot do this, you will not get very far down the track…

Think about it the next time someone tries to show you something you could do differently. Offering solutions is not designed to hold you back, it’s to help you toward your goal in the end. Change is something anyone has to consider from time to time. In fact we should embrace it, and not fear it, but to learn to adapt to it. If it is something that absolutely cannot work, then we should work together to change THAT, face the problems head-on and not run away. Don’t be closed to the idea of it. You are only hurting yourself if you do. This is lesson 101 in “Facts About Life”.

 

So the question is, how far are you willing to go? This is a new year–a new beginning. Do not let yourself get trapped inside the “box” thinking. Thinking outside of the box will actually help you–not hurt you.  It all goes back to a question I posed a few years ago to a colleague: “What kind of leader do you want to be?”  A good leader is always “teachable and willing to learn”.

People Who Complete Suicide Should Never Be Judged…

I had originally written this as a Face Book status, but decided to share it here as well. We never know what is going on in the mind of someone who dies this, but I do know this much, for whatever reason they could bear no more–and should not be judged by some standard set by those who have not walked a mile in that person’s shoes. That being said, here is what I posted:

” Those who commit suicide should not be judged. My stepmother completed suicide in Sept. of 1978. She had more going on than a lot of us knew. She was truly mentally ill. She had actually became the different personalities that possessed her. One of those personalities loved to point the same gun to my head that she shot herself with. THEN it hit me when a year or so passed that it could have been me. She also had problems so severe that she was medicating herself beyond belief. Not all people kill themselves over the same issues .When I came to understand the hell that mental illness can cause another human being as an adult, it became much easier to forgive her. As a child I was unable to understand the depth of her torment. Some people can hide their torment rather well by channeling it differently. It is too bad that many hide it well but never truly overcome it. We have lost many a great talent due to this. RIP Robin Williams. “

I am not saying that he suffered as my stepmother did (before anyone starts in on that idea). I am simply pointing out that no one ever truly knows the depth of suffering one who does this goes through at the time they complete the act.

I’ve heard people talk about those who commit suicide as being “selfish” and such.  That is farther from the truth than Earth is from Pluto. It is more accurate to say that  those who do this tend to seek a permanent solution to what could be a non-permanent problem.

I’m convinced if my stepmother had received treatment–proper treatment–she may be alive today. She could not overcome her illnesses and demons on her own, so she escaped the only way she could see to do so.

As for Robin Williams, he fought with his own demons for years. He also learned that he was suffering from a debilitating and potentially (and often) deadly illness. In my opinion taking his own life in his mind and in others who are now aware of this is anything BUT selfish. In fact, I feel that in his mind he was probably trying in his own way to not be a burden to others as his illness progressed. He chose the means and way to go, and completed the act.

Now that this has been revealed, I have asked myself, “If things ever came to that would I take my life?”

The answer is “No. I wouldn’t.”  Why? “Because I would never want my family to suffer the way I did after Judy took her own life.”

I also have some very good reasons to hang around and here is one of them:

Here’s the Lil’ Man–My grandson…And he just turned 2.

 

 

 

Kevin with Football

A Club Nobody Wants to Join…

I have been down for the past 2 days.  Depression over losing a child 28 years ago set in and it will pass, but what brought it on should not surprise anyone.  A friend of mine lost her daughter two days ago. She was waiting for a heart transplant. It is quite different to lose an older child but the pain is the same for us both.  We will never get to see our children’s “what might have been” and there will always be an empty space at the table.

For a while people seem empathetic and will listen to us. They will allow us to cry on their shoulders for a bit, but if they have never been in this unique club, there comes a day when they stop listening and we are left to deal with the wreckage alone. They do not know how to deal with our pain so they say things like, “You need to get over it.” or “You need to come back to the living.’  Well god forbid they ever have to join the membership of this club because then they will know the reality of the situation. Some even go so far as to say “You can have another child.” OR “You have other children.” Excuse me, but NO CHILD replaces a lost child. One can have 10 more children after and they still mourn the one that is lost. Believe me…I KNOW this for a fact.

Every would-have-been birthday is greeted with the utmost dread.  Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc…is greeted with thoughts of “what might have been”. In short, losing a child is a pain we never recover from–we just learn to deal with it in our own way.  To this day I cannot attend funerals of children/babies.  It literally tears me to fucking  pieces and nobody understands why. It is simple–it brings up my pain that I am still dealing with after 28 years and I feel so bad for the other parent(s) because having been a long-standing member of this god forsaken club, I know what they are in for in the long run.

If you want to help or understand a grieving parent, try not saying anything. Just listen. Wipe our tears when they come. Whatever you do, don’t say things like those mentioned above. While well-meaning they actually cut like a bloody knife.  I apologize for my language earlier but I am NOT having a good day today. I don’t know if I will have a better one tomorrow either, but at least I have a pillow to cry on and can be there for my friend as she needs me.

 

A Question Most Who Engage in this Will NOT Answer…

Why is it when a celebrity dies, there is some sort of envy that they were ever famous?  Better yet why do people feel the need to bring attention to themselves by slamming the fans who are grieving or putting posts up about who or what they feel focus should be on? Seriously…People need to get off of that self-elevating crap  because that is exactly what it is. It is not about anyone who died, it is about anyone who wants to bring attention to themselves by bashing those who are expressing sympathy for the celebrities‘ families and such.

This part is for those who feel the need to engage in such behavior in social media:  Look, if you don’t want celebrity status that is your choice. You chose your life path, and you are simply jealous of their recognition so you try to bring some to yourself by bashing them. They earned their status and whatever else came their way. If you are jealous of that, it is you that has the problem, not the celebrity (or late celebrity).  It doesn’t garner you much respect either. Either way, the fans identify with the celebrity they are grieving because they come into their homes or into the theaters and are visible to them. If they are musicians, they hear their words that touch their lives daily.

YOU want them to grieve the invisible–the ones they don’t see, but yet you seem to have a connection with. This is especially true when people post about troops that died on a celebrity death thread. That doesn’t mean the fans feel no regret for the loss of anyone–especially a soldier, sailor, airman, etc…But you have no right to tell anyone how they should feel or how they should express grief–let alone WHO they should grieve at any given time. You have no right to try to lay a guilt trip on them for your own pleasure either.

IF you want to grieve someone, put up your own tributes and leave the fans of the celebrities alone. You don’t help yourself by bashing them, belittling or bullying them either.  They are entitled to what they feel as are you.

For those wondering what the heck I am talking about, THIS appeared on FB the other day:

This is one example of what people will create to bring attention to themselves and cause crap...

This is one example of what people will create to bring attention to themselves and cause crap…The chances are, the person who created this didn’t know who Paul Walker or Roger Rodas were, but used this to bash fans with because he/she had nothing better to do with his/her time.

And just so everyone is aware, I have seen condolences posted toward both families on twitter, FaceBook and elsewhere…This behavior is inexcusable and immature–period.

The bottom line is that when anyone dies, they leave friends, family, co-workers and in the case of celebrities, a lot of fans and colleagues behind.  They are entitled to grieve in any way they see fit and if the people making such posts have a problem with that, they need to find another way to channel their negative energy or simply get quiet.

Then again, I am sure they will continue to engage in such behavior because it is far easier to bully a group from behind a keyboard than it is to say it to their faces, isn’t it?

I Stand Alone Yet Not Alone

I am one alone. I walk my mountain in solitude, even as the approach of autumn means my birds and such are beginning to leave. It is in this place I am safe. It is in this place I am one with all that surrounds me and know that although I stand alone, I am not alone.  As the cool air blows through the trees which are about to enter their slumber, the Earth beneath my feet seems to energize my inner being by letting me know that no one has carved into her and marred her any further here–yet.  Hopefully no one ever will.

The foxes aren’t here right now. They seem to be staying in their own domiciles as of late.  Once in a while I see a few stray birds up in the sky of blue. I feel a sadness at their departure, but  with joy knowing that they will return in the Spring.  All is a reminder that the circle continues and will not end–even when the day comes that my life is over.

I hope to be by the Ocean again one day and far away. We shall see what awaits me, that is for certain. Have a great day.

From the Top

What beauty this all has for me!

rainbow

 

The Light Bulb in My Head Came On Today. That’s RARE on Mondays!

All of my life, I have been through various bouts of junk.  Now that I am 50, this has been one of my roughest years (physically) yet one of my most enjoyable.  Aside from the female issues that are also getting brought under control with medication, I am cancer free and my pernicious anemia is now “managed” to the point where I don’t feel so much of that crushing fatigue.  I still get light-headed from time to time but I simply slow down.

I realized today that some people really would like to go back to “yesteryear” and repeat their lives at various points, hoping to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.  With me, this is NOT the case.  I would never want to go back and redo any part of my life.   I think the life I have right now, despite having to write and “broadcast” from the TTRV, my life is full! I am enjoying it. Despite some family concerns, I know things are going to turn around.  I don’t know HOW I know it, but I do.

That being said, all I really need is one thing and that is “NOW”.  Think about that. IF we can’t change the past or alter the future, why the hell do we lose sleep over either?  Seriously people!  Yes it’s Monday, but I hope you all have a great day ahead!  Normally I dread Mondays but I am off today!

Within two weeks, I look forward to working toward my goals again–dropping the weight and getting back into shape!  I haven’t had a transfusion since July too!   Again, have a GREAT day!

 

Good News…

The biopsy was normal. No cancer.  I still don’t know why I kept hemorrhaging. I’m on medication now–progesterone. I will know after my doctor’s appointment today what is going to be done about this freaking huge cyst on my right ovary.  I still strongly urge anyone who is advised to have the biopsy to simply do it.

I had already discussed with my family what course I would take if cancer was involved. Surgery yes–chemotherapy no.  I know people who died more quickly from the chemotherapy than the disease itself–but it is not the rate toward the demise that made me say no–it was their suffering.  Besides, I prefer to let nature take it’s course.   I feel that radiation therapy is like “fighting fire with fire”–and in the case of this, had it come to fruition, it makes no sense to me.

I told my sons if I’m meant to live I’ll live. If meant to die, then chemo or radiation won’t change the outcome anyway.  That is just my view. Realistically, it isn’t that I have a death wish. I just feel that such invasive and painful treatments would be more of a burden to my family.

Now that I got that out in the open, I will update you when I get finished at the doctor’s office tomorrow. I am looking forward to two days with my grandson soon.  Life is good, no matter what hand I am dealt. I always manage and that is what counts.

 

Thoughts on the Tests…

I went to the doctor recently and had more tests ran–namely a pap smear and an Endometrial biopsy.  My sister had prepared me for the worst…I was quite prepared to go through an excruciating amount of pain, invent some new vernacular along the way and possibly come up flying off of the table fists swinging.

To understand my anxiety about this, watch this video…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmsRqr1rugU

I will say at this point, it was not as bad as it was made out to be but the speculum felt hot! They apologized for that. To be honest, all I felt was some pressure and that was IT.  I did feel some cramping afterward and my ibuprofen took care of that. That could be because of the fact my uterus is probably so inflamed, that wouldn’t make much difference.

I am now waiting for test results.  Guys, if your partner is avoiding having this done, get her to do it regardless.  It might save her life.  This is done a lot of the time to rule out cancers and such and it is not half as bad as she is thinking it will be.  All in all, it took about 5-10  minutes tops from prep to finish.

I’ll let you all know what the results show when I get them. Have a great evening!

 

I Am Taking a New Direction

I have decided to educate myself on women’s issues and go head to head with doctors and such that routinely prescribe and do hysterectomies for benign conditions. I am directly affected by this because a doctor told me (without doing ANY tests) that she was going to have to give me a hysterectomy. My response was, “I don’t think so. I’m not your guinea pig.” and I was not happy about “student doctors” observing it either.  Years ago that was the ONLY option available for women my age–the logic being that according to quacks who did this is, “Well at 50 you don’t need those organs anymore.”   This is a flat-out lie from the medical profession.

The truth is, once a hysterectomy is performed a woman’s risk for heart disease jumps to 70%.  Some women experience severe personality changes, including loss of maternal instinct and libido.  Forced menopause also causes issues and makes a woman more vulnerable because she can be more prone to fractures, prolapsed organs, increased incontinence (both urinary and bowel), etc…

These are risks I am not willing to take–especially since 15 doctors were arrested last month for routinely doing these to collect insurance money. The first doctor I went to is no exception. The nurses in the ER are no better. The thyroid and pituitary gland should ALWAYS be checked to see if there is some sort of imbalance.  A cyst can usually be taken care of with meds and minimal surgical procedures.

The archaic thinking that many of these doctors have needs to be strongly addressed. There are more options and more ways to deal with issues unique to the female anatomy.  Men, you should encourage your wives and significant others to seek alternatives because a hysterectomy can lead to a myriad of problems women are simply not informed about prior to the operation. I educated myself. I got informed.  I expect the same level of care and treatment that a 25-35 year old would get–and the same options. Anything else discriminates based on age.

IN fact, it should be required that hysterectomy should only be used as a last resort in ALL cases. where no cancer is involved.

For now that is all I have to say, but I will keep everyone posted on what I learn on my journey.

 

What Will it Take? Too Many Kids Die from This…

People need to watch this and PLEASE share it! So many kids die in hot cars…Having lost a child due to a miscarriage years ago, this made me cry buckets tonight. Get your Kleenex. People who are this careless make me angry to this day.  I know people who are struggling to have children who would never dream of doing this to ANY child. Maybe this will make a young mother think twice about locking her kid(s) in a car to just “run in for a few things”.

Many toddlers die from vehicular heat stroke,  people….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNDWN8KDVSM#at=370