A Simple Thing to Ask…

“…I have discovered that I am hated for being in the land in which my ancestors were sent to die. That is a sad revelation. Very sad indeed. However this is where I am from and this is the ground upon which I stand. Their blood ran through it and when I die, I will be one with it. To hate the land is to hate my blood. To hate my blood is to spit upon my ancestors. Spitting on one’s ancestors carries a special curse with it, I believe…When this circle completes, this will have been proven many times over, so please don’t profess to love me or be my friend and tell me you hate this land. If you hate the land, you hate the people–and I am one of those people…”(Journal Entry)

I wrote this some time back. I have now come to the realization that no matter what I say or what I do, someone is always going to hate me for it and/or bitch about it. However I block the bullies who try to coerce me into agreement with their stance on anything. Regional bias is another form of extreme hatred that is every bit as much of an ‘–ism” as racism or homophobia.  I come under attack quite often from both sides. For one, I believe abortion will always be legal so the question is, who should pay? Well I say not me since it is elective surgery. I wouldn’t want to pay for anyone to get their boobs made smaller because they were inconvenient pieces of tissue so why would I pay for that? As for gay marriage, let them marry. It’s not our job to do God’s job. Now that this is out-of-the-way, I got a lot of shit because I recently decided to support Ted Cruz.  Why?

MOST know I was living in a 3 BR house prior to September. I relocated to be closer to work, but was hoping to save on rent. However,  it actually increased.  NOW I had to choose between groceries, rent, car payments and such AND the medical insurance.  In an economy where most Americans are already strapped, I do NOT feel that this should be mandatory OR fines imposed for non-compliance.  In fact, if they are going to “steal” $99 or whatever it is from the Burger King worker’s paycheck , it should automatically be applied to the cost of the premium and a special plan be put into place to cover them.  Burger King employees are good examples for this. They are getting hit too. Anyway, this is theft, pure and simple and that is why I support Cruz.  I am not rich. I am not eating steak every night. All I want is the $250 out of my paycheck back.  To me it is thievery when they take from one group to give to another and then they raised the deductibles to a ridiculous level.  The people in charge right now are NOT Democrats. The last true Democrat was Ann Richards and she is gone.  I honestly think she’d have taken the same path Rick Perry took with this trash.

The mis-assumption for many Democrats is that it is only  people who are well off and white who want this thing abolished–unless they are lying to make race an issue of it, and that would not surprise me. Well if they call me white, they are racists themselves. I am part Comanche. I am not well off either. I live in an RV (rented) for now.  I do not make a huge amount of money and I am sick and tired of hearing Democrats tell me how well off I am when I have to rely on a  soup kitchen to eat dinner at least 3x a freaking week–even on my pay. I could lie and say I make $20 less a month than I do and get SNAP but I am not a liar and I will not steal. I’ll leave that to these Democrat politicians who seem to think that they are Robin Hood incarnate.  I will also be the first to remind them that Robin Hood was still a thief in the end–and if they really think that they are “Robin Hood” they need to be reminded that the “merry men and women of congress” will turn their backs on them when it hits the fan too.

The only ones who really do NOT have to worry about this thing are those who fall into that 2% that Gore keeps bitching about. How are they getting exempted from this crap?  Believe me they are. I am think that if it is good enough for us, the working people out here, then it is good enough for everyone else.

Subsidies? Please…That is an even bigger  joke.

I definitely think the 10 Senators whose seats are up for grabs next year figured it out.  They are begging Obama to fix the crap because their voters are giving them ultimatums! Gee, do you think Obama will listen to THEM and grant a 1 year individual extension on this crap? I don’t think so. He’ll let ’em go down with the ship.

SO now all I have is ONE question to ask.  IF we don’t agree why can’t we just all get along and work on what we DO agree on first, then duke it out over the other crap at election time? Hasn’t the government played that division card long enough?  THEY work for us–not the other way around.

Vulnerable Senate Democrats

 

UPDATE….I guess Obama is going to give individuals that one year extension the House Republicans were begging for prior to the shut down…Good idea but is it still kicking the can down the road and avoiding the inevitable? Better yet, which party will get credit for the idea? Gee…Seems like it would have paid off to negotiate with those repubs after all, huh Mr. Reid?  Ms. Pelosi?  What? I can’t hear you…However, we shall see if they were right, won’t we? Stay tuned…Same bat time, same bat channel!

Robin Hood Bores Me and I STILL Debate a Few Issues…

I’ll never understand it but the story of Robin Hood always bored the hell out of me. I am not sure why. However, although he was a thief who stole from the rich and gave to the poor, at the end of the day, he still took stuff that was not rightfully his and was still a thief.  If you stop and think long and hard about this, Bonnie and Clyde (yes the murdering outlaws) often did the same thing–and I think they were kept well hidden because of that fact by people in various towns until they were gunned down.

Now what’s the point? It’s this (and I’ll try to make it very simple).  For a while the people will love and admire such a person–until it begins to affect everyone and everything around them.  Then there is a demand for justice.

Now there are several versions of the Robin Hood tale–one most looked at says he was taking and giving back to the people what was “theirs”…Gee…Did whoever wrote Robin Hood create the concept of “redistributing wealth”?  If this is about perception, then different eras are going to read the story different ways.  In any reality, there is no way the number of poor were rightful owners of what he stole…How would he know what belonged to whom?  Seriously, if you want to get in a conversation starting a philosophical world of s**t, start with this!

The bottom line though is this–Robin Hood was STILL a thief himself.  There! I’m through being so bloody cranky today!

 

 

Farewell My Warrior

I stood up here again today.  I waited quietly for the sign or a word from you.  I felt so alone–isolated and unloved without you here.  I kept dwelling on why you were taken from me, weeping softly as the willow trees harmonized along with the wind.   It was then I felt the embrace of the South Wind.  The warmth of it made me aware of a presence I hadn’t noticed before.   I felt as if I were being embraced when I was asking why you were gone.  I looked to my right and saw a number of blue jays in a nearby try.  They didn’t move even if I moved closer, but kept watching me…

It was then I remembered something else–a story an old man in the village had told me about how the cardinals and blue jays watch over us at times.  I could almost hear you telling me that it was alright.  I could almost feel you wrap your arms around me in that wind.  Then the clouds started to blow in and a mist began to fall…I then heard the cry of the Eagle.  I knew the time to mourn would pass and that the Eagle would guide me to the point to where I could find you.

I began to walk further into the forest on that mountain and the rain began to fall.  I found a cave and went inside.  The storm grew worse, but I knew the Eagle guided me here for a reason. As the thunder roared and the rain quenched the thirst of the forest, I felt a slumber come over me.  I laid down on my jacket and closed my eyes.  I then walked through a field toward a magnificent lake.  The mountains there were much taller than here and had more green trees and beautiful flowers. It was there I saw the white stallion.  You once promised me that when I saw a white stallion, it would mean that I would go to another land, far away from the land of my tears.

I had little idea that when I arrived back home, a plane ticket to a place called Montana was waiting for me.  I guess that it is there that I will discover a new world–and a new life.  I did not know that I would be needed elsewhere, but you did.  You told me this long before I lost you.  I will go forth now and will shed no more tears.  This was meant to be.  What awaits me there, I am not sure, but I know that when you told me that I would leave here, I never thought that I would have to live this vision alone.  Until we meet again.  Farewell, my warrior.

The water behind the mountain ahead...

 

 

Reality #1: There Has to Be a Me…

At this moment you look in my eyes looking for an answer that you will not find

I left here so many moons ago knowing that I would now have to stand alone

and now you seem to have tracked me down though I didn’t want to be found

And what will you do when you find that you have lost the you that I knew?

You can’t run away from your lies for they are written in both of your eyes

and I can see the next lie is to be the one where you say you love me

but I know it’s a line that you play-that you’ve learned how to really convey

so I’ll walk toward a trail I know where no one else is allowed to go

It is there I find my soul is free far away from prying eyes for all to see

My shelter is in the very heart from the point of the comet’s start

and it hides me in every star above for in my universe is love

Though you’re not the one for me I know that I will first love me…

Before there ever is a we with one, there has to be a me…

Before there ever is a we with one, there has to be a me…

From me to you…

I hope that you all have a wonderful, Merry Christmas and a Happy and Joyous New Year!  It was with humility and grace that I got through 2011…It is probably how I will get through 2012, with another year of going to my mountain, changes coming along the way, and the blessing of becoming a grandparent. 

I know that for some of my friends there will be change and that good things are going to come to many of them…It’s just a gut feeling I have! 

Take care and enjoy your time with your friends and your families!  They are precious!

All I Really Need is NOW…

I have my heroine standing atop a cliff, the salt air filling her senses as she stares up at the moon–downing a bottle of gin.  She cannot escape the damned voices she hears. No amount of alcohol will enable her to break free.  She has no choice but to come to the realization that her life really has a purpose–NOW.  Besides that the one she is sent to help isn’t going to let her get away with this pity party she is on for very long.

And NOW he has the arduous task of convincing her that the voices she is hearing in her head are real and that he is also. Only he has to be careful with when and how he reveals the latter.  She already fears so many things, he knows that she would not know how to handle hearing the voice of a dead being who has a physical body that she can see and touch when some of these others leave her sleepless at night.  At least NOW he can step in somewhat to silence them so she doesn’t become ill.  Her emotions are fragile and he is fully aware that he must be careful at this point.

Psychologists were a regular part of her childhood, given that he didn’t have a clue as to block her from seeing his memories then, she saw what he had done and drew pictures of it.  The psychologists all thought she was blaming her father for not being there for her and made him the villain–rather than her mother–and that is why she drew the violent pictures from the time she was five.  Now it was up to the person who was following her and watching over her to change her perceptions of what was and what now is.

Their relationship began long before she was sent to boarding school.  It began the day she was born.  She could see and hear him even though he could not leave his crypt. But he cared for her  in her dream realm–where sunlight didn’t hurt him.  He taught her about History, Greek Mythology, numbers and languages, but she liked watching the birds.  By the age of 10 she was called a prodigy and her musical skills developed immensely. He thought he had gone mad from being unable to feed–but no…He would find out twenty-three years later that not only was she real, but she thought she imagined him all those years also.  She never remembers a face–only his shoes and she keeps looking at shoes. Another thing that puzzles him is that the closer they become,  the less he is affected by his curse.  However, she seems to become more frail as time progresses and they both get sucked into another realm at various points in this story.

And that’s just for starters…

My life is definitely changing.  I know I’m headed in a new direction as I evolve over time–then again, it’s a constant process, right?  I’m glad that I don’t have to worry over what happened before or what will happen tomorrow.  Just as change enters into my life, so it enters into the lives of my characters.  To say that a person can totally disassociate from their characters doesn’t seem to ring true with me.  I put my sons in a few characters.  I’ll see where the ride takes me.  It is as I said in my title, all I need is NOW.  This moment is what defines my day–not yesterday and certainly not  tomorrow.

The person I once was is dead so I had to have a bit of a “memorial” for her.   I know now that I can survive anything–and have for the most part. It is for that reason, I do not look for my validation from others.   I find that when I am up on my mountain, taking in the air and looking for miles into the horizon to figure out where I should go next.  However, I don’t worry about it.  I know things will fall into place.  What I need comes to me.  Just like with people I know, what they need comes to them–and if I can help them along a bit–I do so gladly.  That is one part of me that never changes…I am always trying to be “there” for those that need me and I have come across many, many good people in the past two and a half years that I am truly grateful for.

However there is one thing that never changes about me.  I stay behind and follow tracks.  I never run ahead.  I just feel safer that way so it is all fine.  I think it is better to finish the course and feel comfortable than to make a race of it and wipe out. I take the time to see, smell, hear and touch…I also try new food once in a while now.

And when I stress, I meditate upon things and get centered.  If still uneasy, I change my latitude and it miraculously changes my attitude into one of total gratitude–especially when by a body of water or a river. I love the sound of water lapping on shore or the sounds of a river, spring or creek flowing!  I also love watching and listening to birds.  Combine that with a good breeze blowing through the trees and I’m in heaven.

Sometimes I play in the rain, too.  You can think I’m crazy if you like, but I will not let the kid in me die. I am of the  opinion that once a person lets the kid inside of himself/herself die, then there is absolutely no joy in life.  With no joy, there is no life and anyone who has a problem with someone who is enjoying their life and constantly tries to change that person has a mental problem.  That is my take on that matter. Anyway, if there is no thunder, that means there is no lightning.  I haven’t been stricken dead yet either so I guess I know what I am doing to some extent.

Nothing beats being outside-even in the rain.  Becoming one with that water and breathing that fresh, clean smell afterward is more invigorating than a lot of things to me.  The rainbows that sometimes show up are the icing on the cake.   I always have a dream about someone with a paint horse inside of a rainbow.  He keeps talking and motioning for me to come his way and then it is  almost as if I am running a race to get there. I get close but he moves just far enough back to keep me curious–and trying to catch up. I wrote about that on another part of the blog here…

Other than that, I’m getting ready to get other stuff.  I really feel that it’s time to put in a jewelry order and a mind is a horrible thing to make up!  Have a great weekend!