I’ll Stay Single, Thank You Very Much…

When destined to be alone  it is totally best to revel in the solitude. In order to truly appreciate it, all I have to do is listen to all the couples I know when they fight over dumb crap and be glad that I don’t have to deal with their dilemmas.

I am very serious. Every couple I know either got together out of some sense of a need for a living arrangement or they got together because of outside pressures that “they’d be good for each other”. I am sorry but any relationship that is not based on a mutual attraction in the beginning that leads to some sort of pseudo commitment with no love  is nothing but a lie in the making and if there is any love whatsoever, it is usually one-sided. “Arrangements that make sense” are just not my thing. That’s a business arrangement not a relationship.

These are the same individuals who think my life is “broken” and needs “fixing”. No thank you. I spent over half my life married and have no desire to commit to anyone again.  I have no interest in meeting the person one thinks would be so “good for me” because in fact that is being based on what is good for THAT person engineering this whole thing in his or her own mind. To that I would say I am not you. I have my own needs and desires and if I go out with anyone it will be of my choosing, not yours. If that person is so good to you, then dump your significant other and go out with him yourself…I’m not interested. Capiche?  I feel like I’m being pimped out when someone tries to set me up like that and I totally detest it.

Every couple I know fights over money, or the fact that one has to work long hours to make the money to pay for that house or whatever the other person wants, but then they get mad because they feel they don’t get enough attention once the novelty wears off of the relationship. Relationships take work. I learned that a long time ago. After two strikes I’m not going for a 3rd. Unlike a contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” I know when to take what I’ve got and walk away. I’m not willing to kiss any more friggin’  frogs and I’m not looking for a prince because to me there is no such thing as real, romantic love. If there were, there wouldn’t be so many bloody divorces…

Here is the PERFECT singles ad for me if I were going to put one up: “Hey guys! If you are looking for a woman who looks like Cindy Crawford, cleans like Alice on “The Brady Bunch” and cooks like Julia Child, you are shit out of luck with me.”  At least I can say I am honest. I do not need anyone to “take care of me” and I certainly don’t need a partner to validate who I am.

So now you are dead to me…

You may be breathing, but you are dead to me.  Every lie that you sold makes me very afraid to open my heart, even though it is closed to you for good.  I worked my way through the muck and lies and got to the point to where I am somewhat content with my life, yet your ghost seems to be talking through some of the people I meet.  I hear the hooks you threw out when asked certain questions.  I can now see that like you, some of them are looking for an arrangement.  I don’t play that game anymore.  I really don’t need to be in a “relationship” to validate who the hell I am.  I don’t need a “security blanket” either.

As a result, life is good.  I rose from the ashes to discover my own way of expression.  As the blood runs hot in my veins and through to my pen, I have also found that I need nothing–not money–not power–nothing.  It all goes back to one song by Duran Duran.  “…Freedom puts my faith in none of the above…”

Have a nice life.  I truly hope that you are blessed.  I know that I am truly blessed now that you are only a dark page in a dark chapter of my personal History.  Right now I am content to stay on the page I am on.  It is blank and waiting for me to fill it. It will be filled–on my own terms and in my own way.  Goodbye to you…

With that, I close with this…I’d love to re-make this with an all female band–speeding up the rhythm and totally rocking this song out to the max!  This song just totally kicks ass.  There is also much truth in it, whereas I have yet to discover the truth in your lies…That being said, I am changing the phone number.  I don’t want to hear any more from our “mutual” friends who are also looking for an arrangement now that they know that I have kicked your ass to the curb.   That makes them pretty low on my priority list if you ask me.  After all, if they were YOUR friends, they wouldn’t be trying to put the make on me  knowing my sentiment on the matter, right?  Then again, the fact that they are YOUR friends only tells me that it doesn’t speak much to their character…Sorry but it’s true.

This is sort of like a divorce–only you can have the friends and line of work we were in. I want no part of it ever again.  I want no part of you either. Why? I had to lose myself in order to find myself again.  Once I did that, I realized that I didn’t need you and I certainly don’t need to “fit in” anywhere any longer. I call my shots and I admit my mistakes.  There is freedom in that also–but you will never know it because your whole life has always been nothing but one lie after another.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BP4GQPbn4Aw

 

I have a whole new attitude. For once it is MY life–and I’ll do whatever I damned well please with it.  I know that just kills you since you’ve got some of your friends “spying” on me again.

I originally wrote this in 201o.