Farewell My Warrior

I stood up here again today.  I waited quietly for the sign or a word from you.  I felt so alone–isolated and unloved without you here.  I kept dwelling on why you were taken from me, weeping softly as the willow trees harmonized along with the wind.   It was then I felt the embrace of the South Wind.  The warmth of it made me aware of a presence I hadn’t noticed before.   I felt as if I were being embraced when I was asking why you were gone.  I looked to my right and saw a number of blue jays in a nearby try.  They didn’t move even if I moved closer, but kept watching me…

It was then I remembered something else–a story an old man in the village had told me about how the cardinals and blue jays watch over us at times.  I could almost hear you telling me that it was alright.  I could almost feel you wrap your arms around me in that wind.  Then the clouds started to blow in and a mist began to fall…I then heard the cry of the Eagle.  I knew the time to mourn would pass and that the Eagle would guide me to the point to where I could find you.

I began to walk further into the forest on that mountain and the rain began to fall.  I found a cave and went inside.  The storm grew worse, but I knew the Eagle guided me here for a reason. As the thunder roared and the rain quenched the thirst of the forest, I felt a slumber come over me.  I laid down on my jacket and closed my eyes.  I then walked through a field toward a magnificent lake.  The mountains there were much taller than here and had more green trees and beautiful flowers. It was there I saw the white stallion.  You once promised me that when I saw a white stallion, it would mean that I would go to another land, far away from the land of my tears.

I had little idea that when I arrived back home, a plane ticket to a place called Montana was waiting for me.  I guess that it is there that I will discover a new world–and a new life.  I did not know that I would be needed elsewhere, but you did.  You told me this long before I lost you.  I will go forth now and will shed no more tears.  This was meant to be.  What awaits me there, I am not sure, but I know that when you told me that I would leave here, I never thought that I would have to live this vision alone.  Until we meet again.  Farewell, my warrior.

The water behind the mountain ahead...

 

 

Just an observation over decades…

In the 60’s, I had maid service, people cooking for me, and teaching me right from wrong…

In the 70’s I had school, working from the time I was a kid and developing my sense of right and wrong.

In the 80’s, I had college, my own sense of justice and of what was right and wrong–plus the belief that I was invincible…Then I had a family of my own and got a reality check.   Needless to say, I didn’t join a punk rock band like I threatened to do. I realized that it is up to me to take care of me and my family. That sort of happens when fathers leave the moms in the lurch–holding the bag.  Hubby #1 left me and my oldest for a teenager when my oldest son was 3 mos. old.  I married again two years later…Big mistake…I really learned that there is no such thing as a “prince”.  I forgave his one indiscretion.  I didn’t forgive the deceit that followed.  I came out stronger for leaving that situation.

In the 90’s I finished my degree.  I taught.  I left that field and became a corrections officer.  I used more of my teaching skills in that environment than I was ever allowed to use in a classroom.  Why?  Had to teach “social skills” and teach to a yearly test…NOT the curriculum.  At the prison, I did the same job for more pay because the young offenders who ended up there fell through the cracks.  I developed a new sense of justice and of reality.  Education needs to get back to educating…Seniors that cannot fill out a job application are proof that the system is failing.  More of them end up where I used to work.  That tells me the problems cannot all be laid at the feet of bad parenting when these offenders (many of them) cannot even read on 8th grade level.

In the 2000’s…I came across some insight that encouraged me to seek out things about my own Native American heritage.  I found peace as a result.  Life may not always be the way we would like for it to be, but there is a design for things being as they are.  I have learned that I don’t need anyone to “validate” who I am or to “pat my ego”.  Those are not things I can leave behind when I die.  However, the tracks I leave for my children and grandchildren to follow are things I can leave behind.  I only hope that some of what I impart to them aids them in this life–and that the peace I have found comes full circle to them and to those who have touched my life.  I have learned that there are many kinds of love and happiness.   I found that on my mountain.    I can always find solace there.  It is my hope that someday, people I know can find their own “sanctuary” and find their happiness there.  It has to come from within.  I have not found it anywhere else or with any other person–but I find it in the hills where the birds sing and the crickets talk.   I see it where the foxes play.

And in seeing that, I realized that I am free also.  We can learn much from animals and from our surroundings if we simply listen quietly.

If you blow this up, you'll see a baby fox standing perfectly still--blending in with the grass and such...Try it! He's there! If you look toward the cedar bush next to the prickly pear cactus you can see his ears sticking up just to the right!