Nana knows this much…

The woman never could understand why people search for that which is so hard to find unless they look within. No one needs to spend a fortune to seek these things out. One only needs to be willing to learn and experience it–and to be silent and listen. Each person must do this on his or her own–wherever their wings take them–and it is nothing to fear. And that person must patiently wait for the answer. Fear keeps many from finding their vision and sometimes looking for it through others can prevent it–especially if we become too dependent upon them. Others can guide us, but we must find our path ourselves, in our own way, in our own time. The process is part of the adventure, and it can be rewarding–and for her it has been.

I have my mountain to which I run to, and it is where I find my solace but I plan to go to Sedona, AZ or to Pecos, NM for a retreat at some point. There is strength in silence and beauty in places where nature can speak to us.  That being said, I hope you all have a great weekend.



Farewell My Warrior

I stood up here again today.  I waited quietly for the sign or a word from you.  I felt so alone–isolated and unloved without you here.  I kept dwelling on why you were taken from me, weeping softly as the willow trees harmonized along with the wind.   It was then I felt the embrace of the South Wind.  The warmth of it made me aware of a presence I hadn’t noticed before.   I felt as if I were being embraced when I was asking why you were gone.  I looked to my right and saw a number of blue jays in a nearby try.  They didn’t move even if I moved closer, but kept watching me…

It was then I remembered something else–a story an old man in the village had told me about how the cardinals and blue jays watch over us at times.  I could almost hear you telling me that it was alright.  I could almost feel you wrap your arms around me in that wind.  Then the clouds started to blow in and a mist began to fall…I then heard the cry of the Eagle.  I knew the time to mourn would pass and that the Eagle would guide me to the point to where I could find you.

I began to walk further into the forest on that mountain and the rain began to fall.  I found a cave and went inside.  The storm grew worse, but I knew the Eagle guided me here for a reason. As the thunder roared and the rain quenched the thirst of the forest, I felt a slumber come over me.  I laid down on my jacket and closed my eyes.  I then walked through a field toward a magnificent lake.  The mountains there were much taller than here and had more green trees and beautiful flowers. It was there I saw the white stallion.  You once promised me that when I saw a white stallion, it would mean that I would go to another land, far away from the land of my tears.

I had little idea that when I arrived back home, a plane ticket to a place called Montana was waiting for me.  I guess that it is there that I will discover a new world–and a new life.  I did not know that I would be needed elsewhere, but you did.  You told me this long before I lost you.  I will go forth now and will shed no more tears.  This was meant to be.  What awaits me there, I am not sure, but I know that when you told me that I would leave here, I never thought that I would have to live this vision alone.  Until we meet again.  Farewell, my warrior.

The water behind the mountain ahead...



The All-American “Nanahood”!

Someone welcomed  me to the All-American “Nanahood” today…As mentioned before, I am going to be a grandmother.  My mind flooded with emotion when we found that my baby, Kevin, is having his own baby–and it is a boy…He will arrive onto this troubled orb sometime around 27 July 2012.  I’ve looked at the significance of the date in History, and then decided I’ll wait until he gets here to deal with that post…However, I will let it be known now that I thank God he is not coming in November or December since those are the months that his father, his two uncles and I have birthdays and everyone is always freaking broke because Christmas is RIGHT AFTER!  ***I am rejoicing there! Seriously!***

Being that I have raised 3 sons, I can deal with this little guy fairly well!  He’s going to be raised on football, baseball, Shakespeare and Heavy me–I mean several genres of music. Above all, he will learn to watch the sky and know what the changes mean,  as well as how to hear the 4 winds.  He’ll know the differences between the birds. He will also know to thank the universe for what is given to him.  If we are ever by the ocean again, he’ll learn to watch the tides.   All of these things I learned, and more.  To those who do not understand this, it would seem to be useless but I have never been  harmed by tornadoes and such yet…NO weather man can predict the weather like this family can anyway.

Have a great week!

Rainbow Dream…

It eludes me, yet I pursue it.  I pursue it for the same reason the 3 wise men followed the Star of Bethlehem–according to what I was taught.  The rainbow I am pursuing has riches, but not gold.  It has many colors, but not all are visible.  All I know is I see it each time I close my weary eyes and know that it is getting closer to me.  I saw you in that rainbow yesterday.  You motioned for me to keep coming toward you, but  I wasn’t fast enough to reach you.

Yet I feel you as though you are bringing it to me.  Who are you that you keep telling me that my destiny lies with you and to keep trying?You keep telling me to have faith in myself and believe that I have received, but yet where is it?  What do you mean I already have this?  I do not understand and you still bid me to follow.  All I know is this:  You’re too congenial and peaceful to be perceived as a leprechaun.  You aren’t a wizard or a spirit trying to haunt me…So what are you?

When you are near, I feel peace.  I feel loved–but when I wake up, the real world is there for me with its cruel devices.  I protect my loved ones from this as much as possible.  And what is with the paint you are leading?  He’s a beautiful horse yet you never ride him. I don’t understand…He has a gentle disposition.   Both of you are wrapped in the colors of that rainbow–and when I reach for you both, you are too quick for me.  Please explain to me what this is to me?

I ask this again and you give me three words: “You are loved.”   Then it seems to be alright.  I think I know what this is now…I am dancing in a rainbow toward my destiny.  Somewhere you are out there waiting for me.  Fine…I will be there.  Eventually my speed will match yours and then I will be there beside you.

Circles and Feathers…

It amazes me how people can truly be, and being part Comanche I am amazed at some of the readings, films and such that are being put out by Native American film companies.  People constantly complain about how Hollywood doesn’t represent family values–but if one stops long enough to think about this,  what we see going on now in today’s schools and among today’s families has happened as part of the circles created by the rocks thrown into the pond of society by psychologists and “experts” since the late 1940’s.

Native  American Film companies do run on principles that are reality based and not grounded in the pop-psychology/New Age thinking.  Many show qualities of common sense and smashing of stereotypes–which I love.  I find it ironic that Hollywood will complain about how certain groups get typecast and such–when they do their own typecasting of people whose values do not line up with their own.  Hollywood is only a visual aid to what is going on in our nation, and what we have is one  bloody hell of a double-standard.

I do not believe in Hillary Clinton‘s idea of how it “takes a village” to raise a child.  It does take a family.  However, her idea is nothing new.  The villages have raised the kids for years.  For example, even in my younger years, if a neighbor had to get onto a kid in the neighborhood–the parents took charge.  Nobody liked giving a spanking, let alone receiving one, but I can assure you that I had a healthy dose of respect if my father, a retired USAF Master Sergeant.  nailed my ass to the wall.  Here is my point on that subject: People need to be careful of what they wish for because in any given era, nobody knows who is going to be running the bloody village–and it may be you they come after if your views do not line up with the views of those in charge.

The orbit of the planets, the repetition of History, reciprocated love (unconditional), etc…is all “circular.  The sun will rise in the East and set in the West.  The winds will blow over the planet in many directions–but these things are all going to be done in a circular fashion.  We are all born and we will all die.  Life and death are also circular…So where do the feathers come in?  Birds fly…They build their nests in circles–and will fly away from and return to them.  There are many things in life that are definitely circular, but when one spreads their wings and can fly unencumbered in life’s circle, then the feathers are most beautiful because that freedom is what they represent.

It does not  matter what lawmakers and politicians do because human beings operate on a law that is not on the books. The spirit of a human being is always free, and so is the mind–even in the most oppressive of regimes.  While I grew up in strict, restrictive settings, it did not mean that the ways that they used were always just or fair.  That is why I raised my children to be who they are–and now what others would like for them to be.  None of them are alike.  However, they are free to be who they are and I accept them as such.  I was accused of being “too liberal” with my parenting–but they have manners and they know how to act.  I think that if a parent teaches their kids not to lie, steal, murder, cheat and/or do drugs–they’ve done their job right–even if the children they raised turn into creatures they don’t really understand and (often) do not recognize.

It is important that they not blame themselves for whatever their grown children are doing.  Those children have to travel in their own circle and fly with their own feathers.  There are times when they crash, all we can do is dress their wounds–after they lick them and dress them, love them and tell them to pick themselves up by their bootstraps or bra straps and drive on.  Even when we are no longer with them, they can still follow our tracks that we’ve left behind to guide them along the way.

Love and acceptance are more of a part of the Native American culture than any other, I think.  They keep their word–even when those they trust fail to do so.  I am much the same way, but never realized how important this trait is.  Hollywood needs to pay more attention to some of the films being put out by the Native American Film industry.  I have seen more great films on lower budgets come out of these companies than some of the major studios in the past ten years–and that is because they do not need to use multi million dollar special effects to make an entertaining film…If you don’t believe me watch the films “Imprint” and “Smoke Signals“. Neither need special effects but “Smoke Signals” doesn’t deal with issues that really would need them.  The Native American film industry doesn’t sell crap to the public–they sell real stories–with realistic outcomes and substance–which is what I look for.

In seeking out my heritage, this is where my flight has led me–films like this.  Why pay so much to see crap in a theater?  Seriously–there are too many movies coming out that are designed strictly for the “Twilight” or “Pirates of the Caribbean” crowds–which are mainly teens and “tweens”.  If one wants intelligent movies anymore–this is where to look with a few exceptions…

This one is for “Smoke Signals”:

This one is for “Imprint”:

Now here is one of the exceptions that will be coming out–and it’s not Native American–but it will be worth watching:

Anything with either Sir Ben Kingsley or Ben Cross is worth the price of a movie ticket…These two actors do NOT make trash movies.  I cannot say the same for a lot of others now-days.  Pick any movie either has been in–and you get intelligent work…People might complain about some of the writing in some of Ben Cross’s movies–but they NEVER bash his acting.  He knows what his audience wants–just like Kingsley does.  This movie will deliver–that much I do KNOW! I’d pay double for anything that comes out with that guy in it.  Just so people can understand where I am coming from, I’d rather see one low-budget movie with a good actor or actress that knows his or her s*** than a high budget flick with absolutely NO substance…Does “Tron” ring a bell here? I’m glad I skipped it….Students warned me about it.  I saw it later via a friend…The students were right.

Anyway, I hope you all have a wonderful week.   I’ve flown around this circle enough for one night and it’s time to take care of my delicate feathers!


The mountain I walk on is my oasis in a desert in more ways than one. However, when I travel, I always find a new mountain. We all have to have our “sanctuary” and mine is usually outside because I stayed inside and away from people for so long. Remember that scene in “The Shawshank Redemption” where Tim Robbins is standing in the rain with his arms outstretched? That’s what happened with me when I changed my path last year, and rejoined the human race.

I had a deep seated fear of allowing myself to become involved with life in general, and was dangerously close to becoming a total recluse again. Nothing is better after spending so many years in prisons of other people’s design as a child (or of my own as an adult) than to stand outside among other people and know that there is freedom in walking among a crowd and not feeling isolated in it and forced to be there for other reasons.

Time is a precious gift–and it is best shared and not squandered.  If sharing mine makes a difference, and it is all that I can offer at the moment, then you are welcome to such as I have if we should ever meet one another. 

My current idea of "Heaven" at the moment...