Letter to Lil Man:

Dear Kevin D. (aka “Lil Man) Thomas:

You are a child who is blessed with a mother and father that love you.  When I held you in my arms the day you were born, it brought back memories of when I held your father in my arms.  Like your father before you, I knew you were a fighter with a strong spirit.  Even now, almost 7 months later, I can see the love in your eyes just as I saw it in his.  When you reach for your mother, in your eyes, you are reaching for your guardian angel.

I may not show my emotions much, but they are there.  I would lay down my life for you, your mother, your brother and sisters, your father and/or your uncles on any day of the week. That is how much I love you all.  One day you will know what I mean by that but for now I log that here.  Maybe one day, when you are old enough to read it, then you will understand that our blood runs deeper than the muddy waters of the Mississippi River and our ancestry is important–all sides of it so embrace it and learn about it.

While I am here, I will show you what I can, but the rest will be up to you one day.  May you walk in beauty.  May the road rise up to meet you and the wind be at your back as well.  Above all,  These are blessings from  2 parts of your ancestry–the Irish and the Native American. You must also learn of all of your ancestors for there are valuable things you can carry through life with you.  I do know that  a wise person will always find his or her way (from a Tanzanian proverb) and that is my hope for you–to find a way–YOUR way in life.  

Know who you are and where you come from. That is something nobody can ever take away from you. Above all, when you are older, live your life and go for your dreams. That is my hope for you.

With Love,

Nana

PS:  Sleep well, Lil Man…

phone 334

 

On a Lighter Note…

I need to lose 15 lbs…No seriously, I learned that while the south might use the term tea kettle for tea-pot,  there is a difference!  I also learned that there are people who DO make home-made cheese!   I am totally enthralled by this phenomenon.  I thought people stopped doing that decades ago!

I think it is simply terrific that people actually do this!

I am also grateful for all that has happened in my life.  I wouldn’t be where I am if it hadn’t been for all I have experienced.  More importantly, I am thankful for my family, my friends and my dog Buddy…

Each day we are on this orb, we should be grateful for what we do have. Even if in an emotional slump, I truly believe that there is always something we can be grateful for.

That being said, it is my wish that in the coming year, that all of my friends get what they desire–new jobs, homes, the babies to sleep the night through, or whatever…As for me I only want ONE thing and that is to be accepted 100% as I am.   I think if a person is working overtime to get me to change the way I am (or anyone else for that matter), then he or she should first invest in a mirror and start working on the person they see when they stand in front of  it. In fact, there is a good philosophy behind this particular song by Weezer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQHPYelqr0E&ob=av2e

Now you all know why I am taking my time with the guys.  I’m in no hurry…Individuality is the spice of life to me…If you cannot be comfortable in your own skin because you’re spending too much time worrying about someone else’s opinion and walking on eggshells to keep the peace–then it’s time to re-evaluate why you are where you are and make changes.  It worked for me…Have a great week!

Rainbow Dream…

It eludes me, yet I pursue it.  I pursue it for the same reason the 3 wise men followed the Star of Bethlehem–according to what I was taught.  The rainbow I am pursuing has riches, but not gold.  It has many colors, but not all are visible.  All I know is I see it each time I close my weary eyes and know that it is getting closer to me.  I saw you in that rainbow yesterday.  You motioned for me to keep coming toward you, but  I wasn’t fast enough to reach you.

Yet I feel you as though you are bringing it to me.  Who are you that you keep telling me that my destiny lies with you and to keep trying?You keep telling me to have faith in myself and believe that I have received, but yet where is it?  What do you mean I already have this?  I do not understand and you still bid me to follow.  All I know is this:  You’re too congenial and peaceful to be perceived as a leprechaun.  You aren’t a wizard or a spirit trying to haunt me…So what are you?

When you are near, I feel peace.  I feel loved–but when I wake up, the real world is there for me with its cruel devices.  I protect my loved ones from this as much as possible.  And what is with the paint you are leading?  He’s a beautiful horse yet you never ride him. I don’t understand…He has a gentle disposition.   Both of you are wrapped in the colors of that rainbow–and when I reach for you both, you are too quick for me.  Please explain to me what this is to me?

I ask this again and you give me three words: “You are loved.”   Then it seems to be alright.  I think I know what this is now…I am dancing in a rainbow toward my destiny.  Somewhere you are out there waiting for me.  Fine…I will be there.  Eventually my speed will match yours and then I will be there beside you.

I Really Believe that Black Elk’s Wisdom is Needed Now

The True Peace

The first peace, which is the most important,
is that which comes within the souls of people
when they realize their relationship,
their oneness, with the universe and all its powers,
and when they realize that at the center
of the universe dwells Wakan-Taka (the Great Spirit),
and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.
This is the real peace, and the others are but reflections of this.
The second peace is that which is made between two individuals,
and the third is that which is made between two nations.
But above all you should understand that there can never
be peace between nations until there is known that true peace,
which, as I have often said, is within the souls of men.

Black Elk, Oglala Sioux & Spiritual Leader (1863 – 1950)

This is probably one of the wisest men who ever lived.  I think it is time that people learned from the wisdom that he left behind. If they would, the world wouldn’t be destroying itself from within.  The origin of all the problems of this world lies within the heart of  each individual.  We must always look to “fix” ourselves before trying to right the rest of the world. Once done, there will be no need or desire to encroach into another’s realm.  Trying to “convert” the world will never work because the spirit of man will always be free and will never submit to the oppression of others–even if they have to talk to their creator in secret.  No individual or group will ever dominate the spirit of man because only the creator can decide the destiny of any individual.

Black Elk knew where freedom lies.  It lies within each of us.  I just thought I would share that.  The freedom to “be” can never be taken from anyone.  When we get into that quiet place to where we can each hear that small, still voice inside of ourselves and take direction from it, then will we be able to find what it is we need to do with our time–what is left of it.  Time is too short to squander, and very precious.  We must make the most of our existence while we are here.  Only what we impart to others determines the impact we have on the lives of those us.  That is why it is so important to work  on ourselves FIRST.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

Redemption

The mountain I walk on is my oasis in a desert in more ways than one. However, when I travel, I always find a new mountain. We all have to have our “sanctuary” and mine is usually outside because I stayed inside and away from people for so long. Remember that scene in “The Shawshank Redemption” where Tim Robbins is standing in the rain with his arms outstretched? That’s what happened with me when I changed my path last year, and rejoined the human race.

I had a deep seated fear of allowing myself to become involved with life in general, and was dangerously close to becoming a total recluse again. Nothing is better after spending so many years in prisons of other people’s design as a child (or of my own as an adult) than to stand outside among other people and know that there is freedom in walking among a crowd and not feeling isolated in it and forced to be there for other reasons.

Time is a precious gift–and it is best shared and not squandered.  If sharing mine makes a difference, and it is all that I can offer at the moment, then you are welcome to such as I have if we should ever meet one another. 

My current idea of "Heaven" at the moment...