Nanahood Philosophy…

I have reached the conclusion that the best legacy I can leave to my grandchildren is to do what you love, let the world know you love it, and never be afraid of what others think of it as long as you are satisfied with what you have chosen to do to leave your mark on the world. IN doing so, never look back with regrets because that is the one thing that can slow your progress. Move forward. Strive for excellence and never let others define your self-worth or decide your path for you. It is your life to live, not theirs. You have to own your mistakes as well as your achievements–and when you can do that and not blame others, it is easier to be at peace with yourself and the decisions you make.

I spent much of my life trying to make others happy, often at my own sacrifice. Those days have ended.  I walk my own path rather than that which was set for me.  It is my hope that my grandchildren will also do this.

That being said, I am considering a 6-12  month teaching assignment in China.  Whether or not I do this depends upon what happens at my job in the next few weeks.  I want to see the world. I want to share this with my grandchildren.  Nothing is impossible when you put your mind to it, right?  I fully intend to write about my experiences wherever I go, just as I used to do on this blog. I am going to return to the mountain in the morning to ponder this as well.

I have to do what I have to do. Hopefully things will work out here, but if they do not, I have other doors through which I can readily pass.  Nothing is impossible.  Have a  great weekend everyone!

 

There are more pics to come, but this little guy has really brought some light into my life!

All I Really Need is NOW…

I have my heroine standing atop a cliff, the salt air filling her senses as she stares up at the moon–downing a bottle of gin.  She cannot escape the damned voices she hears. No amount of alcohol will enable her to break free.  She has no choice but to come to the realization that her life really has a purpose–NOW.  Besides that the one she is sent to help isn’t going to let her get away with this pity party she is on for very long.

And NOW he has the arduous task of convincing her that the voices she is hearing in her head are real and that he is also. Only he has to be careful with when and how he reveals the latter.  She already fears so many things, he knows that she would not know how to handle hearing the voice of a dead being who has a physical body that she can see and touch when some of these others leave her sleepless at night.  At least NOW he can step in somewhat to silence them so she doesn’t become ill.  Her emotions are fragile and he is fully aware that he must be careful at this point.

Psychologists were a regular part of her childhood, given that he didn’t have a clue as to block her from seeing his memories then, she saw what he had done and drew pictures of it.  The psychologists all thought she was blaming her father for not being there for her and made him the villain–rather than her mother–and that is why she drew the violent pictures from the time she was five.  Now it was up to the person who was following her and watching over her to change her perceptions of what was and what now is.

Their relationship began long before she was sent to boarding school.  It began the day she was born.  She could see and hear him even though he could not leave his crypt. But he cared for her  in her dream realm–where sunlight didn’t hurt him.  He taught her about History, Greek Mythology, numbers and languages, but she liked watching the birds.  By the age of 10 she was called a prodigy and her musical skills developed immensely. He thought he had gone mad from being unable to feed–but no…He would find out twenty-three years later that not only was she real, but she thought she imagined him all those years also.  She never remembers a face–only his shoes and she keeps looking at shoes. Another thing that puzzles him is that the closer they become,  the less he is affected by his curse.  However, she seems to become more frail as time progresses and they both get sucked into another realm at various points in this story.

And that’s just for starters…

My life is definitely changing.  I know I’m headed in a new direction as I evolve over time–then again, it’s a constant process, right?  I’m glad that I don’t have to worry over what happened before or what will happen tomorrow.  Just as change enters into my life, so it enters into the lives of my characters.  To say that a person can totally disassociate from their characters doesn’t seem to ring true with me.  I put my sons in a few characters.  I’ll see where the ride takes me.  It is as I said in my title, all I need is NOW.  This moment is what defines my day–not yesterday and certainly not  tomorrow.

The person I once was is dead so I had to have a bit of a “memorial” for her.   I know now that I can survive anything–and have for the most part. It is for that reason, I do not look for my validation from others.   I find that when I am up on my mountain, taking in the air and looking for miles into the horizon to figure out where I should go next.  However, I don’t worry about it.  I know things will fall into place.  What I need comes to me.  Just like with people I know, what they need comes to them–and if I can help them along a bit–I do so gladly.  That is one part of me that never changes…I am always trying to be “there” for those that need me and I have come across many, many good people in the past two and a half years that I am truly grateful for.

However there is one thing that never changes about me.  I stay behind and follow tracks.  I never run ahead.  I just feel safer that way so it is all fine.  I think it is better to finish the course and feel comfortable than to make a race of it and wipe out. I take the time to see, smell, hear and touch…I also try new food once in a while now.

And when I stress, I meditate upon things and get centered.  If still uneasy, I change my latitude and it miraculously changes my attitude into one of total gratitude–especially when by a body of water or a river. I love the sound of water lapping on shore or the sounds of a river, spring or creek flowing!  I also love watching and listening to birds.  Combine that with a good breeze blowing through the trees and I’m in heaven.

Sometimes I play in the rain, too.  You can think I’m crazy if you like, but I will not let the kid in me die. I am of the  opinion that once a person lets the kid inside of himself/herself die, then there is absolutely no joy in life.  With no joy, there is no life and anyone who has a problem with someone who is enjoying their life and constantly tries to change that person has a mental problem.  That is my take on that matter. Anyway, if there is no thunder, that means there is no lightning.  I haven’t been stricken dead yet either so I guess I know what I am doing to some extent.

Nothing beats being outside-even in the rain.  Becoming one with that water and breathing that fresh, clean smell afterward is more invigorating than a lot of things to me.  The rainbows that sometimes show up are the icing on the cake.   I always have a dream about someone with a paint horse inside of a rainbow.  He keeps talking and motioning for me to come his way and then it is  almost as if I am running a race to get there. I get close but he moves just far enough back to keep me curious–and trying to catch up. I wrote about that on another part of the blog here…

Other than that, I’m getting ready to get other stuff.  I really feel that it’s time to put in a jewelry order and a mind is a horrible thing to make up!  Have a great weekend!

Reflections II

While most who know me know I still have a few days in the year where I become totally anti-social and complaining about everything from romantic love being a myth on those days (among other things) to borderline total recluse again, I have come a long way in the past 2 1/2 years.  It started with this blog…

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2009/anecdotes-observations/a-short-story-about-karma-2

From there I read “the Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, which you can get here:  http://www.amazon.com/Alchemist-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0061122416/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313791433&sr=1-1   or here:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/alchemist-paulo-coelho/1100248293?ean=9780061122415&itm=1&usri=the%2balchemist

You can also get this on a nook download, and the B&N nook downloads also work on Pandigital readers. I know. I have one.

Dr. Wayne Dyer also has a movie out called “The Shift“.  It is well worth watching also.  It has a lot of truth in here pertinent to what I am saying.

Every door through which we pass is not an ending.  It is always a change of direction–but this can be more of an opportunity, whether it be to learn and grow, or to move into something totally different from what you are doing now. If you start viewing things in this light, then losing the job isn’t such a bad thing.  I walked away from being a correctional sergeant due to all the corruption and the fact that the cliques run my old unit than anything else.

These “cliques” are most often ran by administration.  Once they run out of officers to gang up on (and do not think that this doesn’t happen, I saw it happen for years) they will go to their house and eat their own young.  If they have no kids, they’ll eat their pets…Anyway, that is not what I want to focus on.  People like that are like the snake that beheads itself by eating itself from the tail upward until there is nothing left.

Now if you are in a situation like that, you should never be of a train of thought that there is nowhere else to turn to and/or nowhere  else to go…As I said, where one door closes, another opens.  It always works that way–if you allow it to.  Instead of saying, “Okay…I got laid off (fired, demoted, etc…). Turn that thought around.  This is not new-agey…It works.  Just say to yourself, “A new job is there…” and don’t waste time dwelling on the one just lost.  Just start hitting the pavement and fill out the applications, send out the resumes or whatever, but believe that job is there.  Check back within a week to ensure that they have the “correct contact information” for you on file.  That’s also a good way to let an employer know that you are actually wanting to work and not just fulfilling a requirement for some agency such as The Department of Human Services to receive TANF, Food Stamps or whatever.  You cannot just fill things out, drop them off and leave it.  You’ll never get called back that way.  Always show that you are earnest as well as confident–but don’t be pushy.  Just smile–YES SMILE and show a positive attitude.

I also feel that this is another good book to get your hands on…”How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie…Get it at a used book place because it’s cheap there.   If nothing else, begin to work on your own “self-image“…How do YOU see yourself?  Smile.  It does help.  Nine times out of ten, it is not anything that you are doing or saying preventing you from getting that job, but how you see yourself.  Believe it or not, if you feel negatively about your own self-image, that is what you will project to an employer.

Here is one more thing I suggest you do whether you are male or female:  Dress up dammit!  Seriously! Dress up and go someplace–even if it’s to a restaurant just for a cup of coffee and read a book.  If you make a habit of dressing up, even if out of work, you will eventually carry yourself in such a way that people will see confidence in you…So that is two things you need to have energy-wise coming from inside of your inner-self:  Confidence and positive attitude.  They go hand in hand.

I have a job and I am quite happy with it.  I did not like the person I was becoming while working at the prison.  I was skeptical, trusting absolutely NOBODY and didn’t want to be around anyone when I got off of work.   I was sinking back into a reclusive lifestyle and I knew I had to change from that.  Do I have days that I still wish to be left alone? Definitely.  We all do.  Do I have days where I am tempted to go right back into shutting everybody out?  Yes…What stops me?  The fact that that link Lauren has got me to thinking about something besides the junk I had to experience.

This life is not about what YOU gain or take with you…No…It’s about what you can give back.  That is what I’ve learned so far in my life in the past two years and it was the first link I shared with you that convinced me that there had to be “more than this” while I was working in that prison–while building a new cage for myself.    Have a great weekend!  I hope that this helps in some way because I know it worked for me.