I Am Taking a New Direction

I have decided to educate myself on women’s issues and go head to head with doctors and such that routinely prescribe and do hysterectomies for benign conditions. I am directly affected by this because a doctor told me (without doing ANY tests) that she was going to have to give me a hysterectomy. My response was, “I don’t think so. I’m not your guinea pig.” and I was not happy about “student doctors” observing it either.  Years ago that was the ONLY option available for women my age–the logic being that according to quacks who did this is, “Well at 50 you don’t need those organs anymore.”   This is a flat-out lie from the medical profession.

The truth is, once a hysterectomy is performed a woman’s risk for heart disease jumps to 70%.  Some women experience severe personality changes, including loss of maternal instinct and libido.  Forced menopause also causes issues and makes a woman more vulnerable because she can be more prone to fractures, prolapsed organs, increased incontinence (both urinary and bowel), etc…

These are risks I am not willing to take–especially since 15 doctors were arrested last month for routinely doing these to collect insurance money. The first doctor I went to is no exception. The nurses in the ER are no better. The thyroid and pituitary gland should ALWAYS be checked to see if there is some sort of imbalance.  A cyst can usually be taken care of with meds and minimal surgical procedures.

The archaic thinking that many of these doctors have needs to be strongly addressed. There are more options and more ways to deal with issues unique to the female anatomy.  Men, you should encourage your wives and significant others to seek alternatives because a hysterectomy can lead to a myriad of problems women are simply not informed about prior to the operation. I educated myself. I got informed.  I expect the same level of care and treatment that a 25-35 year old would get–and the same options. Anything else discriminates based on age.

IN fact, it should be required that hysterectomy should only be used as a last resort in ALL cases. where no cancer is involved.

For now that is all I have to say, but I will keep everyone posted on what I learn on my journey.

 

We ARE Mothers…

There are times I get really pissed at the way the medical profession and some magazine writers try to dehumanize the experience of a miscarriage.  One article said, “…We imagine ourselves as mothers…” Oh hell no! They did not just say that! I don’t care if it is a loss at six weeks or six months–I am still a mother who has lost my child–and my ex-husband is a father who lost his dammit!

Then they call it “products of conception” or “fetal tissue”.  All I can say to any medical professional who would use that type of terminology to a woman and her partner who has miscarried is a phrase not fit for this post so I won’t repeat it here.  I lost my child. When they acted as if I did not know what I was talking about, I switched doctors. If the difference between one mother’s child is that it was a wanted one and someone else’s was not, then save the terminology for the abortion clinics and read the frigging chart before you shoot your mouth off because if it is a mom in a very emotional state you are dealing with,  she might just come unglued on your ass…IN fact, I know several mothers who lost children who would. I know I would if I endured it AGAIN and was treated as if the being  carried inside of me was not worthy of being called a “human being” but relegated to being called “products of conception” or “tissue”.

NOTE: This post is NOT about abortion. However I think a lot of the people in the medical profession try to treat this  experience like one and that is what pisses me off.  Even the old term for it (if it is not in use now) was “spontaneous abortion“.  The experience of losing a wanted child is unique and personal and should be treated with the same care and compassion as losing a loved one would be treated had it been a stillbirth–including offering referrals to counseling for couples going through this. Support groups for grieving parents who have experienced this are amazing, I think. 

Losing a child is a gut wrenching, physically painful, horrible experience regardless of what stage of gestation and if people in medical profession are trying to help us by dehumanizing the experience, they are deluding themselves.  Those in psychology tend to do the same.  It is because of this lack of consideration for those of us who go through this that I am writing this.  I know there are places out there somewhere that don’t conduct themselves in such an android like fashion when dealing with that type of grief, and I would like to know where they are. I will gladly refer people to those from this blog. As of right now, our group is unique and in a class by itself. In short, we stand alone.

Now if you have family members going through this, just listen and show some empathy.  Don’t say things like “Well, you’ll have another one someday.” or “At least you know you’re capable of having a baby.”  These are very insensitive things to be saying and it is pure bullshit.  You will alienate anyone you say that to over time if you do this–especially if the event might have left them unable to conceive. Trust me. I’ve cut people off for this.  Why? Simple. One child will never replace another.  We don’t forget the pain of losing the ones we lost and I can tell you from personal experience that even after 27 years, there is still ONE empty space at my table I think about from time to time.  In short, if you want to keep your friend, and you are not sure what to say, just be quiet…PLEASE…

This was not the only miscarriage I had, but it is the one that stands out because it is my son’s fraternal twin. It is VERY rare to not lose both, but I didn’t lose Brian. They said two weeks later when I still had morning sickness and got into it with the nurses that it was all in my head and I was NOT pregnant…They were going to send me to a psychologist. I said get the test and we’ll settle it now–among a few other choice things…Voila! I was STILL pregnant with that one and they rushed to do a sonogram.  Brian’s sac was in tact but it was considered high risk because I lost the twin. It is also very, very rare to keep one twin after losing the other–especially as early as it was.

In short, if you don’t understand it, just be willing to listen and don’t say anything.  That’s really all we need is a listening ear and a good shoulder to cry on.  You don’t know if or when a couple will be able to have another child, so it’s best not to comment one way or another on THAT issue too.

 

The Third Time Around…***Childbirth Au Naturale***

Look…I am all for natural childbirth and such, but I am not about to put up with a bitchy nurse or CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) that thinks he or she is equal to a doctor.  Here is why.

On November 28, 1988, I went into labor with my 3rd son–Kevin.  My water broke.  After my husband came in, we went to the hospital.  First strike against “Nurse Ballbreaker”:  “Yes your water really broke.  Why didn’t you come in earlier?”

My response: “Get the doctor to ask me that.”

Hours go by after I was admitted.  I’m supposed to get the birthing room.  No way…Nurse Ballbreaker said that they didn’t have time to make it up after the Captain’s wife used it, but they had 8 hours to take turns hanging out at the nurse’s station gossiping between rounds.  I know this because a volunteer WAC told me about it.  By the way, this was at the Evans Army Community Hospital at Ft. Carson, CO.  If you are in the military, you’re better off giving birth in the barn rather than that place.  The  walls were some shade of OD green–which I detest as well.  The nurses were out of some type of time warp or something because they mostly wore all-white.  That was irritating as well.  Now they wear different colored smocks and such which is much easier on the mental state…They aren’t as intimidating.

Then I asked for the anesthesiologist–for HOURS.  “Well he’s tired and he’s been up all night. We can’t be calling him.” –per Nurse Ballbreaker.

Then the last straw came.  I knew Kevin was coming.  I was about to push.  She came in the room and instead of checking me she said, “Look , we can’t check you every time you feel like you want to push so you just need to breathe and deal with it!” she yelled.

My ex instinctively backed away from my bed.  “Look Bitch!,” I yelled, “Having a kid is like riding a f***ing bicycle! Once you’ve done it you don’t forget how so I suggest you get the mother f***ing doctor now!”

A female colonel entered my room almost immediately and asked, “Mrs. Thomas, what is going on?”  Nurse Ballbreaker tried to butt in but the colonel told her to be quiet.  She then put on a glove and checked me herself.  She looked at Nurse Ballbreaker and said, “She’s dilated and this baby is about to crown. Why the hell isn’t she on the delivery table, Nurse?!”

I swear to God that Nurse Ballbreaker was reduced to sounding like Porky Pig when she said, “Well we thought–”

“We’ll talk later.” the doctor said.  The doctor made her leave the area and got another nurse.  This nurse was very nice.  She told me not to push until I was told to and walked with me through the breathing bit.  I think my ex was traumatized by the encounter with Nurse Ballbreaker so he just held my hand.  The doctor was NOT happy with where Nurse Ballbreaker inserted my I. V. either.  She said once Kevin was born and after four hours, they’d remove it and not restart it.

In between contractions, I was put on a gurney.  They wheeled me down the hall.  I felt the boy coming alright…Ballbreaker didn’t even get me a local!  We got next to the delivery table, the doctor raised the sheet just in time to put her hands out to catch Kevin–and he came in kicking, screaming and raising hell, too!  She looked at me and I said, “Tell that bitch nurse I said “I told you so, will you?” and the doctor smiled and said, “She won’t be bothering anyone on my ward again.”

The next night a WAC (volunteer retired Army Nurse) came into my room and kept giggling. I asked her what was up.  She smiled, “Mrs. Thomas, that nurse you chewed out last night is in the geriatric ward now.  That colonel chewed her ass up one end of the ward and down the other after she had to deal with that delivery.  They didn’t have time to do an incision to keep you from tearing because of her.”

“Well the bitch is lucky I didn’t tear anywhere but down the old scar about a half an inch.  I’d have her ass right now.” I told her.

That WAC and said, “Yeah…When the colonel finished with her, the director got her again.”

Well, I can say this much, I have truly experienced natural childbirth but I humbly apologize to all the taxpayers now if they footed a bill for a birthing room and for anesthesia that was never even utilized in 1988!  I used to ditch lab slips for tests I knew I didn’t need–like that damned Rh Titer one  when both my ex and I were Rh+.  They didn’t like that either, but I don’t think taxpayers should be paying for unnecessary shit and will not deal with that.  Have a great week!  😀  Oh, by the way, he was born AFTER midnight so he was born ON November 29, 1988…