Another Empty Space…

Everywhere I look for you an empty space is there…Whether it’s the empty living room spot where you might appear, or your place in my new home where you should be…I would give anything to hear your voice one more time right now.  Years ago I saw you for the last time, and my love for you stands to this day.

I believe a lot of people try to fill their empty spaces with many, many things…

Some use relationships–but I don’t need a romantic interest to validate who I am.

Some use alcohol, which numbs the pain, but that space they long to fill is still empty.

Some use drugs, yet the pain is always there–only seeming to be more intensified.

Some use holy roads, but there are so many to choose from, so I wonder if there is a ‘right’ one at times.

Some use power, but that is because they lost their way, and the space is never filled.

Some use money, but it will not buy anything fit to fill that vacancy left in the wake of your going.

Some use possessions, as if one thing can truly replace the spirit that once inhabited that space.

I choose to reserve that space. Even if it remains unfilled, for it is not as though anything else could replace you.

Freedom puts my faith in what you left behind, and believe me, that legacy is a rich one.

Wisdom does dictate that I can create a new space for a new entity–but the Universe would really need to move a bit.

 

Have a great week!

 

The Aurora Borealis appeared in Nebraska in 2006….It is one of the wonders I wish to see!

Reality #1: There Has to Be a Me…

At this moment you look in my eyes looking for an answer that you will not find

I left here so many moons ago knowing that I would now have to stand alone

and now you seem to have tracked me down though I didn’t want to be found

And what will you do when you find that you have lost the you that I knew?

You can’t run away from your lies for they are written in both of your eyes

and I can see the next lie is to be the one where you say you love me

but I know it’s a line that you play-that you’ve learned how to really convey

so I’ll walk toward a trail I know where no one else is allowed to go

It is there I find my soul is free far away from prying eyes for all to see

My shelter is in the very heart from the point of the comet’s start

and it hides me in every star above for in my universe is love

Though you’re not the one for me I know that I will first love me…

Before there ever is a we with one, there has to be a me…

Before there ever is a we with one, there has to be a me…

On a Lighter Note…

I need to lose 15 lbs…No seriously, I learned that while the south might use the term tea kettle for tea-pot,  there is a difference!  I also learned that there are people who DO make home-made cheese!   I am totally enthralled by this phenomenon.  I thought people stopped doing that decades ago!

I think it is simply terrific that people actually do this!

I am also grateful for all that has happened in my life.  I wouldn’t be where I am if it hadn’t been for all I have experienced.  More importantly, I am thankful for my family, my friends and my dog Buddy…

Each day we are on this orb, we should be grateful for what we do have. Even if in an emotional slump, I truly believe that there is always something we can be grateful for.

That being said, it is my wish that in the coming year, that all of my friends get what they desire–new jobs, homes, the babies to sleep the night through, or whatever…As for me I only want ONE thing and that is to be accepted 100% as I am.   I think if a person is working overtime to get me to change the way I am (or anyone else for that matter), then he or she should first invest in a mirror and start working on the person they see when they stand in front of  it. In fact, there is a good philosophy behind this particular song by Weezer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQHPYelqr0E&ob=av2e

Now you all know why I am taking my time with the guys.  I’m in no hurry…Individuality is the spice of life to me…If you cannot be comfortable in your own skin because you’re spending too much time worrying about someone else’s opinion and walking on eggshells to keep the peace–then it’s time to re-evaluate why you are where you are and make changes.  It worked for me…Have a great week!

You Lead the Way…

Please don’t be sad. You have much left ahead of you.  You give of your knowledge freely.  Why are you sad and depressed?  If your attitude is not what you’d like it to be where you are, change your latitude.  Yes you heard me.  Go elsewhere.  You must follow your spirit. If it bids you to leave you must leave–even if I want you to stay.  I would never confine you like that because to chain you would be to destroy you.

What? Come with you?  But I thought I stood in your way…You mean, you’ve actually thought this through?  It’s scary for me.  You are the vagabond.  You are the traveler. I’ve never done this before.  Are you certain that this is what you want?  I don’t understand.  What do you mean that I am the one who has been chained all this time?   I see.  We work as one.  We should move about as one unit.  Okay. You win.  I don’t know why I thought you were pulling away from me, when actually you were pulling me closer.

I guess we both must go where our spirits direct–together…However, you lead the way because I feel safer following in the tracks.

 

Reflections II

While most who know me know I still have a few days in the year where I become totally anti-social and complaining about everything from romantic love being a myth on those days (among other things) to borderline total recluse again, I have come a long way in the past 2 1/2 years.  It started with this blog…

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2009/anecdotes-observations/a-short-story-about-karma-2

From there I read “the Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, which you can get here:  http://www.amazon.com/Alchemist-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0061122416/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313791433&sr=1-1   or here:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/alchemist-paulo-coelho/1100248293?ean=9780061122415&itm=1&usri=the%2balchemist

You can also get this on a nook download, and the B&N nook downloads also work on Pandigital readers. I know. I have one.

Dr. Wayne Dyer also has a movie out called “The Shift“.  It is well worth watching also.  It has a lot of truth in here pertinent to what I am saying.

Every door through which we pass is not an ending.  It is always a change of direction–but this can be more of an opportunity, whether it be to learn and grow, or to move into something totally different from what you are doing now. If you start viewing things in this light, then losing the job isn’t such a bad thing.  I walked away from being a correctional sergeant due to all the corruption and the fact that the cliques run my old unit than anything else.

These “cliques” are most often ran by administration.  Once they run out of officers to gang up on (and do not think that this doesn’t happen, I saw it happen for years) they will go to their house and eat their own young.  If they have no kids, they’ll eat their pets…Anyway, that is not what I want to focus on.  People like that are like the snake that beheads itself by eating itself from the tail upward until there is nothing left.

Now if you are in a situation like that, you should never be of a train of thought that there is nowhere else to turn to and/or nowhere  else to go…As I said, where one door closes, another opens.  It always works that way–if you allow it to.  Instead of saying, “Okay…I got laid off (fired, demoted, etc…). Turn that thought around.  This is not new-agey…It works.  Just say to yourself, “A new job is there…” and don’t waste time dwelling on the one just lost.  Just start hitting the pavement and fill out the applications, send out the resumes or whatever, but believe that job is there.  Check back within a week to ensure that they have the “correct contact information” for you on file.  That’s also a good way to let an employer know that you are actually wanting to work and not just fulfilling a requirement for some agency such as The Department of Human Services to receive TANF, Food Stamps or whatever.  You cannot just fill things out, drop them off and leave it.  You’ll never get called back that way.  Always show that you are earnest as well as confident–but don’t be pushy.  Just smile–YES SMILE and show a positive attitude.

I also feel that this is another good book to get your hands on…”How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie…Get it at a used book place because it’s cheap there.   If nothing else, begin to work on your own “self-image“…How do YOU see yourself?  Smile.  It does help.  Nine times out of ten, it is not anything that you are doing or saying preventing you from getting that job, but how you see yourself.  Believe it or not, if you feel negatively about your own self-image, that is what you will project to an employer.

Here is one more thing I suggest you do whether you are male or female:  Dress up dammit!  Seriously! Dress up and go someplace–even if it’s to a restaurant just for a cup of coffee and read a book.  If you make a habit of dressing up, even if out of work, you will eventually carry yourself in such a way that people will see confidence in you…So that is two things you need to have energy-wise coming from inside of your inner-self:  Confidence and positive attitude.  They go hand in hand.

I have a job and I am quite happy with it.  I did not like the person I was becoming while working at the prison.  I was skeptical, trusting absolutely NOBODY and didn’t want to be around anyone when I got off of work.   I was sinking back into a reclusive lifestyle and I knew I had to change from that.  Do I have days that I still wish to be left alone? Definitely.  We all do.  Do I have days where I am tempted to go right back into shutting everybody out?  Yes…What stops me?  The fact that that link Lauren has got me to thinking about something besides the junk I had to experience.

This life is not about what YOU gain or take with you…No…It’s about what you can give back.  That is what I’ve learned so far in my life in the past two years and it was the first link I shared with you that convinced me that there had to be “more than this” while I was working in that prison–while building a new cage for myself.    Have a great weekend!  I hope that this helps in some way because I know it worked for me.

When your gut usually tells you to, it’s usually best to do so…

Did you ever have that feeling that you should take an opportunity, although it sounded like something that might not be your cup of tea (as in what you KNOW you can do)?  I have several times.  I have recently accepted a position as an assistant manager trainee.  I can work my way into full management within a year–which is a great opportunity with benefits.  I can do that job, so that is not the issue.  I know I could easily get an overseas job once my TESOL course is complete.  No problem…However something tells me that this is where I need to be for now.  Sometimes what you view as a lesser opportunity gives you an opportunity to learn and to grow.  This job  is already doing this.  I am learning to enjoy being “myself” again. 

I love teaching.  I love working with students so maybe this is my de-briefing from sergeant mode! Being a corrections sergeant caused me to “lose” that part of myself that allowed me to be a little more trusting.  At times this is a good thing.  At others, I often wonder.  Everything is starting to turn green outside, and I am usually greeted by a blue sky, a decent temperature and a wonderful walk on my mountain. It is those times I spend up there that I feel most energized afterwards. 

However I have another sanctuary I go to.  Check this out…I felt an urge to go there earlier and do some more reading…

Sanctuary #2--the one I never shared before...

 

I like sitting on that rock that’s over the water too.   This is just a place where I can go to get in touch with that part of myself I thought was lost–but is just sleeping from time to  time.  It is a part of my being that has lain dormant for too long in the cell I stuck it in for its own protection.  There are springs that feed into the pond here and the lake that follows beyond the earlier shot. 

This spring flows underground before going into sanctuary #2...I think it's neat!

Some of my ancestors were Comanches who rode along trails in W. Texas.  They knew how to navigate the various lakes and streams in what most of the early settlers thought was desert land.  They would follow these trails and the water supply all the way to Northeast Texas.  The pictures I am sharing in this post were taken at Comanche Trail Park in Big Spring, TX.  Between this place and the mountain, I can always get some “me time” in.   I will go up to the mountain again when I get off of work tomorrow because I want to get a picture of that fox that is running around up there!  However, this picture will have to do as far as the company I had:

In my best "Al Pacino voice" I'm saying to myself: "Say hello to my little friends! And next time remember to bring them some freakin' food!" 😀

 

I love feeding the ducks…I just forgot the food today!  There is also another trail right across from this that leads down to another part of the spring which feeds the lake…When one stands in the middle where the spring flows across the trail, it looks like one is walking on water! 

This spot is really cool! I'm looking toward the lake here! It is on the other side of that trail where you see the tree on the right.

 

Well, I am about to head off for work again, but I’ll be in one of two places when I get off!  If not at that park above, I’ll be here:

Another mountain shot...

Anyway, have a great day!  I know I will!