We Spend Our Lives Doing TWO things: Becoming and Dying…

I know this sounds bleak in a title, but it really isn’t. It isn’t fatalistic either.  Is it just possible that we spend so much time trying to work on others that we forget where our focus really SHOULD be? I think so. That is why I opt for brutal honesty. I know I can’t change a damned thing about the past or the future because those are two things I cannot control, but I can control how I react when put in a certain spot.

I nearly got killed tonight. No kidding. Some bonehead decided to slam his brake when NOTHING was in front of his vehicle. My son was driving and we were going the speed limit (75 mph). He swerved to the right and fish-tailed.  “Ease up on the brake and stay calm.” Shit! I don’t know how that came out of my mouth, but it did. He swerved again to the right and fish-tailed again, then over corrected. This resulted in being spun around across the freeway and landing in the median. He tried to start the car and it wouldn’t start. “Brian, put it in park.” Once he did, it ran fine. No damage to the vehicle and more importantly none to us or my dog!

I don’t know HOW I managed to stay calm during that crap, but I was shook up when it was over. I said, “Let’s get the hell out of this ditch and go home!” and we did.  It was a miracle that he didn’t hit another vehicle, and more importantly, that we are alive.  He was laughing a few minutes later, and made a comment about reliving “Too Fast and Too Furious”…

I looked at him and said, “Brian, that is not funny to me.”  I think he was just grateful that we were alive and that is how he handled being shook up.

Either way it could have turned out very differently.  Brian and I are working hard on improving from within, and then this happens. It just goes to show that in an instant, the world can be changed for our loved ones. When we got to Kevin’s house (my other son), I gave him his birthday presents and hugged my daughter-in-law and my son. I held onto my grandson for a bit as well.  Let’s just say it gave me a new perspective on things this time of year, but  in the end, are we not all born to die?

Better yet, didn’t Beckett describe it best?, “…We are all born astride a grave…”?

I’d rather die working on the person I’m trying to become, than to regret the person who is now dead that is my past being,  OR  meet my future being who might be a bit more cranky than this particular incarnation of me in the present…

And how was your weekend?

 

Look It is SUMMER and this SHOULD be addressed…

Why isn’t anyone in the media doing a segment on barbecue grill safety?  Did you know kids can get killed if one falls over on them?  How is one to make the backyard safe when doing these activities short of standing by the grill every second?  The reason I am asking these questions is that a few years ago in my home town, 2 kids were killed when one fell on them–and it was IN USE and the kids were just running by or something when it fell on them.

In this story, the grill was NOT in use:  http://houston.cbslocal.com/2012/04/16/texas-boy-dies-after-being-hit-with-200-pound-grill/

Would chaining these grills to a fixed object help?  Firefighters and health professionals, what would you suggest?  Feel free to comment here.

This stuff really bothers me when I read about it.  ***Special thanks to Kate Higgins for inspiring this***.  She was hurt in a grill accident, but she’s fine.  No kids were hurt in that one.

Nana and her “Pen”…

There are many untold stories out there. Many unmade westerns, many moving true stories that should be on film but aren’t…I want this to change. It s time to bring quality writing and such back to the table. Lately, we’ve seen a lot of great action stories and such, but it is time tread into areas that people fear again. It is also time to use the one tool as a writer we have and that is our “pen” to make that happen.

Many use word processors and such, but nothing beats a pen on great paper as far as I am concerned.  The pen turns us into a God, Goddess or Wizard–enabling us to manipulate entire worlds and lives without ever hurting a soul.  It enables us to share our joy and our pain in ways that no one else (besides those who have been in the trenches with us) can relate to.

It also draws readers into tragic worlds of reality, knowing that time cannot be turned back, but lessons learned can help to prevent such events from happening again.  I am referring to events such as 9/11, the Manson Murders, the Bath Michigan School Bombing of 1927 (which SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT~!) Arnie Bernstein wrote a great book about it which one can get at the link below.  Then there is  the explosion at the school in New London, Texas that killed many–and resulted in odor producing additives being put into natural gas so an odor is produced to let people know that there is a leak.

http://www.amazon.com/Bath-Massacre-Americas-School-Bombing/dp/0472033468/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363918353&sr=1-1&keywords=bath+massacre

http://www.amazon.com/Boys-Girls-Are-There-Explosion/dp/160344761X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363918409&sr=1-1&keywords=new+london+school+explosion

With our pens, our pains and our joys, we create mystical worlds of dragons and knights, vampires and werewolves, faeries and witches.  However we also need to write the stories that are true and in danger of being lost.  Many of these stories took place prior to when we were born. Others happen before us and seem to get swept from our Historical floor by a society that only wants us to forget them.  Well we don’t forget them and we won’t let our children and grandchildren forget them.  We will not forget the wrongs done to my ancestors–the Native Americans or the Irish.  We will not forget the cruelties endured by “Indentured Servants” and African slaves.  We will certainly not forget the Holocaust–which could one day happen again on a different scale.

Whatever a writer decides to do with that pen is important. The pen can change lives, inspire and destroy (depending on how it is used). It is for that reason we must write in such a way that the reader will feel good again and/or have HOPE after closing the book or turning off the e-reader and why screenwriters and such should try to enable their intended audience to experience the same thing when watching the small screen or the big one.

There are writers of this caliber out there. It is time to awaken the beast or the angel within–depending on their specialty! Food for thought.  I was raised as a Baptist and the preachers always talked about how the tongue can kill…Well, perhaps it’s a good thing the pen wasn’t invented yet and that the quill was never mentioned!

 

Writer’s Block…Yes, Nana Had It…

Does anyone really know what “writer’s block” consists of?  I think Johnny Rzeznik summed it up best when he described it as when you think everything you write is crap even though it is not.  We all have these periods where we feel totally uninspired and cannot seem to find our “muse” or hear it when it’s trying to find us…Whatever it is, it does exist.   I have only found one cure for this. You don’t have to buy books to cure it because the books lead you only to one thing to do: KEEP WRITING!  That is right.  Even if you only do this for five minutes a day, just keep writing–even if it is in your own journal.  Sometimes economics preclude buying books anyway.

Sometimes we have a lot going on in our lives–so much that the muse has a hard time getting through to us.  If so, then it’s best to have a lighter schedule and have some “me” time when you can.  I think the big, bad writer’s block bullshit hits us when we have little to no “me” time–or “us” time when it comes to family.  I know people get really hit with it when they are depressed, but sometimes the best cure for the depression is change.  Be open to the idea of it. It may be something subtle–or a whole life-changing experience–but BE OPEN to the idea. Life has a way of changing the road that lies in front of you and it is probably for the best. Perhaps a family visit is in order, too if one hasn’t been home in a while. Sometimes that can wake up a lazy assed muse who is slacking…LOL

I write when I feel like it. Period. I have my days where I write the sappy stuff–which I don’t share because I don’t let folks see that side of me…Why?  Because that side of me is the vulnerable side and I don’t share it much. Then I have days where I totally bitch, rant rave and moan–lacing it with some absurd humor.  When I write music or stories, the rule is the same–I write what I feel and I don’t hold anything back.  It is also the greatest thing on the planet to do it that way because if I am writing a story, I can play God, base a character on someone who pisses me off (usually a bully) and either kill those types off or make them suffer! Gee, sounds like that “Rabbit” character on “Banshee” but I use a pen instead of a knife…Very therapeutic…Non fattening and the suckers who really piss me off keep breathing to get theirs another day when their crap catches up to them!  Watching that happen is the ultimate sort of vindication, I think.

Have you guys seen “Banshee” yet? Well if you’re not into nude scenes, change the channel but the story line totally kicks ass.  Every character on there has a story, a motive, a purpose…I like how they use the .gif shop and website to fill in holes rather than spend too much time on flashback scenes in the series.  It’s pure marketing genius in my book and 2.7 million viewers can’t be wrong. After all, it  is the highest rated series Cinemax has had thus far.  Innovation and ingenuity are key to its success. Plots and such are all original and not borrowed from elsewhere…I love it!

Sometimes Nana DOES know best…

Lil’ Man’s daddy decided to get a motorcycle…Nana said, “Don’t get that! It’s a damned death trap!” because she KNOWS her sons.  Well, guess what?! He didn’t even have it 36 hours, wiped out and hurt his shoulder.  He’s in a sling. I went to take him some money, but he had me to go ALL the way across town to take it to Daphne and told me to do so via the phone because he didn’t want me to see him like that. God help her!  I took it to her and let her know what he said to me…

Now bear in mind I had NO idea about his wrecking the motorcycle already. He never said a word about it.  She burst out laughing and told me EVERYTHING.  I then made it a point to call and say “I told you so!” and one of these days when I am dead and gone, I am certain that they will hear those four words echo in their heads every time they do something that in my life worried me to death about them all!  I take comfort in the fact that ONE DAY Lil’ Man’s daddy is going to know this feeling ALL TOO WELL!

Sometimes things do NOT change when the kids are grown…We still are concerned over them and there are times when we KNOW their personalities well enough that we KNOW with dead on accuracy that there are some things they cannot handle. Lil Man’s dad and motorcycles definitely do not mix…

Have a great weekend!

Nana’s Favorite Pages and Blogs…

ON some o f these, there will be an actual link to a post that moved me so much at the time, it needs to be shared!  Here I go:

http://www.flaurena.com    Because Lauren’s jewelry appeals to my individualist nature.

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2011/other-mischief/nanny   I read this blog post every time the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing comes around, and it is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on any blog–anywhere!  In fact, a few years back, her blog post on “karma” got me to turn a few thoughts around in my head and get out of the correctional field.  She posts on many subjects, too! Check it out!

http://momsicle.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/caramel-apples-chocolate/  From food, to parenthood and everything in-between, including travel tips for parents of tots, this is a helluva blog…Check it out!

http://www.terribleminds.com/  Very blunt, honest and to the point–in short, when he posts about writing, he doesn’t post bullshit.

http://piperbayard.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/the-end-is-near-and-we-deserve-it-kindergartener-deemed-terrorist-threat-and-suspended/   Whether weird stories like this interest you, or historical fact, OR the impending Zombie Apocalypse–this is one cool blog!

This will be updated again I’m sure but for right now, these are my top 5. Have a great day!

Nana Had A Somewhat Inspirational Thought…

 

If I had a knack for beading or making jewelry, this little creature is a wonderful inspiration for a necklace! I just had to share this! This is a rainbow seahorse and it is endangered. I never saw one before either! He’s a beauty isn’t he? Enjoy!

 

I am not particularly talented when it comes to making things. I don’t cook well. I can draw a little and I write.  I am good with ideas though.  I am hoping some enterprising jewelry maker/crafting addict will make a necklace inspired by this little guy!  He could be silver with cz or aurora borealis and rainbow stones in it or something.  As stated in the caption, this rainbow seahorse is an endangered species. What do you all think?  I hope you all have a beautiful day! I enjoyed time with my grandson!

My son made a wonderful dinner for us all and I noticed that my grandson, although he’s only 2 months old has a GREAT right hook!  He takes that fist and bats at those toys on his busy gym like they are nothing! LOL!

All in all I realized how truly blessed I am today. I’d rather be right here right now than EVER be 21 again–guaranteed!  I feel more alive right now than I’ve felt in 5 years!  I also have a better outlook on life in general and on the future.  If you are down today, I hope you find some inspiration also! Maybe this post will help someone else find a ray of light!  Have a great one!

 

 

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All I Really Need is NOW…

I have my heroine standing atop a cliff, the salt air filling her senses as she stares up at the moon–downing a bottle of gin.  She cannot escape the damned voices she hears. No amount of alcohol will enable her to break free.  She has no choice but to come to the realization that her life really has a purpose–NOW.  Besides that the one she is sent to help isn’t going to let her get away with this pity party she is on for very long.

And NOW he has the arduous task of convincing her that the voices she is hearing in her head are real and that he is also. Only he has to be careful with when and how he reveals the latter.  She already fears so many things, he knows that she would not know how to handle hearing the voice of a dead being who has a physical body that she can see and touch when some of these others leave her sleepless at night.  At least NOW he can step in somewhat to silence them so she doesn’t become ill.  Her emotions are fragile and he is fully aware that he must be careful at this point.

Psychologists were a regular part of her childhood, given that he didn’t have a clue as to block her from seeing his memories then, she saw what he had done and drew pictures of it.  The psychologists all thought she was blaming her father for not being there for her and made him the villain–rather than her mother–and that is why she drew the violent pictures from the time she was five.  Now it was up to the person who was following her and watching over her to change her perceptions of what was and what now is.

Their relationship began long before she was sent to boarding school.  It began the day she was born.  She could see and hear him even though he could not leave his crypt. But he cared for her  in her dream realm–where sunlight didn’t hurt him.  He taught her about History, Greek Mythology, numbers and languages, but she liked watching the birds.  By the age of 10 she was called a prodigy and her musical skills developed immensely. He thought he had gone mad from being unable to feed–but no…He would find out twenty-three years later that not only was she real, but she thought she imagined him all those years also.  She never remembers a face–only his shoes and she keeps looking at shoes. Another thing that puzzles him is that the closer they become,  the less he is affected by his curse.  However, she seems to become more frail as time progresses and they both get sucked into another realm at various points in this story.

And that’s just for starters…

My life is definitely changing.  I know I’m headed in a new direction as I evolve over time–then again, it’s a constant process, right?  I’m glad that I don’t have to worry over what happened before or what will happen tomorrow.  Just as change enters into my life, so it enters into the lives of my characters.  To say that a person can totally disassociate from their characters doesn’t seem to ring true with me.  I put my sons in a few characters.  I’ll see where the ride takes me.  It is as I said in my title, all I need is NOW.  This moment is what defines my day–not yesterday and certainly not  tomorrow.

The person I once was is dead so I had to have a bit of a “memorial” for her.   I know now that I can survive anything–and have for the most part. It is for that reason, I do not look for my validation from others.   I find that when I am up on my mountain, taking in the air and looking for miles into the horizon to figure out where I should go next.  However, I don’t worry about it.  I know things will fall into place.  What I need comes to me.  Just like with people I know, what they need comes to them–and if I can help them along a bit–I do so gladly.  That is one part of me that never changes…I am always trying to be “there” for those that need me and I have come across many, many good people in the past two and a half years that I am truly grateful for.

However there is one thing that never changes about me.  I stay behind and follow tracks.  I never run ahead.  I just feel safer that way so it is all fine.  I think it is better to finish the course and feel comfortable than to make a race of it and wipe out. I take the time to see, smell, hear and touch…I also try new food once in a while now.

And when I stress, I meditate upon things and get centered.  If still uneasy, I change my latitude and it miraculously changes my attitude into one of total gratitude–especially when by a body of water or a river. I love the sound of water lapping on shore or the sounds of a river, spring or creek flowing!  I also love watching and listening to birds.  Combine that with a good breeze blowing through the trees and I’m in heaven.

Sometimes I play in the rain, too.  You can think I’m crazy if you like, but I will not let the kid in me die. I am of the  opinion that once a person lets the kid inside of himself/herself die, then there is absolutely no joy in life.  With no joy, there is no life and anyone who has a problem with someone who is enjoying their life and constantly tries to change that person has a mental problem.  That is my take on that matter. Anyway, if there is no thunder, that means there is no lightning.  I haven’t been stricken dead yet either so I guess I know what I am doing to some extent.

Nothing beats being outside-even in the rain.  Becoming one with that water and breathing that fresh, clean smell afterward is more invigorating than a lot of things to me.  The rainbows that sometimes show up are the icing on the cake.   I always have a dream about someone with a paint horse inside of a rainbow.  He keeps talking and motioning for me to come his way and then it is  almost as if I am running a race to get there. I get close but he moves just far enough back to keep me curious–and trying to catch up. I wrote about that on another part of the blog here…

Other than that, I’m getting ready to get other stuff.  I really feel that it’s time to put in a jewelry order and a mind is a horrible thing to make up!  Have a great weekend!

Mah Buddy and I Now Share a Home!

For those of you who keep up with me on Facebook, you know that Buddy is due to go back to the vet on 7/26 for his follow-up on the heart worm treatment, but he has a few words he’d like to share with you guys!  He’s such a great dog!  Remember guys, get your pets their heart worm medicine!  If cats get it, there is no cure!

Tina

Hi everybody!

My mama Tina and Brian are now sharing an apartment because my old place has to get redone…I don’t know the right word fer it, but somebody out her does.  Mama’s been walking me twice a day and I get to go to the swimming’ pool and see all the kiddies!  They all love me and so does Mama’s land lady Angela.  I got to do some talking’ too, but Mama didn’t lemme play too much…She says until Dr. Bert says it’s okay to goof off again that I have to  keep resting and that is soooooo boooorrrrriiiiing!  I like Gizmo better now that Mama’s here because she makes him behave!  He doesn’t get to bite me hardly at all now!

Before I got to move in, Mama made Brian take me to this woman in town to get a good bath and I hate baths!  I hate water but I get me a drink from da pool!  I love it when the kiddies pet me too!  I like to listen to Brian play da piano but mama says it is getting a tune up! I thought only cars got tune ups! I thought pianos just get tuned I watch Brian work on cars when he does that!  I like to take his rags and make him tug ’em, but he laughs! I love playing tug of war sometimes–not all the time. I’d rather play fetch! I’ll go get the ball and make one of my humans come to me to get it! That’s more fun than bringing it to them!

And Mama gets me chicken meatballs! I love that! Brian gets me the jerky ones! If I hold still while mama picks up my nasties with a poopie bag, I gets more too!  Mama says I marked all the trees in the place already! I might share my other treats but I won’t share my chicken meatballs!  That makes Gizmo upset but Mama gives him the treats his human (Eric) says he can have.

I still get to sleep by Brian’s bed too! Does that rock or what?  Pumpkin and Socks (the cats) play with me and let me sleep by them too!  Mama is gonna put pics up of me again soon with my new bandana! It’s cool!

It’s been a dog day! And I love it!

Well, he might as well be since I spend more time with him at the moment…He is the smartest dog I’ve come across in a while, and he’s so loving.  He actually tries to “converse” with us.  If I make a certain sign, he will sit and raise his paw up for me to shake it.  He will also “speak”.  It’s getting harder for him to play fetch now…Even when he did, he thought he was supposed to grab the ball and make us come after it! 😀   He moves a little more slowly now, and pays attention a little more…Then I realized something that almost slipped away since he was so excited to see me today…This dog is almost 12 years old.

It seems like it was just yesterday that my son, Kevin brought him home.  He was a puppy–not more than eight weeks old at the time.  Kevin said he’d found him with the fishing hook through the bottom of his mouth.  We took him to the veterinarian, got his shots and were set up to let the Humane Society adopt him out.  Well, they had no room so we agreed to foster–only one month turned into another.  Finally, we decided to scrap that idea and keep him.  He’s part of the family.  He is so sweet and none of us could resist that face.

He doesn’t like people with uniforms of any kind because our FORMER postman sprayed tear gas on him when he was about 12 weeks old–even though Buddy couldn’t reach him.  Kevin being ever so brave went berserk and called the postmaster general!  That carrier was removed from the route because of the fact that Buddy was still just a puppy and the supervisor saw no need for such action since Buddy was in an enclosed area–just close to the yard.

Buddy also likes to come into the house and see everyone.  His favorite thing to do is to put his paw up on the arm of a chair and try to “converse” with us.  He also likes catching dog treats!

Now as for giving him a bath–we have to spell that.  He hates water.  He doesn’t like getting his coat brushed either, but will let us do it.   God help us all if I take him to get him groomed any time soon.  However, taking him on walks is fun…He takes the leash in his mouth and thinks he’s walking us! He likes going to the vet too. Weird huh? 😀

Anyway, it seems like just yesterday that Kevin brought Buddy home.  And it was just a few days ago that Kevin told the true story of what happened.  He said the kid he took Buddy away from threw a fishing rod and was “reeling” Buddy in, so Kevin went up to the kid in the street, decked him, broke the fishing rod  and took Buddy from him as the kid ran down the street crying.  He said Buddy’s yelping really got him upset and that boy didn’t deserve him so he took him.  I was wondering why no one ever claimed him because he is such a sweet-natured dog.

I always got onto Kevin for his temper because he always thought he had to jump in–but that was one time where I couldn’t say much.  When I was his age, I (most likely) would have done the same thing…I brought strays home ALL the time and drove my parents absolutely NUTS!

Buddy and some of his humans! Kevin is on the left and his brother Eric is turned away from the camera!

This is my youngest son, Kevin...Eric is the darker haired one. I guess Kevin is a hero, huh? LOL

Oh…That chihuahua is Kevin’s “daughter” 🙂  Princess!  Her leg was broken when she was accidentally dropped last year but she’s fine!

Buddy likes to sleep at the foot of our beds, so if he moves in with me, he’ll be an indoor dog for the most part.  He’s going to be on my fenced patio while I’m at work though.  He’s got a doghouse and such so he’ll be fine…I’ll just have to lock my gate.  I’m glad he likes watching TV and listening to music.  Then again, as I said earlier, he’s part of the family!

For all of you animal lovers out there, I want to refer you to http://www.shyhound.com   I think you’ll like the blog posts there!  I certainly do!