Facts About Life: 101

I  have not been on a lot but if you think your life is going bad, you need to remember that there is someone out there somewhere who is having a worse go of it than you are. We have to find our own solutions to these dilemmas we go through.

Right or wrong, life is about learning. Once you become unteachable–than you are going to find that you are not only a little fish in a huge pond, but you will find yourself standing alone, stuck at the starting line instead of moving forward in this race called life. You can learn much from anyone around you, but you have to be willing to adapt and accept some changes along the way. If you cannot do this, you will not get very far down the track…

Think about it the next time someone tries to show you something you could do differently. Offering solutions is not designed to hold you back, it’s to help you toward your goal in the end. Change is something anyone has to consider from time to time. In fact we should embrace it, and not fear it, but to learn to adapt to it. If it is something that absolutely cannot work, then we should work together to change THAT, face the problems head-on and not run away. Don’t be closed to the idea of it. You are only hurting yourself if you do. This is lesson 101 in “Facts About Life”.

 

So the question is, how far are you willing to go? This is a new year–a new beginning. Do not let yourself get trapped inside the “box” thinking. Thinking outside of the box will actually help you–not hurt you.  It all goes back to a question I posed a few years ago to a colleague: “What kind of leader do you want to be?”  A good leader is always “teachable and willing to learn”.

Good News…

The biopsy was normal. No cancer.  I still don’t know why I kept hemorrhaging. I’m on medication now–progesterone. I will know after my doctor’s appointment today what is going to be done about this freaking huge cyst on my right ovary.  I still strongly urge anyone who is advised to have the biopsy to simply do it.

I had already discussed with my family what course I would take if cancer was involved. Surgery yes–chemotherapy no.  I know people who died more quickly from the chemotherapy than the disease itself–but it is not the rate toward the demise that made me say no–it was their suffering.  Besides, I prefer to let nature take it’s course.   I feel that radiation therapy is like “fighting fire with fire”–and in the case of this, had it come to fruition, it makes no sense to me.

I told my sons if I’m meant to live I’ll live. If meant to die, then chemo or radiation won’t change the outcome anyway.  That is just my view. Realistically, it isn’t that I have a death wish. I just feel that such invasive and painful treatments would be more of a burden to my family.

Now that I got that out in the open, I will update you when I get finished at the doctor’s office tomorrow. I am looking forward to two days with my grandson soon.  Life is good, no matter what hand I am dealt. I always manage and that is what counts.

 

Holiday Depression Issues…

I am deeply disturbed at the lack of coverage on this issue.  It seems that at this time of year, especially when people are experiencing difficulty, friends and family seem to not realize that what is going on when people get snappy or unhappy it is due to Holiday Depression.  There is pressure to get and make that perfect dinner–get gifts for Christmas, make the shopping on Nov 25th of this year, etc…Imagine what it could for me having wrecked my car recently, going into debt with 3 birthdays coming up during this time–Eric’s (my oldest is also on Nov 25th (my birthday also), Brian’s is Dec 17th and Kevin’s is Nov 29th…

The running joke is that I am freaking broke from Oct.-Jan!

I am not depressed, though. Far from it. I am grateful that I have a family who is always there for me and for an employer that totally rocks! Yes, I took a pay cut when I quit the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice in 2010, and have no regrets.  The pay cut was well worth it. I am concerned for someone I know who seems to be sad this time of year and going through so much.  I am also concerned for a family that lost two loved ones in a fire last night.

Look, I’m not here to preach, but if you are worried about finances, the first thing you should do is simply NOT spend money on items for others that you can barely afford, if at all. This marketing ploy drives me nuts every year.  You will find that many relatives and friends love home-made candy and gifts as opposed to the cheap crap that we get into our stores now.  My sister makes us fudge and other candies and we LOVE IT! Nothing can beat that!

Although I don’t have as much since I took that pay cut, I have more than most.  I have my family, my dog, a blog I read faithfully that always inspires me to keep my head out of my backside and keep remembering that doors always open where others close.    Sometimes we end up in a place where we are not happy at the moment, but we have to be there for a reason.  We have to follow our intuition and simply go to where we may fear to tread from time to time.  When we reach that destination we so felt a strong need to go to, sometimes things do not go as planned.  We don’t get that job or the place we want right away–but we must learn to be still and silent.  We must wait.

The latter part of that is the hardest part of all.  It is especially hard when in that stillness we hear the echoes of loved ones telling us things that were so important to them, but seem lost in the time since their passing.  We try to apply this to ourselves, but it is not something that can be forced as much as it can be allowed to enter us and embrace us. I can remember the last conversation I had with my father and grandfather one day before their passing.  Each call ended with “I love you.”  This means so much more to me than people know.  Even today I can hear them say those words to me when I am feeling like a broken china doll, and it calms my spirit.

I remember going to the ocean in Monterrey, California after my grandfather died.  I felt a release and a comfort there as I said my good-bye to him while allowing the waters of the Pacific Ocean to lap over my feet and feeling the breeze blow through my hair.  It was then I felt that “embrace” (as I call it) and knew that this was meant to be and that he was no longer suffering.  There is a song Carly Simon wrote and sang after losing her mother that seems to sum up a lot of what I feel right now, and I think it will help those who have lost someone close to them also.  It is called “Like a River”…Watch the video here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leQhz8oIYRQ&ob=av2e

I was raised as a Baptist. I don’t go to church, but I do know it says in the bible that when we die, we become as angels.  If that is so, then that explains this…Maybe our loved ones never truly leave us.  Whether we call this simply “the Universe”, “God“, “Ronald McDonald” or whatever, something seems to be embracing us and trying to gently tell us that all will be alright–if we be still, listen and wait–and then trust that this entity will take care of us if we simply trust in it just enough to know that it is not out there to hurt us or make bad things happen–but to help us endure the stuff that comes at us from all directions and drives us mad from time to time.

Sometimes those angels sent to help us are not in our memories and such, but in those around us that we would least  likely expect. Sometimes it helps me just to get out and visit new places and meet new people that I interview.  At other times, like when the sun comes up, I will be on my mountain, allowing whatever meets me there to embrace me and calm my spirit to get through the day once again.  However, lately my angels have come in the form of those whose blogs I read that remind me that life is not something to be taken for granted.

I have also learned to embrace the child I once was, let her go and forgive those who hurt me.  Those who know me know what I am referring to, and it was a long, hard process–and to those who saw it and felt helpless, don’t worry.  I am fine.  I am a new person and once I was able to throw off the baggage, I was fine. I would not trade one second of my life for anyone else’s because I have learned to embrace things as they are and be happy.  As I said, I have much to be thankful for, and will continue to keep those who are feeling so down in my thoughts because I KNOW without a doubt things will turn around for them.

This Holiday Season, no matter what is going around us, even if all we have is a fried chicken from Wal~Mart, instant potatoes, canned green beans and some type of sweet to eat–we should be thankful that we are there together to enjoy each other for another day–another moment.  Sometimes all people have to give one another is the loving hug each morning and those 3 words called “I love you”–but to receive these one more time is greater than any gift in the universe if you stop and think about it.

Money buys turkey, presents, and a lot of other stuff–but it never guarantees love and happiness.  Perhaps that is what confuses me so.  I never really could understand how people can allow themselves to fall into the trap of defining themselves by what they have instead of their inner gifts that the universe gave them–the ability to make someone laugh even if they are having a rough day, a sense of humor to carry them through the rough times (like we have had in Texas with these wildfires all damned year!),   It is funny that those who have the least are the ones who are always ready to give the most, too.

Now go give someone a hug and tell them you love them–even if it’s your dog or cat!  Then dry your eyes and look around you.  It is never as bad as you think it is.  Tomorrow is always a new day and it will get better…Take care and have a great week!  😉

Does a Broken Heart Ever Heal?

I had to ask this.  I don’t know why I am down right now, but for some reason, I went through a phase tonight where all I could do mourn for a person who died to me 2 years ago…No, he’s not physically dead but he might as well be because I have no intention of letting him back into my life.  I visualized putting flowers into the sea and watching them drift into the sea as I said, “Nevermore”.  Yes, I know that is what the Raven said, but for some reason my heart felt very heavy tonight and it surrounded  him.

A friend then urged me to call him to which I replied, “What the hell for?  There is no point.”  Well my friend says that this guy keeps asking about me.  So what?  I don’t want him back. He chose to be where he is.  He can stay there.

Then I get told, “Well you should call him.  Once you call him and the dust settles you’ll feel better.”

I felt better the day I said goodbye to him.  I will not go back  ten steps when I am moving forward and my career is going well.  To let him back into my life in any capacity would only set me backwards.  I do not need that–not now–not ever.  Had he been genuine and not leading everyone around him (including his family) with false promises and lies, it would be different.

The sun is rising on a new day and I am going to sleep now.  I will not dream of him.  Why?  He doesn’t break my heart any longer but I know that he is breaking someone else’s–but the lies he lives are his own.  So now I ask for his next victim, “Does a broken heart ever heal?”

I will also answer it here: “Yes it does. Give it time.  You’ll still think of the person once in a while, but the pain of the old relationship is not worth returning to. It will pass.  Just leave that person where he or she belongs–out of the picture of your future, which is what I had to do.  With that person there would be no future to speak of anyhow.  I know this from personal experience.”

Give yourself some TLC if you are hurting right now. You deserve the "me" time! Use that to work on healing the old wounds, folks...It doesn't matter what gender you are or whatever. Broken hearts take time to heal, and yours will...I promise you that...

You Lead the Way…

You Lead the Way….

You Lead the Way…

Please don’t be sad. You have much left ahead of you.  You give of your knowledge freely.  Why are you sad and depressed?  If your attitude is not what you’d like it to be where you are, change your latitude.  Yes you heard me.  Go elsewhere.  You must follow your spirit. If it bids you to leave you must leave–even if I want you to stay.  I would never confine you like that because to chain you would be to destroy you.

What? Come with you?  But I thought I stood in your way…You mean, you’ve actually thought this through?  It’s scary for me.  You are the vagabond.  You are the traveler. I’ve never done this before.  Are you certain that this is what you want?  I don’t understand.  What do you mean that I am the one who has been chained all this time?   I see.  We work as one.  We should move about as one unit.  Okay. You win.  I don’t know why I thought you were pulling away from me, when actually you were pulling me closer.

I guess we both must go where our spirits direct–together…However, you lead the way because I feel safer following in the tracks.

 

Reflections II

While most who know me know I still have a few days in the year where I become totally anti-social and complaining about everything from romantic love being a myth on those days (among other things) to borderline total recluse again, I have come a long way in the past 2 1/2 years.  It started with this blog…

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2009/anecdotes-observations/a-short-story-about-karma-2

From there I read “the Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho, which you can get here:  http://www.amazon.com/Alchemist-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0061122416/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1313791433&sr=1-1   or here:  http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/alchemist-paulo-coelho/1100248293?ean=9780061122415&itm=1&usri=the%2balchemist

You can also get this on a nook download, and the B&N nook downloads also work on Pandigital readers. I know. I have one.

Dr. Wayne Dyer also has a movie out called “The Shift“.  It is well worth watching also.  It has a lot of truth in here pertinent to what I am saying.

Every door through which we pass is not an ending.  It is always a change of direction–but this can be more of an opportunity, whether it be to learn and grow, or to move into something totally different from what you are doing now. If you start viewing things in this light, then losing the job isn’t such a bad thing.  I walked away from being a correctional sergeant due to all the corruption and the fact that the cliques run my old unit than anything else.

These “cliques” are most often ran by administration.  Once they run out of officers to gang up on (and do not think that this doesn’t happen, I saw it happen for years) they will go to their house and eat their own young.  If they have no kids, they’ll eat their pets…Anyway, that is not what I want to focus on.  People like that are like the snake that beheads itself by eating itself from the tail upward until there is nothing left.

Now if you are in a situation like that, you should never be of a train of thought that there is nowhere else to turn to and/or nowhere  else to go…As I said, where one door closes, another opens.  It always works that way–if you allow it to.  Instead of saying, “Okay…I got laid off (fired, demoted, etc…). Turn that thought around.  This is not new-agey…It works.  Just say to yourself, “A new job is there…” and don’t waste time dwelling on the one just lost.  Just start hitting the pavement and fill out the applications, send out the resumes or whatever, but believe that job is there.  Check back within a week to ensure that they have the “correct contact information” for you on file.  That’s also a good way to let an employer know that you are actually wanting to work and not just fulfilling a requirement for some agency such as The Department of Human Services to receive TANF, Food Stamps or whatever.  You cannot just fill things out, drop them off and leave it.  You’ll never get called back that way.  Always show that you are earnest as well as confident–but don’t be pushy.  Just smile–YES SMILE and show a positive attitude.

I also feel that this is another good book to get your hands on…”How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie…Get it at a used book place because it’s cheap there.   If nothing else, begin to work on your own “self-image“…How do YOU see yourself?  Smile.  It does help.  Nine times out of ten, it is not anything that you are doing or saying preventing you from getting that job, but how you see yourself.  Believe it or not, if you feel negatively about your own self-image, that is what you will project to an employer.

Here is one more thing I suggest you do whether you are male or female:  Dress up dammit!  Seriously! Dress up and go someplace–even if it’s to a restaurant just for a cup of coffee and read a book.  If you make a habit of dressing up, even if out of work, you will eventually carry yourself in such a way that people will see confidence in you…So that is two things you need to have energy-wise coming from inside of your inner-self:  Confidence and positive attitude.  They go hand in hand.

I have a job and I am quite happy with it.  I did not like the person I was becoming while working at the prison.  I was skeptical, trusting absolutely NOBODY and didn’t want to be around anyone when I got off of work.   I was sinking back into a reclusive lifestyle and I knew I had to change from that.  Do I have days that I still wish to be left alone? Definitely.  We all do.  Do I have days where I am tempted to go right back into shutting everybody out?  Yes…What stops me?  The fact that that link Lauren has got me to thinking about something besides the junk I had to experience.

This life is not about what YOU gain or take with you…No…It’s about what you can give back.  That is what I’ve learned so far in my life in the past two years and it was the first link I shared with you that convinced me that there had to be “more than this” while I was working in that prison–while building a new cage for myself.    Have a great weekend!  I hope that this helps in some way because I know it worked for me.

A Last Minute Road Trip Pays Off!

Oh my god! Where do I begin here?  I went to a couple of places this past week that totally blew me away!  Before I go into this bit of adventure, I need to thank LaurenVasil for inspiring me to get off of my butt and just freaking go, Go, GO!!!  I was reading her blog on her recent road trip from Brooklyn, NY to Los Angeles, CA…You can read about it here: www.fizgiggery.com

These posts inspired me to come out of my cave long enough to find out about some things in W. Texas I never took the opportunity to go see.  I found two places that blew me away.  One was Monahans, TX and the other was Balmorhea, TX.  I am putting the pics here as proof of how amazing these places are–despite their size.  These places are writer’s havens to me.  I can camp out under the stars by the sand dunes of Monahans, or I can stay at the motel at the State Park outside of Balmorhea.  Both places are so unique, and they posses a beauty all their own. The people in both places are very friendly and I had a couple of people already ask about my metamorphosis necklace this week, and it seems that when I go elsewhere–people are curious about it!  I got it from www.flaurena.com   folks.

I will also go into some info about both places, starting with my adventure in Monahans.  On a hot, miserable day in West Texas, I decided that while hanging out in Midland, I would go to the visitor’s center off of I-20 and see what they had to show me.  The two women working there were so sweet, and explained a bit of the History of each place they told me about.

Did you know that one of the authors of the James Bond books is from Midland, TX?  Well, if you didn’t, look up Raymond Benson.  Woody Harrelson also was from the area, as well as Carolyn McCormick (who played Dr. Olivet on Law and Order).  Little known trivia:  When Mother Nature isn’t on crack, like she’s been all year this year, Tommy Lee Jones also comes to Midland quite a bit–sometimes to play polo, but he has property that he owns in San Saba, TX. Kathy Baker (from “Edward Scissorhands”) was also from Midland.

Mezzo-Soprano  Susan Graham also hails from Midland, TX.  Those of you who live in San Francisco and frequent the opera will know who she is.

Now for my adventure!  It began last Friday when I got thoroughly bored to death in Big Spring.  I really got tired of the 111 degree weather (in the shade) and decided to take advantage of some time off–which I will do again next week!  Since I can’t seem to get to White Sands, or the Apache reservation to check it out in New Mexico, I decided that I was going to see if there is anything that strikes my fancy near here. My first stop was Monahans…It is not the White Sands Missile Range, but it’s cool!   Here are a few pics:

These look like regular bushes, but they are not. They are the tops of oak trees, which help to hold the dunes together. They come up about knee-high, but their trunks and roots can extend far into the ground–the roots sometimes going underground for miles.

Like I said, it is not the White Sands Missile Range, but the kiddies love sliding down these in a saucer. Some even bring snowboards!

This is one of the street signs in Monahans (5 miles up the road from the park)! I’ve never been to a town that had these toppers on them!  Other streets have different metal art on them, but they are cool!

Now for the second leg of my journey, I went to Balmorhea, TX.  This park has a HUGE spring fed pool.  It also has a hotel on the premises.  There are two hotels in town and a restaurant called “The Bear’s Den”.  This town is small–a smudge on the map, but the people are very, very friendly and it’s beauty lies in that it is a small, quiet place for a writer to hide out in, if he or she chooses to do so.  It definitely appeals that reclusive side of myself that I have kicked to the curb more than once in the past two years.   The spring runs parallel to the street on the south side.  There are little walking bridges that cross it as well as the street crossings.

As I said before, this water is so clear it is truly amazing.  If there is an oasis in the desert around here–this is definitely it!  Here are some pics from this leg of my trip also.  I fully intend to go back either tonight or tomorrow.

Hey! If you decide to check this place out–there are phone #’s on here!

Those big, black fish are catfish…I thought these were nocturnal. I guess not. Anyway, these are HUGE! They are actually about 15 ft. down. I am standing on the edge here. Just to give you an idea of what this is like, even at the 35 ft. end, you can see the bottom of the spring. It reminds me of the films I’ve seen of the reefs…One can snorkel and such in here. I didn’t know this prior to my departure, though.

Just another shot of the spring…I can’t believe how clear the water is!

Reed shot…This is a close up of the spring behind the motel that is at the State Park…

This would make an interesting screen saver, I think…What do you think? I decided to use my telephoto lens on the 2nd reed shot.

This is a shot of the motel by the state park.

This is a shot showing how the spring runs behind the motel rooms…It is prettier than it looks.You can get directions to this place and it is worth going to~! The food here rocks!

I knew there was something special….I thought of Margaritaville when I saw the parrot! LOL

This is the front of the Bear’s Den!

I am including a couple of shots of this simply because of the way this sits in the water…The spring flows around it. There is a church out behind it, but I thought this was simply “art”. I am not Catholic, but this moved me…It is simply beautiful. It is on the side of the road as you enter or leave Balmorhea–depending on the direction you take.

Another shot of beauty.

I found the people here to be so friendly, and the area itself to be so tranquil that I must return to this place.  It is every bit as sacred to me as my mountain now.  I truly hope you enjoyed this, and if you decide to go there, let me know!  The town may be small, but if one is looking for peace and quiet–then this is the place to visit!

//

I Really Believe that Black Elk’s Wisdom is Needed Now

The True Peace

The first peace, which is the most important,
is that which comes within the souls of people
when they realize their relationship,
their oneness, with the universe and all its powers,
and when they realize that at the center
of the universe dwells Wakan-Taka (the Great Spirit),
and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.
This is the real peace, and the others are but reflections of this.
The second peace is that which is made between two individuals,
and the third is that which is made between two nations.
But above all you should understand that there can never
be peace between nations until there is known that true peace,
which, as I have often said, is within the souls of men.

Black Elk, Oglala Sioux & Spiritual Leader (1863 – 1950)

This is probably one of the wisest men who ever lived.  I think it is time that people learned from the wisdom that he left behind. If they would, the world wouldn’t be destroying itself from within.  The origin of all the problems of this world lies within the heart of  each individual.  We must always look to “fix” ourselves before trying to right the rest of the world. Once done, there will be no need or desire to encroach into another’s realm.  Trying to “convert” the world will never work because the spirit of man will always be free and will never submit to the oppression of others–even if they have to talk to their creator in secret.  No individual or group will ever dominate the spirit of man because only the creator can decide the destiny of any individual.

Black Elk knew where freedom lies.  It lies within each of us.  I just thought I would share that.  The freedom to “be” can never be taken from anyone.  When we get into that quiet place to where we can each hear that small, still voice inside of ourselves and take direction from it, then will we be able to find what it is we need to do with our time–what is left of it.  Time is too short to squander, and very precious.  We must make the most of our existence while we are here.  Only what we impart to others determines the impact we have on the lives of those us.  That is why it is so important to work  on ourselves FIRST.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!

When your gut usually tells you to, it’s usually best to do so…

Did you ever have that feeling that you should take an opportunity, although it sounded like something that might not be your cup of tea (as in what you KNOW you can do)?  I have several times.  I have recently accepted a position as an assistant manager trainee.  I can work my way into full management within a year–which is a great opportunity with benefits.  I can do that job, so that is not the issue.  I know I could easily get an overseas job once my TESOL course is complete.  No problem…However something tells me that this is where I need to be for now.  Sometimes what you view as a lesser opportunity gives you an opportunity to learn and to grow.  This job  is already doing this.  I am learning to enjoy being “myself” again. 

I love teaching.  I love working with students so maybe this is my de-briefing from sergeant mode! Being a corrections sergeant caused me to “lose” that part of myself that allowed me to be a little more trusting.  At times this is a good thing.  At others, I often wonder.  Everything is starting to turn green outside, and I am usually greeted by a blue sky, a decent temperature and a wonderful walk on my mountain. It is those times I spend up there that I feel most energized afterwards. 

However I have another sanctuary I go to.  Check this out…I felt an urge to go there earlier and do some more reading…

Sanctuary #2--the one I never shared before...

 

I like sitting on that rock that’s over the water too.   This is just a place where I can go to get in touch with that part of myself I thought was lost–but is just sleeping from time to  time.  It is a part of my being that has lain dormant for too long in the cell I stuck it in for its own protection.  There are springs that feed into the pond here and the lake that follows beyond the earlier shot. 

This spring flows underground before going into sanctuary #2...I think it's neat!

Some of my ancestors were Comanches who rode along trails in W. Texas.  They knew how to navigate the various lakes and streams in what most of the early settlers thought was desert land.  They would follow these trails and the water supply all the way to Northeast Texas.  The pictures I am sharing in this post were taken at Comanche Trail Park in Big Spring, TX.  Between this place and the mountain, I can always get some “me time” in.   I will go up to the mountain again when I get off of work tomorrow because I want to get a picture of that fox that is running around up there!  However, this picture will have to do as far as the company I had:

In my best "Al Pacino voice" I'm saying to myself: "Say hello to my little friends! And next time remember to bring them some freakin' food!" 😀

 

I love feeding the ducks…I just forgot the food today!  There is also another trail right across from this that leads down to another part of the spring which feeds the lake…When one stands in the middle where the spring flows across the trail, it looks like one is walking on water! 

This spot is really cool! I'm looking toward the lake here! It is on the other side of that trail where you see the tree on the right.

 

Well, I am about to head off for work again, but I’ll be in one of two places when I get off!  If not at that park above, I’ll be here:

Another mountain shot...

Anyway, have a great day!  I know I will!