That’s How You Left Me

Everything fades into a blindness

from lights within my mind

and all I can see is what is left here

memories of our time

with mourning shades the cloud

lingers on and still I wait here…

Not that you would care

but all I see is all that is dead

but you’re still there…

And yet wonder why it is you left me waiting

for a sign that never comes

And all I know is that I’m empty

A space is all that remains

of where my heart should be

It’s been that way

that’s how you left me…

The pictures will fade in time from my memory

as I grow old alone

and all I do know is that I once had a place

That I dared call my home.

But all that remains are faded pictures

since that’s now turned to dust

And all I can see there is

what has come of love and trust.

And yet I’ll wonder why it is you left me waiting

for a sign that never comes

And all I’ll  know is that I’m empty

with the rising of the sun

while I embrace the stars

that’s how you left me.

And all that’s left are dreams.

Nanahood Resolutions….

 

The time has come for change.  For one, I am cleaning up the blog.  While I do have a strange outlook on some things, I realize that it is because the people that were around me at the time left me rather jaded in thought. I tended to put everything into these neat little boxes of my mind and I  would compartmentalize them so that if someone or something did not make sense to me, they ended up there–my virtual “cornfield”.

Either way, it is time to change my attitude, my life and possibly (after the grandson comes) the latitude. I can no longer hide here. I am going to branch out. I’m getting back to the writing basics again…My family matters. My grand kids matter. This crap about holing up and only talking to a few select people is over.

If I get stuck, I go back to Lauren Vasil’s blog,  www.fizgiggery.com  for some inspiration…Or to Momsicle’s blog…Given the recent post on the little blue dot in Lauren’s blog, I decided that although we’ll probably never see space travel in our lifetime, it would be nice to be able to see places like this from a ship!

It looks almost like something you’d see in a video game or in sci-fi doesn’t it? It’s actually a view of the Carina Nebula from the hubble telescope. I really do consider space to be the “Ultimate Wonder”. It is infinite and timeless.

However since time tends to be somewhat of an enemy, it is best to concentrate on things that I would like to see here–like the world we live on.  Maybe someday I will get to do that.  The thought crosses my mind every time I look at my poster that I made.  I’ll put it up here on my next post, but I really want to position myself better than where I am now. I want to be an inspiration to my grand kids–and to teach them that there is much more to the world than what is right in front of them.  I hope that makes sense to you. It does to me.   It may be time to simply go forth and expand my horizons.  Have a great week!

 

Another Empty Space…

Everywhere I look for you an empty space is there…Whether it’s the empty living room spot where you might appear, or your place in my new home where you should be…I would give anything to hear your voice one more time right now.  Years ago I saw you for the last time, and my love for you stands to this day.

I believe a lot of people try to fill their empty spaces with many, many things…

Some use relationships–but I don’t need a romantic interest to validate who I am.

Some use alcohol, which numbs the pain, but that space they long to fill is still empty.

Some use drugs, yet the pain is always there–only seeming to be more intensified.

Some use holy roads, but there are so many to choose from, so I wonder if there is a ‘right’ one at times.

Some use power, but that is because they lost their way, and the space is never filled.

Some use money, but it will not buy anything fit to fill that vacancy left in the wake of your going.

Some use possessions, as if one thing can truly replace the spirit that once inhabited that space.

I choose to reserve that space. Even if it remains unfilled, for it is not as though anything else could replace you.

Freedom puts my faith in what you left behind, and believe me, that legacy is a rich one.

Wisdom does dictate that I can create a new space for a new entity–but the Universe would really need to move a bit.

 

Have a great week!

 

The Aurora Borealis appeared in Nebraska in 2006….It is one of the wonders I wish to see!

Does a Broken Heart Ever Heal?

I had to ask this.  I don’t know why I am down right now, but for some reason, I went through a phase tonight where all I could do mourn for a person who died to me 2 years ago…No, he’s not physically dead but he might as well be because I have no intention of letting him back into my life.  I visualized putting flowers into the sea and watching them drift into the sea as I said, “Nevermore”.  Yes, I know that is what the Raven said, but for some reason my heart felt very heavy tonight and it surrounded  him.

A friend then urged me to call him to which I replied, “What the hell for?  There is no point.”  Well my friend says that this guy keeps asking about me.  So what?  I don’t want him back. He chose to be where he is.  He can stay there.

Then I get told, “Well you should call him.  Once you call him and the dust settles you’ll feel better.”

I felt better the day I said goodbye to him.  I will not go back  ten steps when I am moving forward and my career is going well.  To let him back into my life in any capacity would only set me backwards.  I do not need that–not now–not ever.  Had he been genuine and not leading everyone around him (including his family) with false promises and lies, it would be different.

The sun is rising on a new day and I am going to sleep now.  I will not dream of him.  Why?  He doesn’t break my heart any longer but I know that he is breaking someone else’s–but the lies he lives are his own.  So now I ask for his next victim, “Does a broken heart ever heal?”

I will also answer it here: “Yes it does. Give it time.  You’ll still think of the person once in a while, but the pain of the old relationship is not worth returning to. It will pass.  Just leave that person where he or she belongs–out of the picture of your future, which is what I had to do.  With that person there would be no future to speak of anyhow.  I know this from personal experience.”

Give yourself some TLC if you are hurting right now. You deserve the "me" time! Use that to work on healing the old wounds, folks...It doesn't matter what gender you are or whatever. Broken hearts take time to heal, and yours will...I promise you that...